Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door!
by Raykura-Kura
Summary: I missed all the PM:TTYD Parodies, so I decided to make 1 of my own! Storyline Chapter 3/Fanfic Chapter 4 is FINALLY up!
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer for the story, this chapter, previous chapters, and future chapters: I do not own Nintendo, nor any of it's franchises, property, characters, ideas, resources, etc. Any content in this story is copyrighted to it's rightful owner(s). This story is a parody, and is protected by Fair Use.**

_Author's Note_: I forgot to mention that even though this story is named after the second game in the series, I'm going to go in chronological order.(I.E., It'll be starting with Paper Mario, the first one in the series, not the sequel.) Also, as I have never played Super Paper Mario, it will not be included. There WILL however, be a couple of extra storylines included.(They will be starring canon characters of course.)

**Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door**

Now with 20 LESS idiocy.

_Actual Prologue: A BAWWWWWWW From The Stars._

Bowser was in his kingdom, ruling being cruel, and generally doing what he does.

"Kammy, I want to be invincible."

"Whatever do you mean, my lord? You already ARE invincible!!"

"YEAH!! Invincible Lord Bowser!!" All of the Koopa Clan called out in unison.

"I know, I know. But I mean LITTERALLY invincible!! I'm tired of Mario always beating me."

A nearby Koopatrol was heard speaking, particularly the word: "crybaby."

"WHAT!? NOBODY CALLS _ME_ A CRYBABY & GETS AWAY WITH IT!! HAVE HIM EXECUTED!!"

"Yes, my lord, Bowser!"

"Wait, I was talking about my little sister! I said _"My little sister is such a crybaby.". _Not "_Bowser is such a crybaby."_

"THERE!! He said it!! EXECUTION!!" BESIDES, I'M KOOPA KING!! I can do whatever I want. Furthermore, I never had a little sister anyway. Sniff, sob, sob. Plus, I don't want any rebellion in my Kingdom!

"But, Lord Bowser, there is NO CHANCE of a rebellion."

"Yeah, no chance!! Rabble, rabble, rabble." The Koopa Clan cried out.

"Also, I never knew you had a little sister."

"Yeah, she died when some Japanese guy decided to cancel her programming for a game."

"Anyway, how do you think I can become invincible."

"Well, I heard of some Kirby-game-item-rip-off called the Star Rod that exists in this game. Apparently it can grant wishes."

"REALLY!? Where do I get this rod?!"

"It's in Star Haven, guarded by The Seven Star Spirits!"

"I see, so it's like a genie, except instead of rubbing a lamp, I just have to rub the Star Spirit's Rod."

"Uhh…No. It can grant infinite wishes, instead of just 3. And you don't rub it. You just speak your wish."

" TOTALLY AWESOME!! I'm gonna go grab that Rod right now!!" Bowser immediately ran to the hangar for his Koopa Copter, and got on, whilst Kammy conjured up her flying magical broomstick.

"TO STAR HAVEN!!" While saying this Bowser slammed through Kammy, and his castle wall, knocking her over & causing her to fall off & lose her broomstick.

"Please, Lord Bowser. Please wait!! And now we need to get that wall fixed…Sigh

"Yeah, fix the wall! Rabble, rabble, rabble." The Koopa Clan was heard yelling in agreement.

After a long, long, flight considering Bowser's Castle was underground and Star Haven is high, high up in the sky, Bowser(& Kammy.) finally arrived at their destination.

Now let's shift perspectives…

Game Narrator: Ahem, today I'm going to tell you the Story of The Star Spirits.

Game Narrator: In Star Haven there is an object of legendary power, The Star Rod.

Game Narrator: For ages, it has been protected, carefully, very carefully.

Game Narrator: Huh? Sees Kammy taped to the scene. Huh, WTF is this ugly thing? And for that matter, who put it there?

And suddenly the silhouette of Bowser in his Koopa Copter appeared. "Hahaha!! I did!"

"And now I'm going to steal this magnificent Star's Rod!"

"Lord Bowser, it's _Star Rod_, not _Star's Rod_."

"Whatever. Now shut up, Kammy." Subsequently, Bowser unleashed a blast of fire, defying logic and shattering the glass "protecting" the Star Rod.

Game Narrator: "No! You mustn't do that!"

"Grahahaha! Now, Kammy, unnecessarily combine our magic and turn The Star Spirits into trading cards!!"

"What?"

"Just do it!"

"Yes, my lord, your obssessiveness."

"Alright. Eldstar: Baseball card, Mamar: Pokemon card, Skolar: Digimon Card, Muskular: Yugioh Card, Misstar: Magic the Gathering, Klevar: Credit Card, and Kalmar: Poker Card. Preferably a joker."

"Done & done, my Lord Bowser."

"Oh no, now who will grant the Mushroom Kingdom people's wishes? Will they ever come true? All that's left are Star Kids, but what can they do?"

Paper Mario 

**  
**

It all started on a perfectly sunny day, on a perfectly nice day, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, & the Koopa Paratroopa Mailmen were delivering the mail as usual.

Mario was sleeping peacefully in his bed, with dreams of "loving" Princess Peach, starring in more games, eating Italian food, beating the shit out of Bowser. You know, all the stuff that kind, selfless heroes do…

CRASH!!! Suddenly, Mario's bed-board's collapsed under his weight, causing him to fall through, unto Luigi!

Of course, considering, their heads were at opposite ends of their respective beds, you can imagine the "awkward" position this caused the two siblings to be in.

With the sudden weight on him, it was no surprise Luigi woke up screaming in horror.

"AUGGH!!! Bro! Get… your-a but-a… **out-a of my face!!!**"

"Huh? Oh-a god! What-a in the name of pasta happened??"

"Your fat ass happened!! Now get-a said ass out-a of my face!!"

Immediately, Luigi, sprung up, causing his brother to go flying and subsequently crash into the wall!

"Mama-MIAAGGGHHH!"

After his brother's crash, Luigi began panting

"Wheeze…stupid brother…He got so fat…pant…He broke the friggin' boards!! Pant…

Several minutes later, Luigi was in the kitchen, and Mario was sitting on Luigi's bed, seeing as how his was broken.

Meanwhile, his ever-overshadowed brother, Luigi, was out in the kitchen, cooking. Why the Mario Bros have a kitchen in a parody of a game in which they shouldn't HAVE a kitchen in the first place is beyond me.

"Luigi."

"Yeah, bro?" Luigi called from the kitchen.

"Can I-a ask-a you-a a question?"

"Sure-a bro. What-a is it?"

"**WHERE THE FUCK IS MY BREAKFAST!?"**

"Geez, Mario, no-a need to get so-a angry at…BOOM!

"Shut the fuck up & bring me my breakfast unless you want another fireball to the face, bitch."

"Okay, okay. Let me just COOK it then." Subsequently to that statement, Luigi slipped causing the pot of boiling pasta to hit his head, scalding, striking, and covering his face!!"

"AUGGHH!! GET-A THIS THING OFF-A ME!! MY-A POOR FACE!!"

Several painful hours later, Luigi had finally recovered, and the plumbers had had their breakfast pasta.

Meanwhile, outside, the local Paratroopa mailman was on his mail route, coming to the Mario house.

He put the letter in the mailbox, shook it, and then cried out his familiar statement:

"Mail call!"

"YOUUUUUUUUUU!!" Upon hearing this, Luigi ran outside of the house with a rocket launcher and a shotgun and began firing madly! "You're the idiot who's been sneaking onto my property EVERY MORNING!!"

"Wait, wait…No, I'm the-Kaboom! His statement was interrupted by a rocket to the face.

"Okay, that's it, plumber…SHELL SHOT!" He got in his shell, and smashed into Luigi at a high speed.

As the battle went on Mario, recognized Luigi's actions, and quietly waited. By the end of the battle, the mail was delivered, the mailman had left, and the house was wrecked.

"Okay, now that Luigi's done. Time to check the mail!" He headed outside and passed Luigi, then sniffed the mailbox. "Mmmm…SMELLS LIKE PRINCESS-A PEACH'S PERFUME! WOOHOO!"

Mario proceeded to break the mailbox and yank out the pink, princess-perfumed, letter.

"Luigi, read this, since I'm illiterate as seen in the Mario Teaches Typing series. Whatever happened to the magic typewriter I got then anyway?"

"You-a sold it on E-Bay, bro."

"Oh, right."

Somewhere in the real world, a hobo was wreaking havoc with the magical typewriter he got on E-Bay.

"Anyway, just-a read-a the letter."

"Okay." Luigi teared open the letter & proceeded to read it…

"_Dear Mario, you are invited to a party at my castle._

_There will be tons of guests, games & great food! _

_Please come to the party as soon as possible._

_Sincerely, Princess Peach."_

"EXCELLENT!!" Both brothers exclaimed simultaneously with a high five. Immiediately, they both rushed down the Warp Pipe & began rushing through Toad Town.

"I'm-a gonna get there first!"

"No, you're not!"

"And why not?"

"Koopa football players!!" Luigi yelled this and tackled his brother, then jumped across the house with whirling roof. By this time, both were at the castle, and both of them barged in.

"I won!"

"Cool. I'm-a gonna go mingle now."

"Wait, then what-a was-a the point-a of that-a race-a, Luigi, bro?"

"I-a dunno. I just-a wanted to-a race."

"Damn it, I was hoping there-a would-a be a prize-a or something."

Immediately, Mario headed up to the second floor to the door to Princess Peach's room.

"I'm sorry, Mario, sir, but you can't-THWACK! Mario, merely punched the Toad guard & headed into the Princess's room.

"Sniff, sniff, sniffffff…Ahhh the smell of a Princess."

Mario then exited the room, passing the Toad guard he had just knocked out, ignoring all the other guests who had watched him, seeing as how he had inadvertently left the door open.

He then headed up the stairs, to Peach's chambers.

"Oh, hello Mario, it's a nice day isn't it?"

"Yeah-a, yeah-a. Sex-a now, talk-a later."

"It's a really nice day out, how about we go out on the balcony?" Grabs Mario's hand hard and start dragging him.

"Uh, I-a don't-a really want to, but-a you're not-a giving me-a much-a choice. Also, you're-a hurting my-a hand."

And then the castle started shaking like crazy. Causing chaos and questioning.

"AHHHHH!! WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?"

"I THINK THE CASTLE'S HAVING AN ORGASM!!"

"CASTLES DON'T HAVE ORGASMS!! THIS IS DEFINITELY A SEIZURE!!"

"WHY WOULD A CASTLE HAVE A SEIZURE EITHER!?"

"I…DON'T…KNOW!!!

Once again with Peach and Mario.

Peach & Mario were running back and forth like idiots as opposed to trying to escape the castle like they should.

A cutscene showed the damage of the "earthquake", which according to the same cutscene isn't an earthquake, but rather Bowser's Castle, which looks like a humanoid Bowser's upper torso with maces in place of arms and no lower torso.

Back in the castle, once again with Mario & Peach…

"OH NO, MARIO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO!?"

"QUICK-A, LET'S-A HAVE-A SEX-A IN-A OUR-A LAST-A MOMENTS-A OF-A BEING-A ALIVE!!"

"Hey, wait a second, why is the sky outside so dark? It's not nighttime…Is it?"

CRASH!!! Suddenly, Bowser came crashing through the window Koopa Copter and all.

"GRAHAHAHA!!"

"Bowser, did you do this?!"

"GWAHAHAHA!! Of course I lifted your castle into the sky, you dumb, bimbo, blonde, bitch princess!!"

"No! I mean the window you just smashed through!! Do you realize how valuable it is!?

"OHMIGOSH!! I'm sooooo sorry. Please, please, Bowser."

"Uh…Lord Bowser, your apologeticness…Whisper, whisper."

"Oh, right! Your wise words of "Whisper, whisper" have helped me remember who I _really_ am, my right hand Magikoopa, _Kammy Koopa_."

"Thank you my lord."

"Anyway, actually, I don't give a shit about your stupidly expensive window, Princess Peach. 1. I'm a king, I've got tons of money and I can pay for it whenever I need to. In fact, so can you for that matter. 2. I'm an _EVIL_ king, things like broken windows don't matter to me. And 3. I'm here to kidnap and rape you, not replace your windows."

"Now then, allow me to kidnap you."

"Stand-a back-a Koopa crap!"

"Mario, what a surprise." Rolls eyes. "Mario, this time I'm going to beat you."

"You-a mean like-a when I threw you into those bombs in Super Mario 64?"

"Shut up!!"

And so, the not-so-epic RPG style battle started.

"Don't worry Mario, you can't lose! It's against the laws of video games."

"Shut-a up, bitch."

"Anyway, screw toying with you. That's how villains always lose. Check out this awesome rod!" Holds up the Star Rod.

Mario looks down. "It's-a pretty small."

"Punches Mario., No, you Japanese-Italian idiot! I meant the Star Rod that I stole from Star Haven that can grant wishes that I'm going to use to make myself invincible!"

"Oh. That rod. Well, that one's MUCH longer."

"Again, shut up. Now then, I WISH I WAS INVINCIBLE!!"

Bowser then claw-swiped Mario several times, breathed fire on him, and struck him with a lightning bolt, somehow sending him flying out of the castle to float like paper to his NOT-demise.

"PAPER MARIO" Then appeared in big coloured letters despite the title already having been revealed.

Several hours later, Mario is unconscious in a clearing. Suddenly, the area darkened and The Seven Star Spirits appeared.

"OH SHIT, MARIO'S UNCONSCIOUS, WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE GONNA DO!?

"Shut up, Muskular, I'm sure if we combine our strength to heal him, he'll still be unconscious and not wake up for several days."

"You mean just like you after you sit down, Eldstar?? Hm?"

"Klevar, I Skolar, tell you to cease insulting Eldstar, since, as his pun of a name implies he is your elder, and as such you are to respect him."

"Who cares about their elders? I just wanna be with my Muskular."

"Oh, Misstar, you're so perverted."

"Really, like you can say that, Mamar."

"Quiet, Kalmar, let's try to heal him anyway."

Immediately, the Star Spirits use their energy to slightly heal Mario. After they disappear, a young female Goomba comes into the clearing.

"Hey, that red cap, those overalls, and even the mustache…This guy has no fashion sense! Goompa, Goompapa, Goombario!! I found a body, I think he's DEAD!!"

After a while Mario is sleeping once again. Then Eldstar appears.

"Mario, I probably should have told you this before, but I'm senile. You MUST come to Shooting Star Summit. That way, we can explain the plot to you. See you there."

Shortly after, Mario wakes up and looks around.

"Huh, where-a the fuck am I?" As if to answer that very question, a Toad came in and started talking to him.

"Hey, Mario, I'm so glad you're awake. Anyway, you're in Goomba Village. A family of friendly, non-evil Goombas live here. So don't kill them. Oh, and I live here too, so don't kill me either."

"How long was I-a asleep? And why-a did I-a have a sleep-hallucination about-a a Star with-a a mustache?"

"To answer your first question, you've only been asleep for 3 days. As for your second question, I think you mean a dream, but otherwise I don't know."

Mario then headed out and talked to people…I mean Goombas.

"OHMIGOD, Mario! HI, I'M GOOMBARIO & I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN AND-"Thwack.

"Shut-a up, kid."

"OKAY, MARIO!"

"Sigh. Hey, Goomba with the 'stache. What's up?"

"Oh, I was just fixing this gate. The earthquake broke it, but, it's fixed now, and I assume you need to get somewhere beyond this gate."

"Yeah, I do."

"Mwee hee hee hee! I figured you would be here. After all, you always were a hardy person, Mario."

"Hey, daddy, what's that ugly flying thing?"

"UGLY!? I'm a beautiful Magikoopa with a beautiful name: Kammy Koopa."

"Lady, you're really old, and you're not very beautiful either."

"Shut up, kid. Here, Mario. Here's a gift from King Bowser himself. A YELLOW WOODEN BLOCK THAT YOU CAN'T JUMP OVER!" Kammy quickly conjured up said block and dropped it on the gate.

"Wow-a, that's-a stupid _and_ a problem-a at the same-a time."

As Kammy flew away, she delivered the following laughter: "Wee hee hack ha kack haff haff."

"Um. I just finished fixing that thing. Nobody say "gate" to me."

"Don't-a say _gaaaaaate_?"

"Yes, don't say gate to me."

(AN: It's a good idea if you think of this as an Animaniacs style song with polka music in the background. Also, since it's a musical number, I'm going to say who says what to avoid confusion.)

Mario: Ohhhhhhhhhh…

Goompapa: What are you doing, Mario?

Mario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! Goombario!"

Goombario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! So no need to get iraaaaaaate! Goombaria!"

Goompapa: "I'm IRATE."

Goombaria: They come in lots of colours that are really good. You can make 'em out of anything! Rock, plastic, metal wood! Goomama!!"

Goompapa: "NOT MY WIFE TOO!!"

Goomama: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It keeps the monsters out so your children don't have to pout! Monsters out! Gooma!"

Gooma: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! It can close and open! Close and open! Like it you will, I'm hopin'! Goompa!"

Goompapa: "I don't like it!!"

Goompa: It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! Gates can be your friends! And until they do, this is THE SONG THAT NEVER ENDS!! Mario!"

Goompapa: "OH GOD, PLEASE STOP IT!!"

Mario: "It's a gate, gate, gate and it's really great! We'll never stop singing until you admit it! Goombario, hit it!"

Goombario: Starts playing accordion

Goompapa: "NO!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!"

Everyone except Goombario and Goompapa: "SAY YOU LIKE GATES!!"

Goompapa: "NEVER!! I HATE THEM!!"

Goombario: Accordion music continues

Goompapa: "Goombario!! STOP that awful music!!"

Goombario continues playing the accordion!!"

Goombario: Ok. Okay. OKAY! I LIKE GATES!! Starts crying Happy now?

Everyone but Goompapa: Yes. Very. Everyone then stops and heads back to where they were before.

Several minutes later.

"So-a old man… How do I get past this wooden block?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Don't-a make-a me start-a the gate song-a again." At this statement, Goompapa became terrorized.

"OKAYOKAYOKAY!! Just don't make them sing it again, PLEEAASE!!"

"Sooo?"

"My father Goompa has a hammer. It can break this. He's out fixing the veranda. PLEASE don't make them sing it again!!"

"To-a the veranda! Wait-a… What's a veranda?"

Goombaria was promptly heard screaming in response to this. "IT'S ANOTHER WORD FOR BALCONY DUMBASS!"

Mario obviously retaliated in an intelligible manner. "sHUT uP kid, UR StooPId!"

After this exchange, he headed out to the veranda.

"Um, Mario, dear the…"

"Yeah-a, yeah-a, lady. I-a know, the gate's-a crushed. Steps out the door Hey-a. I'm-a standing on air! Wait-a-minute-a…THE-A VERANDA ISN'T-A HERE!! SHIIIIIT!!"

"Yeah… THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU!!" Gooma could be heard yelling to Mario as he yet again, paperishly fell to his NOT-demise.

One excruciating fall later.

"Thank-a god I'm-a made-a out-a of paper-a or-a that-a would-a have-a hurt-a. It-a seems-a like-a all I've-a been-a doing in-a this game is-a falling."

"Huh, who's there?"

"Uh…It's-a-me-Mario!"

"Sorry, I can't see well. Whaddaya look like?"

"Blue overalls, red cap, huge mustache."

"OHH. You're that corpse Goombaria found…ZOMBIE!!"

"Wait-a, wait-a, I'm-a not a zombie!!"

"Prove it."

"I-a don't look like a zombie."

"You could be 1 in disguise."

"I-a don't move like a zombie."

"I've seen some pretty energetic zombies. That slow-walking thing is just a stereotype."

"I-a don't ACT-A like a zombie."

"Zombie personalities are also stereotypes."

"I don't-"SHUT UP AND DIE, ZOMBIE!!" At that moment, Goompa whipped out a Fire Flower and attacked Mario. Once the incident was over, Mario's skin and clothes were burned to a crisp.

"Okay, you survived fire. You're not a zombie."

"I-a hate you."

"What was that? Oh…I like you too Mario."

"Anyway, where's-a the hammer?"

"Oh, well I was fixing the veranda, and when the veranda collapsed I fell and my hammer bounced off somewhere to the west. At least, I think so. I might have just mistaken a bird for the hammer."

"YOUR-A HAMMER-A _BOUNCED??_ That-a makes no sense-a!"

"We're living paper. Making sense doesn't matter. Now let's go find that hammer." After traveling a short distance west, they found an area with several bushes.

"Mario, you can search bushes using the A button when an "!" appears over your head."

"Lol wut?" Searches a bush without any of the following and finds a coin. "Sweet! I-A FOUND MONEY IN THE BUSHES!"

Searches more bushes and finds more money

"MONEY, MONEY, MONEY!"

After searching several bushes, he finds a wooden hammer in a bush.

"Why-a is-a Wakko's mallet inside a bush?"

"You stupid whippersnapper! That's my hammer! But screw that, it's yours now for no reason. Let's get out of here."

And so, Goompa headed out of the area with Mario in tow and…

PUNCH, SMASH, BEATTHESHITOUTOF!!! Immediately, Goompa was sent rolling back into the area, followed by what looked like a Koopa in a white shell that was cracked in the middle, just enough for him to see out of.

"WHAT THE ING FS FUCK ARE YOU MOTHERFERS DOING IN _MY_PLAYGROUND, YOU RETARDED BITCHES?!?!?" 

"Who-a are you??"

"I'M JR. TROOPA!! DON'T YOU REALIZE THAT YOU SHITTY IDIOT!?!?" 

"No. I've-a never-a heard of you."

"THAT'S IT…I'M KILLING YOU!!!" 

"Lose-a the bold caps, man."

"Mario. This potty-mouthed punching bag is Jr.Troopa, the neighbourhood bully. He talks trash, but he's not much for you."

"Done."

"YOU BEAT HIM THAT FAST!?"

"Yeah, I-a just-a smashed my-a hammer to his-a face." Meanwhile, Jr. Troopa was standing in a daze seeing stars & had a bloody nose.

"I'M…NOT DEAD YET, YOU…MORON!!" 

"You really are stupid aren't you?"

"**SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRESSPASSED HERE!! THIS IS MY PLAYGROUND AND NO ONE ELSE'S!!"**

"You don't own this land, you don't even pay rent!!"

"**YES I DO!! I EVEN PAY MORTGAGE!!**Shows the deed to the land with his signature. **NOT TO MENTION I HAVE A PRIVATE PROPERTY SIGN TOO!!" **Points out said sign.

"1. That's-a just-a a piece-a of paper-a with some scribbles-a, &, 2. That-a sign says "No littering, public area."

"**SHUT UP!! FULL MOTHERFUCKING POWER!!" **Jr. Troopa proceeded to attack Mario in a fast fury of fists, Mario didn't flinch then kicked him where it hurts, THROUGH THE SHELL.

"I'd never get my ass kicked by a koopa who isn't out of his shell yet. (Goddamn, every inch of my body hurts like hell.)"

"**I'LL REMEMBER THIS, MARIO!! AND I'LL COME BACK TO KICK YOUR ASS!!" **Runs off and runs back. **"I'M FUCKING SERIOUS!!"**

"What a psychopath-a."

"Anyway, Mario, go and smash that yellow block that's blocking our path." Heads over to the yellow block.

Several minutes later.

"Mario, what are you doing?" Arose the question regarding the plumber "playing" with a Princess Peach Doll.

"I'm-a playing with-a Princess Peach! I found her in a tree! Hah hah ha!!"

"Mario, you ever been to the funny farm?"

"Yeah, it was-a great, I got-a a healthy breakfast every-a day and they-a played games with me! Although-a the games were-a a little weird. They paid _"_special" attention to me."

"Yeah, Mario, that place was great. Anyway, we should get going now. Also, I think that's Goombaria's doll that she said she lost."

And so, Mario & Goompa headed off smashed a Yellow Block, & found more stuff in trees.

They soon entered an area filled with Goombas.

"Mario, this area is filled with evil Goombas who work for Bowser. If you see one, give it a whack with your hammer or jump on it!" SMACK! STOMP!

"DIE EVIL-A, GOOMBA!"

"Mario! I'm not one of the evil Goombas!"

"DON'T-A TRY-A TO FOOL ME!"

This continued for several minutes until Mario finally understood the situation…And Goompa was beaten to a pulp.

"That-a was pay-back-a for when-a you thought I-a was a zombie."

"Um…Sorry?"

"Hey, look! A GOOMBA!! Die, evil Goomba!"

"Yipe!" Upon realizing that this time Mario was NOT attacking him, Goompa proceed to warn Mario as the plumber flew through the air to land on the Goomba.

"Wait, Mario! This is an RPG!"

"What?" Upon his uttering of this a message saying "You made the first strike!" appeared and a curtain came down then went back up to show Mario landing on the Goomba.

"OW! Man, who goes jumping on people's he…Oh, shit. It's Mario."

"That's-a right it's-a me, Mario!" This statement was followed by another jump attack, getting rid of the Goomba's 2nd half of his HP.

2 Paragoomba's attacked Mario to avenge their comrade.

"Mario, just some advice, you can't hit flying enemies with your hammer."

"1. That-a should be obvious to anyone-a with common sense, 2. This hammer is no-a more useful than-a jumping, & 3…" This was followed by Mario whacking the crap out of the Paragoomba's with his hammer when they tried to swoop down and attack him.

"Okay. Forget I said that." Mario was then ambushed by a Spiked Goomba who had been hiding behind a mushroom.

"Boo! Now to kill you, Mario!"

"1. That's-a not scary, 2. You can't-a beat me, & 3. I could-a see you for a while."

"Um. Damnit!" Mario was then seen jumping towards his head.

"MARIOWAITIFYOUJUMPONASPIKYENEMYYOU'LLTAKEDAMAGE!! Pant…wheeze…pant."

And Goompa's prophecy was right, Mario landed on him, and the spike pierced the leather of his boots and his skin causing Mario to yell out in pain, land on the ground, and then starting trying to suck the wound whilst curled up in a fetal position.

However…

"TAKE THIS, PLUMBER-PUNK!" Mario's head then felt the brunt of the spike.

"Waaahhh! Mommy!! HE-A HURT ME!!"

Goompa then noticed something. "Hey! You attacked out of order! Mario is supposed to go first! Therefore, he gets to attack twice!"

"Oh…no." The Spiked Goomba was then pummeled with Mario's hammer. Shortly after, he was dead and still being whacked.

"Mario, I think that's enough. He's probably dead by now."

"Okey-dokey!"

Soon, Goompa and Mario headed off to the gate and once again entered the village. Goombario and Goombaria then came running tears in their eyes, and began alternating between speaking in unison and ordered.

"We thought you were dead!!" They declared in unison.

"But now you're alive!" Goombaria called out.

"Aw, don't worry grandkids, I'm still here."

"But that's bad!" Goombario then explained to his grandpa/Goompa.

"Huh?"

"We were happy when we thought you were dead!" Goompa's face then fell into a state of depression.

"Anyway, I have to get something from the house, stay there and talk with the kids."

Goombario now out of tears noticed the doll, Mario was holding. "Hey, that's Goombaria's doll, I think you should give it back to her."

"Okay. I-a liked it though."

"OMG!!OMG!!MYDOlLyThAnKYoUsOMUcH!!111LIEK**HERE**HAvETHIsSHiNySTarPiEceTHINGYiT'SaLlSHInYAnDSTuFF!!" Kisses Mario

"OH-A GOD!! I-A GOT KISSED BY A GOOMBA!!" Mario then ran around frantically, ultimately getting knocked over when Goompa opened the door right onto his face.

"Hey, Mario. Here it is, it's a Power Jump Badge. Also, let me teach you how to equip badges." Noticeably, whilst he said this, Goompa was unknowingly standing on Mario, preventing him from getting up.

"Oh-a god."

"Okay then, thanks for agreeing. Let's begin…"

One how-to-use-badges tutorial later.

"Okay, Mario. It's time to get on with your adventure."

"Finally. I-a hurt like hell. NOW-A HURRY UP AND-A GET-A OFF-A MY BACK!!"

The children, not noticing Goompa on Mario's back, begin commenting on this.

"Aww, Mario's so lucky, getting to go on adventures and save Princesses, right big bro?"

"YEAH, MARIO'S AWESOME!!111"

"Yeah, you're getting overexcited again, you friggin' nerd."

"A nerd that can headbonk you to death, bitch!"

"Hm…That's it!! Goombario, since nobody here likes you,(Goomama: "I DO!!".) you're bound to kill us with your headbonks and incredible knowledge soon, & you're old enough but too lazy to pay rent…GO WITH MARIO!!"

"WHAT!? But, I don't want my dear grandson to leave!! Take Goombaria instead!"

"WHAT!? And, hey, Gooma!!"

"Don't we, AS HIS PARENTS, get a say in this!?"

"I'm the father of 1 of you,(I just can't remember which.) whichever of you it is, take your date home and go to your room!"

"We're married you idiot!! And we have kids for that matter!!"

"Quiet, whippersnappers. Goombario's going."

"AWESOME!!!111 I GET TO GO AN ADVENTURE WITH MARIO!!!"

"WHAT!? I-a can't have-a that fanboy-a following me-a around everywhere-a! Wait, incredible knowledge?"

"YEAH!! I'm totally awesome! My head is hard like a ROCK from all the training I've done since childhood and by brain is packed from all the studying!!1"

"So-a, you're strong AND-a a genius?"

"Yep!"

You're-a coming with-a me, **now**."

"ALRIGHT!!1"

& so Mario, headed off with SUPER-FANBOI…I mean, Goombario, and so Mario smashed the yellow block and headed off with his new fanboy…er…ally.

Goomba Road…

Mario noticed a sign with a picture of a mushroom on it, and proceeded to read it…

"To-a regain your-a health, eat-a a mushroom." The mushroom then came off of the sign and landed on the ground.

"Holy-a shit! Free mushroom!"

After a short walk featuring beating the crap out of random Goombas… Which included Goombario.

"DIE-A, DIE-A, YOU-A STUPID, EVIL, GOOMBA!"

"Mario, I'm your _friend_! Stop attacking me!"

"Oh, right."

"HEY!! Plumber and Goomba with the bad relationship!!"

"Plumber!? I don't wanna get stomped on!"

"Goomba!? I gotta-a stomp it!" Sees Goombario "MARIO…STOMP…**GOOMBA!!!"**

"Look up here morons." It was revealed that the two voices were coming from an fat oversized, red Goomba, and an equally fat oversized, blue, Goomba!

"HEY! We object to that, you stupid, invisible, voice!"

"HEY-A, there's-a the morons who-a called US morons!! ATTACK!!"

"Right-eyOH, huh? Mario, what are you doing?"

"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" Goombario was sent crashing into the Red and Blue Goombas.

"Wait, we didn't even get to introduce ourselves!" As the Red Goomba said this, Goombario straggled back over to Mario.

"Mario, what was tha-"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" This time, all 3 crashed into the rock behind them, and were now beaten.

"WAAHHH!! You guys beat us up! Run awaaaay!"

"I'm-a the winner!" Mario and Goombario now resumed their journey, getting assaulted by Goombas hiding in signs, much to Mario's annoyance. Eventually they arrived at what looked like a small fortress on a cliff.

"Hey, Mario. I see a Star Piece in that tree."

"Hey! You're-a right! Guess you ARE useful after all. Oooh, shiny. DO WANT."

While Mario was mesmerized by the Star Piece and Goombario was feeling frustrated, the Goomba Bros jumped out onto the top of the fortress.

"Haha!! We are the Goomba Bros, and now we will introduce ourselves!! I'm-"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" The red Goomba was promptly pelted with Goombario once again.

The other one, decided just to skip the intro and get on with the battle after seeing this.

"GOOMBA KING!! Get up here, we need your help from these two meanies who beat us up!! WAAHHH!!"

"Well, everything will be fine now that The Goomba King is here!" The Goomba king appeared. Unfortunately there was nothing royal-looking about a red-and-white-stripe-shorts-wearing guy.

Furthermore, his large pupils constantly shifted between being at the top and the bottom of his eyes, with neither in the same position at any time, making him look hopelessly cross-eyed.

"Good, Goomba King, sir! You look kind of cool!" The blue Goomba could be heard exclaiming.

"Now, let's fight!" The Goomba King jumped down and prepared for battle.

"Um…Mario."

"Shut-a up, I'm-a trying to figure out how to get that Star Piece."

"Just whack the tree with your hammer, you moron!"

"Oh-a right." Mario then whacked the tree, and what else would fall out but…

"A damned Goomnut!" Oblivious to this, the goomnut fell out and landed on the Goomba King and his minions, knocking the two out a second time.

"How dare you knock out my henchmen! Goomba King spinning foot attack! Whoah, getting dizzy." At this, the Goomba King fell over. Goombario then pushed his dizzy body over the cliff and found a switch whilst Mario finally got the Star Piece out of the tree.

"YAY! I DID IT!" Both exclaimed, but for different reasons. Mario then climbed up to the top of the fortress's tower.

"Hey-a Goombario! Look-a at me!" "Cool, Mario! I'm just gonna hit this switch." Goombario then headbonked the switch, somehow causing the windows to fall off leaving just the wall.

"Hey-a, Goombario! What's-a going on!?"

"I don't know!! Somehow the fortress's tower's window's fell off!"

"How-a is-a that possi-SPROING

The fortress's tower then sprung out like a catapult sending Mario through the air and forming a bridge!

"YEEEEEEEAAAA-Hi-a, Kammy!-AAAAAHH!"

"You damned whippersnapper, don't scare me like that! Now, I've gotta go get some medication or something, instead of spying on you!"

"MARIO!? ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?11"

"Yes, you stupid fanboy. I'm the great Mario! Of course I'm alright!"

"GREAT!! Let's go! Where are we going anyway?"

"Toad Town."

"Cool! That sounds so cool, your adventures are so cool…Blah, blah, blah…"

"_I-a cannot wait to-a kill this damned kid."_

And so, at last. The two finally arrived at Toad Town. But first, a change of view!

Bowser's Castle

"Pant…wheeze…pant. Lord Bowser! Mario defeated The Goomba King. Also, he almost gave me a heart attack."

"Oh no! I have to call my local hospital!"

"Thank you…your caringness."

"The hospital bills will be sky high if I keep life support on him! CURSE YOU, AMERICAN MEDICAL SYSTEM!!"

At this, Kammy face faulted.

"Hello…Yes? WHAT?! I can't cancel my agreement to pay his medical bills! But, I ONLY DID THAT BECAUSE I WAS SURE HE WOULD WIN!! Sobs"

"There, there your greediness…"

"Hangs up Stupid medical people. I only made him like that because he begged me and said he could beat Mario. Now what am I gonna do?"

"Lord Bowser, you needn't worry."

"Huh?"

"Here come the Koopa Bros!"

"We'll defeat Mario with the power of teamwork!! Show 'em boys!" The other 3 Koopa Bros then whipped out various objects that they probably shouldn't have anyway.

"OH GOD, NO! NOT THOSE!! Totally, not cool, boys."

"Ohh. You meant _that_."

The Koopa Bros then piled on top of each other, forming some sort of Koopa-tower.

"Well, so far this looks just as gay as what you ALMOST did." They then shined their rings and started spinning.

"Awesome! Wait, that's too bright. AHHH!! I'm blind!"

"As am I, your blindness!"

"Still, it's awesome! I'm blind, but it's AWESOME!! You're hired. Anyway, who's guarding the Star Spirit that I assigned to you before hiring?"

"No one, sir. We're here, and no one's at the fortress yet. Come to think of it, how did we get up to your castle anyway?? Hmmm."

"YOU RETARDS!! Stop using logic and guard the Star Spirit!!"

"Yes sir!" The Koopa Bros then ran off, 1 minute later, they could be heard screaming as they fell to their demise.

"Morons."

Now, back to Mario.

Strangely enough, despite their Mario's defeat and subsequent dissapearance, no one seemed to care about his return.

"So, Mario? This is Toad Town, right? Is this where you grew up and stuff? Huh? HUH?? huh?!"

"Firstly, shut up, and secondly, sort of."

"Ah, finally, a town that's NOT primarily inhabited by Goombas."

"Hey! That's speciesism!"

"So? Why-a should I care?"

"BECAUSE IT'S RUDE!!"

"Anyway, come-a on, we-a have to get to-a Shooting Star Summit."

"We do?"

"Did I-a even tell you anything?" Mario asked as they walked past Merlon's house.

"No, you didn't." Goombario responded as they walked down the street.

"Well, I guess I-SMACK" While the two were busy conversing, they walked straight into the gate.

"Damn-a, I-a guess I forgot this gate was here."

"Idiot." Mario then retaliated by picking up Goombario and slamming him into the gate.

"Shut up, Goombario." Mario said whilst opening the gate.

"Whoa. What's that crater?"

"Don't-a you pay-a any attention-a to-a anything in the world?"

"Unless it's related to you, no."

"Well-a then, Princess Peach's Castle was-a recently stolen along with-a the princess herself."

"WHAT!?"

"Yeah. Anyway, to Shooting Star Summit."

Soon the sky got darker and stars started falling and hitting the ground more frequently as they headed through the area. Several times, one or both of them was hit in the head by a shooting star.

"AUGH!! GETITOUTGETITOUT!!"

"Errrgh, I'm-a trying! It's-a stuck! Wait-a, never-a mind, got it! YAH!! It's-a hot!"

"Well of course it's a star, dumbass."

"Seriously, why-a did they-a make this place-a a tourist-a attraction?"

"THIS place is a tourist attraction!? It's frigging dangerous here!"

"I-a know!! HEY, look! We're at-a the top-a of the summit-a already!

"What's that fuzzy thing? It looks like a star with a mustache, except it's as clear as my TV reception."

"You-a don't have-a a TV, remember-a? In-a fact, I can-a barely think-a of ANYONE in the-a Mushroom Kingdom who-a has a TV! Still, he looks like something I saw in a hallucination once."

"You idiot, Mario! I'm the thing you saw in your dream! I'm Eldstar, one of the Seven Star Spirits, and I've been wasting my energy waiting for you here! Hell, just talking is wasting my energy!!"

"Oh-a yeah! You! That's-a why I-a came here!"

Then the other 6 Star Spirits appeared and each one went to a different part, kind of forming a circle around Mario and Goombario.

"OMG, OMG, OMG IT'S THE LEGENDARY SEVEN STAR SPIRITS!!"

"Mario, and whoever your partner is-"Hey!"-we had you come here so we can explain the game's plot."

"Shut up, you old codger. Anyway, there exists an item ripped-off from the Kirby series: The Star Rod."

"Quiet, Mamar, I as the scholar, Skolar, will explain it to them. Basically, we use it to grant the wishes of good citizens of The Mushroom Kingdom."

"Anyway, Bowser being evil, always wished things like: "I want to have sex with Princess Peach." "I want to rule The Mushroom Kingdom." or "I want to kill Mario." Of course, us Star Spirits ignored those wishes since Bowser was evil.

"Ooh, Muskular, you have such a sexy voice. Anyway, one day, that hunk Bowser came(Hee hee.) and grabbed the Star Rod.(Again, hee hee.)

"Shut up, Misstar, you whore. Allow me Klevar to continue the story. Anyway, Bowser used the Star Rod and imprisoned us.

"And now, I Kalmar shall finish the story. He then sent various henchmen to guard us as we remained trapped in our various locations. Eldstar, your turn to speak.

"Right. TL;DR: Halp. You must save us, together we can beat Bowser and restore peace to the land."

"Okay. So-a that was all?"

"Yep."

"Don't-a I get-a something for listening through all of that?"

"No. Although you will get a power of some sort each time you save one of us. Now go save the Mushroom Kingdom, AGAIN."

"Fine. _Superpowers, here I come._" The Star Spirits then dissapeared.

"Well, that was cool, and it sort of helps. I wonder what the Princess is up to."

Time for a change of perspective!

"Damnit, Goombario!"

With Princess Peach…

"BAWWWWWWWW! Bowser stole my castle, everyone's in prison, I can't escape, I've got no magazines, & Bowser sucks in bed! The Mushroom Kingdom-And more importantly, my life-will be destroyed at this rate! Oh, I wish someone would help me."

Tap, tap.

"Huh?"

Tap, tap.

"What the hell!? There's a flying star with a face tapping my balcony door! Ah well, may as well open it."

"Hi, I'm Twink. I'm a Star Kid who just got called up to the sky recently, so I suck at granting wishes. I heard you say "I wish", and rushed over here!

"WHAT THE!? You heard me all the way from Star Haven!? What, do you have video surveillance cameras everywhere?!"

"Of course. How else would we spy on everyone so we can know to rush towards them?"

Peach facefaults

"Right then. Well, can you steal back the Star Rod from Bowser?"

"No, that's too hard for me."

"Can you rescue the prisoners?"

"Nope."

"Can you get at least ME out of here?"

"Nope."

"So, are you completely useless?"

"Pretty much."

"OH WAIT!! I just figured a way to make you useful and get rid of you for a while!!"

"What?! What!? WHAT!? (I can't wait to get out of here.)"

"Here, take this pendant called the Lucky Star to Mario and tell him I'm fine and he shouldn't worry."

"Got it! Bolts out the window, which is then closed by Princess Peach I'M FREE!! For now."

Back to Mario…

By this time Mario and Goombario were almost back at the crater where Princess Peach's Castle was.

CLUNK

"Ah, mamafucker!!"

"Oh, sorry, sorry I'm-SMASH, SMASH, SMASH.

"That's-a for-a crashing into-a my head-a you stupid star…thingy!"

"Owww…Sorry, I'm in a rush. I have to deliver a gift from Princess Peach to Mario."

"I'm-a Mario! See-a the red-a "M" on my red-a cap and the blue-a and red overalls?!"

"Ohhh, sorry. Here, it's a Lucky Star, it allows you to use the Action Command. The Action Command can help a lot in battle, and…

"If I-a need to do-a a practice battle, I-a can just-a beat up Goombario."

"WHAT!? But, Mario!"

"Shut up."

"Fine."

"Anyway, the Princess says she's fine and you shouldn't worry about her." Twink then flew off…Right into the Magikoopa who was following him.

"Why you, how dare you crash into me after I was following you. I'll kill you Mario!"

"GOOMBA CHUCK!!"

"GAH!! What the!?"

"Surprise headbonk!!"

"Yowch." By this time, the Magikoopa had fallen to the ground.

"Bye, bye." Following this statement, Mario then rapidly pummeled the Magikoopa with his hammer, till he was beaten and dissapeared in some sort of weird explosion like most enemies in this game do.

"Wow, you're strong. Bye now!"

"Stupid star thingy."

5 minutes later…

Mario was back in Toad Town. A local Toad then approached him.

"Hey, Mario. Merlon, the fortune teller in the house with the whirling roof is waiting for you."

Mario and Goombario then looked at Merlon's house.

"…"

"…"

"Hahahaha!! Everyone KNOWS fortune telling is bullshit!! Right, Mario?"

"Of-a course, and look-a at that stupid whirling roof. Wehoohoohoo!!"

"Yeah. I can't BELIEVE these morons! They believe in fortune-telling!?

BLAM!! In a flash of lightning, which scorched the ground, scared the locals, and defied logic, Merlon appeared.

"**HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY FAMILY PROFESSION!?"**

"Geez louise. Way to-a be butthurt, man."

"Quiet! Let me prove my fortune-telling is real!"

"Okay. What am I thinking right now?"

Merlon then made Goombario's thoughts into sound which were revealed to be:

"Mario is awesome, Mario is awesome, Mario is awesome…" 

"Okay-a, then we-a believe you. So why do we need to see you?"

"I will tell you how to get the first Star Spirit. But first, my life story."

Several hours later…

"And that's all. Wait-a-minute…you're all sleeping. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!"

"Huh? I-a had a dream about pasta. I-a was the pasta. And I-a was having sex with Princess Peach."

"Mario, that was weird and unnecessary."

"Anyway, you need to go to Koopa Bros Fortress and retrieve the first Star Spirit. To do this, you will need the help of a blue-shelled koopa. Mind you, blue-shelled koopas haven't been around for years and are very rare."

"DAMNIT!! Well-a, I guess we should get going."

So Mario and Goombario headed to the entrance of Pleasant Path, only to be blocked by 4 Toads, all of whom's mushroom caps were blackish gray with red, green yellow, or light gray/black spots.

"Yo, you shouldn't go to Koopa Bros Fortress."

"Yeah, Red is right. It's dangerous."

"Agreed, Green there knows what's good for you. Oh, and you DEFINITELY shouldn't ask old man Merlon for help."

"Yeah, like Yellow said, -which I, Black, agree with- you shouldn't. That would be really bad for us, I mean you."

"…"

"…"

"You-a guys are idiots."

"Yeah, it couldn't be any more obvious that you're the Koopa Bros. We should just kick your ass right now."

"Yeah, you-a have BLACK mushroom caps, a normal-a Toad has a white one."

"HEY, that's racist. I'm Black! As are my homies, here."

"Actually, if I'm reading your pathetic disguises right, only one of you is actually black."

"Erm. Damnit."

"Anyway, you're also acting completely rude and evil, which is the opposite of a Toad."

"HEY-A MERLON, THERE ARE "STRANGE TOADS" BLOCKING THE WAY!!"

BLAM!!

"Jeez, do you HAVE to appear like that!?"

"Yes. Now then, these Toads are obviously The Koopa Bros! _Reveal your true selves!!_"

With this spell, The Koopa Bros were struck by magical lightning and turned back into Koopa Bros

"GAAHHH!! That hurt man. Also, crap we're back in our normal forms!! Boys, flee!!"

"Stupid-a cowards."

"Anyway, I, Merlon probably won't be useful for another 6 or so chapters. My work here is done, adieu."

"Come-a on, Goombario. To Pleasant Path!"

"Alright!!"

And so, they FINALLY walked on to Pleasant Path.

END OF PROLOGUE!!!

Next time: Chapter 1, Pwning the Koopa Bros Fortress.


	2. Super Koopa Bros

Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door

**Disclaimer for the story, this chapter, previous chapters, and future chapters: I do not own Nintendo, nor any of it's franchises, property, characters, ideas, resources, etc. Any content in this story is copyrighted to it's rightful owner(s). This story is a parody, and is protected by Fair Use.**

I would just like to say, that this chapter may be somewhat perverted, if you don't like that, you should try to avoid it.

**Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door**

Intelligence not required

_Chapter 1: Pwning the Koopa Bros Fortress._

Mario and Goombario were now on Pleasant Path, walking pleasantly, pleasantly pummeling pleasantly pleasant Koopas who were pleasantly walking along the path.

"Damn. Hits a Koopa It's-a been-a long time since-a the author updated-a."

"Shut up, Mario, we're not supposed to talk about that."

"You-a don't tell me to shut-a up, got that, minion?"

"Yes, sir."

While walking, Mario sent an unsuspecting Koopa into the lake. He & Goombario then fell in too since they weren't looking where they were going.

Mario then screamed, albeit garbled since he had water in his mouth. "Gyahhlubglub!! GOOMBARIO, I CAN'T-A glub SWIM!! It's-a like I'm made of-a paper!!"

"But, Mario! You're MARIO!! YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SWIM!!"

"BUT I-A CAN'T!!" At the time of this scream, Goombario had already got back on foot, unnoticed by Mario.

"GOOMBARIO! HELP-A ME!!"

Goombario threw a rope, then hauled Mario, soaked and panting in.

"Stop eating the pasta fatty."

"What??" Mario then shook his head and slapped one side of it, letting out water and fish. "That's-a better. Now what did you say?"

"Uh, I said: _"Mop beating the master catty."_. Yeah that's what I said." Was the response, the excuses lacking Goomba gave.

"Oh. That's-a a weird-a sentence. Still-a, how-a do we-a get over-a this gap?"

Goombario falls back to sit at a tree. "I dunno, lol." His rock-hard head then knocked a switch out of the tree upon his head's impact. The switch then fell down and Mario hit it, causing a bridge to appear.

They both spoke simultaneously "Well that was convenient." Then they walked across the bridge, watching as a Koopa attacked in it's shell and went off into the lake.

"Dumbass." After getting up the hill, they noticed what looked like blue-striped poles with beady, black eyes.

Mario then began pacing around one, as he did this it started throwing hearts and the invincibility theme began playing whilst it's eyes followed him.

"Wheeeee, I'm-a invincible!! Starman, woo-OH GOD, IT'S EYES ARE FOLLOWING ME!!" Distracted, Mario ran smack into a fence.

"I think I'm gonna vomit, all these damned organs on the ground."

Mario heard this, and began panicking at the idea of seeing someone vomit, since, honestly, who wants to see that? "Gotta-a get Goombario away, gotta-a get-a Goombario away, gotta get-a awa-AH HAH!" Mario noticed a path, heading downwards and took it, taking Goombario there.

Mario ran into Koopa Village still carrying a ready-to-vomit Goombario and was promptly greeted by an equally panicked, shell-less Koopa.

"Hi! Welcome to Koopa Village, we're being attacked by fuzzies they look like this!" The Koopa then thought of what a Fuzzy looked like, obviously, Mario didn't see it.

"That-a can't-a be that bad, with-a them being called-a fuzzies and all. By-a the way, I-a can't-a see what you're-a thinking or saying-a, maybe if you had-a a picture. Oh, and-a where's your-a shell?"

"The fuzzies stole my shell, they look like black fuzzy things, and they suck bloo-"WAIT-A MY-A FRIEND WILL-A VOMI-"BLEAAHHH!!" At the thought of this, Goombario vomited all over the Koopa, which deterred a Fuzzy from attacking him.

"THANK YOU, FRIEND!! My blood is once again safe!!"

"Ugghh…" The Koopa then ran around screaming in joy, and covered in vomit, disgusting and confusing the others.

Mario then noticed a tree with a panicked Koopa's shell in it. Using incredible strength because he's Mario, he ripped the tree out and handed the end with the shell to the Koopa, who was trembling at this display of strength.

"T-Thank you, s-sir." The Koopa then put on his shell and ran away screaming.

"NO-A PROBLEM!!" "Now-a. MARIO-A HATE-A TREE-A!!" Mario then threw the tree, which killed almost all the Fuzzies, got the Koopa's shells out of where they were being kept, and ironically, crushed the Koopa who was running away with his shell once again on his back.

Goombario was now out of his daze from the shock of seeing Mario throw a tree, and ran after him so he could keep up. Mario and Goombario then saw a blue-roofed Koopa house, in which screaming, crashing, attacking, and swearing were coming from. Somehow, the house was shaking.

"So, should we go in?"

"Yeah-a, we-a should." Mario then knocked on the door.

A blue-shelled Koopa with a red bandana around his arm opens the door, runs out, and closes the door. "Hi, I'm Kooper! I'd really love to chat right now, but I have to get back my shell, which, next to my life, is the most important thing I have!!"

"What-a about your penis?"

"Okay, now my shell is third."

"What about your dignity?"

"Okay, now it's fourth."

"And-a your brain?"

"Okay, it's fifth."

"And your body."

"Okay, my shell is sixth. Now, no more questioning if something I have is more valuable to me than my shell."

"Okay, so, let me guess. A fuzzy took your shell."

"HOLY SHIT, HOW DID YOU KNOW!? ARE YOU PSYCHIC!?"

"No-a, he's not. It's been-a happening to-a Koopas all over-a the village, all-a of which I helped."

"Hey, I helped too!"

"No-a you didn't-a!! You-a were ready-a to vomit-a the entire-a time!! In fact, you DID-a vomit!"

"Oh, right. "

"Anyway, how about this? I stand at the front door, and you go in and attack him, when he comes out here, I THUMP him!!"

"You're-a going to-a rape him??"

"NO!! I'm going to attack him!!"

"Sure you aaaaare."

"Just do the stupid plan."

"Whatever." They enter the house and are greeted by a Fuzzy.

"Meeeeorrrk!"

In unison, they responded to this with "WTF?" Then Mario chucked Goombario at him, the Fuzzy, just somehow jumped through the roof, despite this requiring either transparency or a really hard body, neither of which it should have. Goombario on the other hand, just hit the door headfirst and got a couple of splinters.

"Let's get that hacking son-of-a-bitch, Mario."

"WOOHOO!!" They then opened the door and ran off to a clearing where the Fuzzy began jumping around, and placed itself in a tree, and began bouncing between trees at a high speed whilst holding Kooper's Shell.

"Dude, lay off the caffeine. What's your blood made of, sugar? Also, give back Kooper's Shell."

"Meork, I don't drink coffee. Also, our blood is yours, although we Fuzzies DO get our hyperactive nature from drinking the blood of randomness-obsessed people. Also, no."

The Fuzzy then screamed in it's ever annoying manner.

"MEOOOOORRKKKK!! Guess where I'm hiding!!"

"MARIO HATE FUZZY!!" Mario uprooted & picked up a tree, swung it around, & knocked all the other trees down and knocked the fuzzy out.

The shell fell out of the Fuzzy's grasp almost instantly, but Fuzzies shouldn't be able to hold things anyway.

"Alright, we got his shell back."

Kooper came running into the clearing. "Guys, that's it! I'm going to prove my independence!"

"Since-a when did-a that-a become important?"

"I don't know. But I'm going to get my shell back myself!"

"We already got it back, Kooper."

"GODDAMNIT!!"

Then, the Fuzzy came back. "Hey, beyotches!! Let's fight!!" Following this statement, and the Fuzzy, 3 other Fuzzies arrived to attack.

"Here, Mario, eat this." Kooper than shoved a yellow & black mushroom in Mario's mouth.

"MFL!!" Mario then gained an electric charge, just as all the Fuzzies attacked him 1 by 1, & all 4 died from electrocution. Or at least, they should've been dead, but somehow, they were still able to bounce away.

Goombario just stared. "That was surprisingly easy."

Later, in Koopa Village…

"Hey, guys, do you know of Professor Kolorado?"

"Who-a the fuck is he?" Obviously, Mario didn't.

Goombario, however did know of him. "He's a bumbling idiot of an archaeologist who somehow got world-renown. I'm surprised he's still alive. Last I saw him, he thought Fat Albert was a booby-trap boulder."

"OMG, he's not a bumBliNg idiot!!111"

"Shut up, Kooper."

"Anyway, I've admired him ever since I was in my egg. I don't know how that's possible, though."

"Right, and we care why?" Mario was sleeping, while the two chatted.

"I want to be an archeologist. I also want to travel with you guys. But I don't think you'll le-"

"Done. Come on, archeology nerd."

Outside Koopa Village, on Pleasant Path.

"So…Do you…know…" Goombario struggled to speak as he carried the still-sleeping Mario.

"The muffin man? Who lives on Dreary Lane?"

Goombario facefaulted, thus losing his grip on Mario, and getting crushed by the plumber's weight.

"Fuph!" Goombario exclaimed, his voice muffled.

Kooper was also helpless, since a Spiky Goomba had headbonked him, thus flipping him over.

"Are you guys always this pathetic?"

"Speaph foah yourseph, Koopher." Came the muffled retort.

After several hours of immobility, & Kooper being beaten to a pulp by a Spiky Goomba, Mario finally got up.

"Hey-a guys! I dreamt-a about pasta!! What's-a up?"

"Geph fuh fuph oah me, Mario."

"Help. Ow, mister Spiky Goomba, could you please stop that?"

"Oh, sorry." Mario then got off Goombario, & beat up the enemies.

While enemies flew around in the background, and a bridge appeared, Goombario continued what he had tried to say earlier.

"So do you know the Koopa Bros?"

"Not really, I was still a child when they last lived in the village."

"Good, because we're off to kick their ass."

"Don't you mean MARIO'S off to kick their ass?"

"I guess, now, shut up."

The 3 then walked across the bridge, Paratroopas, Koopas, & Goombas attacking, all of which missed. Shortly after they reached the fortress, tired enemies in tow.

(AN: I do not intend to offend people through my means of portraying the Black Ninjakoopa.)

The door opened, & the Black Ninjakoopa came out.

"Sup, is da man around?" He spotted Mario. "Oh shi', he is! Homies, we gots a problem!" Before he could run inside, however, Mario knocked out the enemies and began chucking them at the Ninjakoopa.

All these enemies hitting dented the door, until the last, which sent the door flying through the front room & knocking out the Black Ninjakoopa.

"I'm-a number one!" Mario, Goombario, & Kooper then went into the fortress.

Goombario spotted an enemy Koopa "Mario, I think that guy has the key for this room."

"Shut-a up, Goombario." Mario then grabbed Kooper and started beating him up.

Goombario sweatdropped "Wrong Koopa, Mario."

"Oh. Swirly time!"

Upon hearing this, the enemy Koopa finally realized Mario & the others were there.

"What? Oh no, it's MariAUUGHHLUBG!! LEFUGMEGWARRL!" The Koopa screamed as Mario repeatedly dunked and spun his head into the pool, until the Koopa gave him the key. Then Mario dropped him in the water.

As they, continued through, Mario spotted Bob-ombs.

"Enemies!! Kill-a them!"

"Wait, Mario, no!" Mario ignored this and threw 1 Bob-omb at the other, killing both of them and breaking another fortress door.

As they entered the next room, the Green Ninjakoopa talked with a normal Koopa, leading to a key being placed and bars coming down, preventing access to it.

"Okay, remember this key is EVIL!! EVIL, I tell you, man!! Keep it in this prison."

"Shouldn't I try to kill Mario, he just entered after all."

"Oh crap, yes, you should while I run away." The Green Ninjakoopa then fled, while the Koopa Troopa called him a coward and flipped the bird on him.

"Hey-a, a Koopa." Mario then smashed it's head against the bars, knocking it out.

After a while, they reached a room with 2 Koopas and a Paratroopa where the entrance and exit headed up their walls as soon as our trio entered.

"Okay-a, which-a one of you is an-a Earthbender?" Mario began beating everyone up when no one answered. After the enemies, were beaten, the doors went back down.

Goombario noticed this and explained. "Mario, I think it's just some sort of Fortress gimmick.

"Hmmm. An-a Earthbending-a Fortress-a. I'll-a get you-a yet, Earthbending-a Fortress." Mario then raise and shook his fist in anger at the Fortress walls.

Kooper leaned over and whispered to Goombario. "I think he's a moron."

They then arrived in a room with fire bars & a key. Mario just ripped off Kooper's Shell.

"YEEOWCH!! What the hell are you doing, Mario!?" Mario filled the shell with water, and dumped it over the fire bars, he repeated this till they were extinguished.

"Wouldn't it have been easier NOT to rip off Kooper's Shell?" Goombario questioned as Kooper put his shell back on.

"Now-a why would I-a want to-a do that-a?" Mario struck out both his arms at this statement, to emphasize his confusion. This knocked Kooper into the water, while Goombario was too short to get hit.

As they headed up the stairs, Kooper spoke. "Goombario, I hate my life."

"And now you're part of the team, buddy."

They soon entered a huge room with an equally huge pit that no one could see the bottom of. However, they didn't care.

"Mario, I'm TELLING you, I'm useful!"

"All-a you can do-a is talk and-a headbonk. You're-a NOT useful."

Meanwhile upwards in the room…

The Yellow Ninjakoopa was quickly and randomly hammering nails in corners of a platform. There was also a "?" Block above him.

"Phew, well at least I've randomly hammered the nails for this trapdoor so it will stay shut, since obviously trapdoors aren't supposed to unexpectedly open."

Back to Mario…

"Well then, maybe you can be useful up there."

"How? Goombario doesn't really have the skills for that."

Perspective change yet again…

"GOOMBA CHUCK!!" "IYAAAA!"

"What the!?" This was all the Yellow Ninjakoopa had time to say as Goombario went flying with a scream, & hit the "?" Block, causing the trapdoor to open and both of them were falling.

"Well-a, that-a was unexpected."

The Yellow Ninjakoopa began screaming "FUUUUUUCCCCC-Oh wait!!" He then shot out a grapple shot at the wall, and swung like Tarzan.

"HAHA, SUUUCKE-Oof!!" He couldn't finish that sentence either, since he crashed into the wall while he was screaming his taunt.

Meanwhile, Goombario was falling to the dungeon, when he was suddenly grabbed by Mario.

"MARIO!! OMG! MY hero sVEd me!!111"

"What's wrong with him? And how come we haven't landed and died yet?"

"He's-a a huge fan, and as for-a landing and-a dying: Don't-a know, don't-a care."

"Anyway, how did you get to the trapdoor so fast?"

"We-a didn't. We-a jumped from-a where-a we were."

"Well, either way you guys are idiots. Now you guys are going to die too, and unless Mario is under me, I'm going to have a very painful landing and grabbing me in midair didn't help my situation to begin with. Not only that, this position is very awkward. Could you please let go?"

"Sure-a, buddy."

"Wow, never thought I'd see a fanboy ask to have his hero _let go _of him."

"Well-a, guys, what's-a your death wis-OOF!!" Just then, they FINALLY landed. Right next to several grouchy, contained Bob-Ombs. At Mario and co's landing, they all begun talking.

"Huh? Who are these 3?"

"Maybe they're dead?"

"Are they prisoner food?"

"Are any of them women?"

Suddenly, all 3 got up. Much to the dismay of the 2nd and 3rd Bob-Ombs.(The 2nd was into necrophilia.)

"Huh? Where-a are-a we?"

"It looks like a prison cell."

"Well, it looks like there's 4 or 5 prisoners here. All of them Bob-ombs."

"So-a what are you-a all in for-a?"

"We tried to start a revolution against the Koopa Bros because they were working us too hard."

Kooper just stared then asked "Don't you guys have a union?"

"No, not really. Almost all of us are considered expendable, anyway."

"Damn. That's gotta suck."

Another Bob-omb responded to this. "Yeah, kinda does. Although it's almost as disappointing that we can't get out of this prison cell."

A pink Bob-omb spoke. "Still, now I have to deal with exploding even more."

"What?"

"Oh. Never mind."

"We gotta get-a out."

Goombario leaned over and whispered. "Now that I think about it, she's kinda cute. Wouldn't you agree, Kooper?"

Kooper responded aloud "Shut up Goombario. She's mine!"

Another Bob-omb overheard this "BOTH OF YOU!! BOMBETTE IS MY LOVE!! I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER!! Even if she does explode when she orgasms…"

"GODDAMNIT!! You retard!! How could you let those two know all that about me?!"

Goombario and Kooper heard this, and smirked, trying to hold it in, but ultimately burst out laughing uncontrollably.

"AHAHAHA!! Hey, Kooper!! Di…Did you hear th…WOO HOO HOO HOO!!" Goombario was smashing his head against the wall, only to turn it to speak to Kooper.

"Hey, hey…G-Goombario, who's a pyromaniac's…favorite sex partner??" Kooper was on the floor, flailing his legs and laughing his head off.

"I dunno. Who?"

"Bombette!" "AHAHAHA!!" They were laughing harder than drunken 13-year old boys who just got told a fart joke.

"Actually, counting-a me, & the prisoners there's-a 6 people who now-a know that. Wait-a, you-a explode if you-a have an-a orgasm??" Mario just realized this, and was soon laughing and beating the crap out of his friends, who were still laughing, despite immense pain.

"FUCK!!" Bombette then exploded out of sheer rage and annoyance. "Ooooh…That felt…"

Upon noticing this, Mario, Goombario and Kooper just laughed harder.

"It's not funny, you perverted jerks!!"

Goombario just ignored this "Lololol!! IT WORKS IN REVERSE TOO!!" He was too busy laughing even more.

"OMG, this bitch is hilarious right, Mario!?"

"Shut-a up, Kooper!" Mario hit Kooper than laughed harder.

"GYAHH!!" Bombette slammed herself into them full force, sending them to hit the wall, the part Mario hit, crumbling slightly, since it was already cracked. Regardless though, the 3 weren't laughing anymore.

Goombario noticed the cracked wall, as opposed to Bombette, "Hey. I think it would be really nice if you actually exploded."

Kooper understanding that the wall should be broken stated "Yeah. That would be a really good idea." He then elbowed Mario.

"Yeah-a. It would-a be a really-a good idea."

Thinking they were trying to trick her or hit on her, Bombette exploded in all of their faces.

Bombette muttered to herself. "Fucking assholes." Then she spoke up. "You know, it actually happens to any Bob-omb. Oh, and laugh at that too, and I will kill you."

Goombario was now holding in any laughter he had left, literally for his life. As was Kooper. "Uhhh, right. It's not so f-funny anymore. R-r-right Kooper?"

"S-s-sorry, Goombario. I-I-I can't h-hear you over how hard I'm trying n-not to laugh."

Mario on the other hand noticed the cracked wall. "Hey-a. Hasn't anyone ever tried to blow-a up that-a cracked wall?"

The love-struck Bob-omb spoke this time. "No. We were too busy having explosive prison orgies. _Loving, _explosive, prison orgies."

"Oh. Well-a then." Mario picked up Bombette "Don't-a worry. It's-a not rape. Yet…" He then threw her at the wall, as Bombette went flying she exclaimed, "Oh, God!" then she exploded from the pain of hitting a wall, and exclaimed it once again, this time for a different reason.

After being in a daze from exploding, Bombette remembered something. "Hey, wait-a-minute. I could've done this from the start! Also, I want to kick the Koopa Bros' asses."

A Koopa & 2 Bob-ombs working for the Koopa Bros came running in.

"HEY!! You Bob-ombs know exploding is prohibited. Unless we're part of the fun!!"

"It's-a bowling time!" Mario grabbed Bombette "Hey!! You have your fingers in places where they shouldn't be!!" Mario just rolled her like a bowling ball, and cheered as he got a "strike".

He then whispered to the others, "Okay-a. She's **definitely** got to join."

"O-okay. I'm going to go with you on your journey, because you're powerful, and I want to beat up the Koopa Bros. (Actually, I just want to kill you 3.)"

"That's fine." Kooper said, wiping a nosebleed from his nose.

"Oh-a, sorry for-a putting my-a fingers in your-a mouth & ears." Mario apologized.

"-- That's NOT where you put them. Although I think it would've been a little less "unpleasant"."

And so, the quartet continued to head through Koopa Bros Fortress.

They reached a large room where hitting a switch would cause walls and bridges to go in or out.

"And-a that's-a why I don't like grilled cheese."

"Mario. We haven't talked since we were in the jail cell." Came the disappointed remark from Goombario.

"HOW-A COULD I-A FORGET-A TO-A SPEAK!? How-a careless of-a me!!"

Bombette then spoke. "Anyway, we should hit that switch across from us."

"Why? What if it does something bad?"

Mario just sent Kooper across, hitting the switch, sending out all the bridge and walls. They then crossed and Mario hit the switch again, retracting the wall.

"See, Kooper? Nothing bad." Goombario remarked as he trailed behind.

"Whatever." Came Kooper's response as he hit another switch.

Unfortunately, Goombario had been standing where one of the walls shot out. As a result, he was sent flying across the room and was splatted into the wall, like a tomato, "tomato juice" and all.

"Shouldn't we go get him?" Bombette asked.

"Nah, he'll be fine. Goombas don't have that many bones anyway."

"I can't feel my head. Which is about 90 of my body considering my species." Was the pained response heard from across the room.

"Ignore-a him, Kooper. He was-a never very useful-a anyway."

Eventually, they were in the upper level of Koopa Bros Fortress. Surprisingly, Goombario had caught up and had recovered.

Goombario then pointed out something with his nonexistent hands. "Hey. Look! There's a staircase being held in the air by those chains. I'm pretty sure that switch over there activates it."

"You-a mean I-a could've thrown-a you, hit-a the switch, and sent-a the staircase-a down, thus skipping most-a of this-a Fortress ALL THIS TIME!?"

"Apparently so."

"DAMNIT!!" Mario then punched a Paratroopa out of the way, who's bodyweight smashed a locked door.

"Hey! We can go to the next room now!"

And so, the heroes headed up the fortress, eventually reaching the 2nd floor of the room with the huge pit.

"Hey, look! There's the giant hole!" Goombario exclaimed.

"Yeah, it's a really nice hole…" Kooper obliviously commented, his attention obviously focused on Bombette.

"Fuck you, Kooper."

"Oh how I would love it if we could do that." Came his besotted retort. In response, Bombette body slammed him, knocked him over, & then blew up on his exposed underside.

Eventually, they came to another switch.

"Hitting-a it is probably going to-a disappoint me, but I'm-a going to do it anyway-a." Mario then whacked the switch with his hammer. This caused a large staircase to start rising out of the pool. The Koopas inside then panicked.

"GAHHH!! Stairs rising!! Want pool!! WANT POOL!! WAAAAH!!"

"Hey, there's the guy who gave me a swirley! GET HIM!!"

"Oh-a no!" Mario then threw Bombette and Kooper at the chains holding up the newly risen staircase. This only broke 2. Until, Mario threw Bombette again. The stairs then fell down to the pool once again, except they smashed to pieces, and the Koopas that had been on the staircase were probably dead now.

"NOOO!! Want to live!! No want stairs to fa-AUUGHH!!" A crash was heard, and the pool was red.

"Pool's-a closed!!" Mario yelled at the corpses.

"Well, now we don't have a way to get across. Thanks a lot, Mario." Goombario snidely remarked.

"No-a problem."

"I was being sarcastic."

Kooper than spoke "Hey, I have an idea! Why don't we just swing across on the chains?"

"Sorry. I don't want to get smashed into the wall like the Yellow Ninjakoopa."

"Yeah, and I don't think I care about killing the Koopa Bros anymore." Bombette added.

"Too-a bad! I like-a Kooper's idea, and we're going!!" Mario then grabbed a chain, swung it, and a yell was heard.

"I HATE YOU, YOU FAT, PLUMBER BASTARD!!" This scream came from Bombette, who had been sent across. However, she blew up upon hitting a wall shortly after yelling this statement. Much to Kooper's & Mario's dismay and Goombario's delight, the landing area had been broken, meaning swinging was too dangerous.

Another scream was soon heard as someone went flying across the gap.

"AAAAAAAAAAAA!!" This time it came from Goombario, who immiedieately grabbed the fence on the pathway with his teeth to stop himself from swinging backwards.

"Moron." Mario said, looking at Goombario. Soon enough however, the pull of the chain's swing sent Goombario flying backwards. _With the fence still gripped in his mouth._

"Damnit, Goombario." Kooper muttered under his breath. Then he and Mario were smashed into the wall by Goombario and the fence. However, Mario just gave the fence a push back, as if it were a swing.

"IYAAAA!! DAMN YOU, MARIO!!" Goombario could be heard screaming.

Kooper grabbed onto the fence, and they both went flying to the other side, and the fence smashed into the wall, and they smashed into it.

Mario then grabbed a chain and swung across. The chain didn't make it, and quickly, Goombario, Kooper and Bombette ran to the edge grabbed him, & pulled him up.

"Good, Mario. Surprisingly, we all made it across. Still, I don't want to have to repeat that. You're heavy." Goombario said, finally relaxing. But by the time he had finished his sentence, Mario was swinging BACK over the pit.

All 3 then exclaimed, "FUCK!!" Out of exasperation. But as soon as Mario was back across, he used a wall kick to get up to the door.

Goombario, Kooper, & Bombette, then gasped and spoke(In order of listing.), "You stupid showoff." "Why didn't you just do that to begin with?!" "You could've swung us across!! Asshole!!" Mario just shrugged in response to all of this.

The heroes then headed out the door, onto the roof of the fortress.

"Finally, some fresh air. It's been so long since I've been able to experience this ever since I got put in that prison cell." Bombette cheerfully stated.

"Meh, it's nothing new." Kooper commented.

"I want to leave. I'm terrified of heights, and I can see Pleasant Path from up here."

"Relax-a guys. It'll all be-a over. Very-a soon." They then walked down the stairs, but then the camera panned to the right at a speed that rivaled Superman to show The Koopa Bros coming out of a room at the other end of the room.

"Hahah!! You think we'd let you off that easily, Mario?"

"YES!!" Mario screamed in response from across.

"Psshaw!! Like we'd ever let that happen, Bowser would chop our dicks off if we let that happen??"

Then the Green Ninjakoopa spoke up "Actually, he said he'd confiscate our bling, hoes & skateboards."

"WHAT, MAN!? That's even worse!! Man your battle stations, yeah "open fire"!!"

The Green, Yellow, & Black Ninjakoopas then began doing what appeared to be humping to the B. Bill Blasters. Which strangely enough, actually seemed to make them fire!!

"Yeah, homo power!!" "Yellow" declared.

"Okay. I think we're fucked. Figuratively and literally, with literally not applying to Bombette." Goombario commented.

"Hey!!"

"What? They're obviously gay."

"Oh, okay. I wish it wasn't so, but still, Goombario makes a good point; none of us can do shit right now. " Bombette remarked.

"Yeah, I, Kooper, D. Unknownlastname, cannot move another step."

"Then-a let me guys move you-a for you!!" Mario said.

"HUH??" They all declared in unison.

Mario then grabbed all 3, & threw them into the Bullet Bill Blasters' holes. As a result, the Bullet Bill Blasters became clogged, and as soon as they fired their next round, they blew themselves up with their own backfire. They also blew up Bombette, resulting in Goombario, Kooper, Bombette & The Koopa Bros, being severely hurt.

"Mario… WE FUCKING HATE YOU!!" Kooper screamed from the other side of the room.

"Okey-dokey!" As Mario said this he ran across the roof with incredible speed, grabbing his "allies" and leaping smack into the door. Injuring the four of them further.

"You...RETARD!!" Bombette said lighting her fuse, and thusly, scaring the others.

Subsequently, she exploded, thus blowing up the door and sending it across the room, thus revealing the Koopa Bros, tinkering with what appeared to be shoddily made robot parts.

"Oh shite, dawgs, we've been spotted!! Quick go off screen so the player can't see us and make assumptions as to what we're doing!!" The Koopa Bros then started to do what appeared to be whacking the pieces and each other with their respective pieces. (No not like that, you sick-minded perverts!(But they as well be doing that.(Shut up!)))

"Um, what the hell are they doing?" Goombario questioned.

"How should I know?! You're the smart one." Kooper retorted. At this statement, a retard-like "Durr." could be heard being uttered by Mario.

"No, no Green, that's all wrong!!" Red called out. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING YELLOW!? THAT DOESN'T LOOK COOL AT ALL!!" Red Ninjakoopa yelled at Yellow & Black upon seeing them kiss. The heroes just vomited.

"What? It's what we always do." Yellow stated, lips for once away from those of another man.

"Good point." Red said.

"Hey guys, I'm working my ass off ALONE here!" Green called out.

"Shite, I still want to get some of that." Red yelled in shock, he then began working at high speeds, and being that he was the leader, Yellow & Black followed his example.

15 minutes later…

"Are-a you finally-a ready? I'm-a ready to fall asleep-a here."

"YES, I, BOWSER, AM READY TO FIGHT!!"

"You're not fooling anyone." Bombette bluntly stated.

"YES I AM." "Bowser" then pointed at Goombario & Kooper.

"OMFG, IT'S BOWSER THE KOOPA KINGZORZ!!111"

"He's the Koopa King!? Your majesty." Kooper then bowed to "Bowser", since Kooper himself is a Koopa.

"Idiot, he's evil and FAKE." Goombario stated in a sudden reverting to normality.

"Bowser's NOT REAL!?" Kooper asked in shock.

"NO. I mean this is not the REAL BOWSER, retard."

"Oh, well in that case. LET'S KICK THIS IMPERSONATOR'S ASS!!" Everyone else just sweatdropped, but regardless began attacking the fake Bowser. Goombario headbonked away uselessly at the fake, while Mario, Kooper, & Bombette beat the crap out of it.

As soon as the crappily made fake exploded Red declared "Oh no! That costume was perfect! Bowser loved it! He even tried to have sex with it…" "Bowser" then exploded and it's pieces fell into the dungeon below, strangely enough, one of the pieces was a portrait of Princess Peach.

The Koopa Bros, then fell unto one another in a stack, Red then pulled a radio out of his shell, and had Green turn it on so it could begin playing it's music.

It's fun to stay at the Y M C A!!

"WRONG MUSIC, GREEN!!"

"Sorry boss." Green then flipped the disk over and The Koopa Bros theme music began playing.

It was just now, that Yellow noticed their tower's awkward mistake. "Uh, guys? Are we doing the Tower of Homosexuality?"

Red responded to this "No, dumbass! Why would we be doing that now?"

"Because it certainly FEELS like it." Red then looked down. "GODDAMNIT!! KOOPA BROS TOWER, NOT THE TOWER OF HOMOSEXUALITY!! Geez, dudes…"

"Awww, I liked it when they were like that." Bombette stated. "Let's kill them now!!"

"OH NO YOU DON'T, BEYOTCH!!" Black could be heard declaring.

The Koopa Bros then shined their rings in rapid succession. "AUGH, I'M BLIND!!"

"The Koopa Bros Super Duper Special Mega Ultra Special Spinning ATTACK!!" The Koopa Bros then launched themselves…Straight into the back wall.

"Yeah-a. You really shouldn't have-a tried to aim when-a spinning at high-a speeds." Mario then beat the crap out of them, & took Eldstar's Baseball Card.

"HOLY SHIT A GIANT BASEBALL CARD!! AND IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A BASEBALL PLAYER ON IT FOR THAT MATTER!!" The males of the group yelled in surprise. There was then a flashy light show and the words:

"END OF CHAPTER"

Appeared in multicoloured letters.

"WHAT-A END OF CHAPTER-A!? I-a was just-a getting-a to the part where I kick their asses even-a more!"

"This was too easy." Kooper groaned.

And now to shift to Princess Peach…

Peach was in her room, worrying as usual. "Sniff…If only there was something I could do."

"Yeah. You're completely useless in this game."

"Wait! I remembered a secret passage in the castle the minister told me about!"

"Cool, so we can get out?"

"No, just wander around a limited area of the castle."

"Well, that sucks."

"I guess." Princess Peach then pulled down a valuable painting and threw it away, thus revealing a large red button that should have an obvious presence being only concealed by a painting. Nevertheless, Princess Peach pressed it & the wall rotated, leading to her a hallway, & came to another wall, pressed another red switch & came into a room.

"So, where are we?"

"I don't know."

"You're the princess of this castle! You should know!!" Twink exclaimed.

"Well I don't. Hey look a diary! I wonder whose it is." She said pointing to a large arrow sign with neon lightbulbs, and large letters saying "Bowser's Diary".

"Let's read it Princess Peach. After all this is a kids game, and teaching kids to read other people's diaries SURELY won't make them get their asses kicked."

"Day: Month: 3

Dear diary, today was awesome. I, **BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING, **went to Star Haven and partially fulfilled my role as villain of this game. I STOLE THE STAR ROD!! Oh, and my loyal Magikoopa servant, Kammy Koopa helped a little too. Then I turned them all The Star Spirits into trading cards. I even got to kick my archrival, Mario's, ass!! FUCK YEAH!! Not to mention I managed to capture Princess Peach. Oh yeah, I'm invincible now."

"Gee, I wonder who's diary this is. Do you think we should read more?" "Of course, you dumb bitch!" "Okay then, let's do just that!"

"Day: O Month: 3

Hey again, diary. How are you doing? Deviantart was great today, my submission got so many comments and faves!! :D Anyway, dinner was bland tonight. I, **BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING**(Damn, I love doing that.) killed my slave Koopa cook with my fire breath for that. Then we all ate him. He tasted yummerlyz. "I. HAVE NO. IDEA WHO'S. DIARY THIS IS. I think we should read more to find out." "Okay."

"Day: X Month: 3

_So, Diary, I, __**BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING**__, imprisoned all The Star Spirits in different locations. Although that GODDAMN MARIO STILL MANAGED TO RESCUE HIM!! "OHHH, I'M MARIO & I'M SO GOODY-GOODY, BLAH BLAH, HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY, GOOD & HELPFUL." Ugh, Mario makes me sick. Also, I don't think I should EVER do that again. Anyway, I just hope he doesn't find the Star Spirit, I, __**BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING**__, imprisoned in __**DRY DRY RUINS IN DRY DRY DESERT**__. Because I, __**BOWSER, THE KOOPA KING, **__definitely cannot afford to let Mario get the Star Spirit I put in __**DRY DRY RUINS IN DRY DRY DESERT**__!! Anyway, I'm sleepy now. Later diary, sincerely, I, BOWSER__** THE KOOPA KING!!**_

"_OMG, this is Bowser's diary!!" The two declared in unison!! Suddenly Bowser burst in!!_

"_OMFGOMFGOMFG, WHERE'S MAH DIARRRY, AHHHH!!"_

"_Your diarrhea?"_

"_Liek, no. MAI DIARY!!11 WAITAMINUTE!! U'VE BEEN IN MAI ROOM, UVE BEEN READIN' MAH DIARY!!"_

"_Uhhh, no we haven't!!"_

"_OMG, YES U HAZ!! GUARDS GET DEM!!" Bowser declared._

"_Yes, your girliness!!" "NOOO!! Put me down!! TWINK, DELIVER THAT INFO TO MARIO!!" "I LIEK, DON'T KNOW WHAT INFO THIS "TWINK" CAN GIV 2 MARIO, BUT IT CAN ONLY BE GOODZ!! ___

"_Peach, you moron." Twink said, flying out of the room, somehow completely unnoticed by Bowser._

_Back to Mario & co._

"Finally, I-a think my-a legs have-a been getting-a cramps."

Kooper added in "Me too."

"We wish we had legs. Then we could have leg cramps too."

"No you don't. Friggin' cramps."

Eldstar then interrupted the discussion of leg cramps "Anyway, I'm Eldstar, now Mario. Here's a Star Power, & a tutorial."

"Aw-a, Damnit!"

1 boring tutorial later…

"Okay, okay, I get it, now let's go."

"Wait, you must remember to rescue all 7 Star Spirits so you can counter the power of the Star Rod with the Star Beam!"

"The Star's Rod?" Kooper asked.

"No-a, the Star Rod. We-a have to use-a the Star Beam against-a it."

"The Star's Rod's beam?" Came Bombette's inquiry.

Angry the Star Spirit yelled at the 4 so-called "heroes" "NO!! THE STAR ROD, YOU IDIOTS!! Now then, I have to get back to Star Haven."

"Finally, I'll-a never have to deal with-a that old fart-a again."

"You're telling me, that tutorial was more boring than Top Gun."

And so, our heroes set off, going through Not-So-Pleasant Path and beating everything that came. Until, they were ambushed by someone from behind a bush…

"**MARIO!! I FOUND YOU!!"**

"Goddamnit. I know-a only one person who-a speaks in bold caps."

"YEAH!! THAT'S RIGHT!! IT'S ME MOTHERFUCKERS!! YOU REMEMBER WHO I AM, DON'T YOU!?"

"Hey, you're that douchebag from my neighborhood who would always beat me up." Chimed in the only Goomba in the group.

"Who the hell are you?" Was what Kooper and Bombette had to say, however, since they had never met him.

"I-a know, you're someone, but who-a…I-a don't remember you."

"GODINGMOTHERING!! BITCH!!" Was part of what he could be heard swearing, as if he had tourettes.

"**DWAAAAAHHH!!" **Jr. Troopa got in his shell, and ran…Straight into the lake, then he climbed back up.

"Was-a that-a supposed to be-a a battle-a cry or a scream of terror as you-a fell into the lake?"

"Maybe he was trying to commit suicide and yelled while doing that."

"Or he was trying to show off some sort of special technique."

"LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I WAS DOING, SO SHUT UP!!"

"Ohhh."

"**NOW DIE, MARIO!!"** Mario grabbed Jr. Troopa & threw him in the lake, Jr. Troopa climbed back up, Mario kicked him back down, he climbed up Mario knocked him down. Soon Jr. Troopa climbed back up, one last time.

"OKAY. I GIVE UP. BUT I'LL BE BACK!"

"Oh no-a you won't." Mario then threw him into the background, and soon the heroes headed into Toad Town, only for Mario to get slammed in the head by a Star Kid.

"MARIO, MARIO!! It's me, Twink, I have urgent news! Listen to this…" Mario soon went into a daze, and let Twink's voice trail off. Soon, Mario was thinking to himself, with the sound of Twink saying something like "Blah blah blah Princess Peach blah blah blah Star Spirit blah blah blah…"

"_Who-a the hell is this kid? &-a why is he here? He's saying something about Princess Peach… I think. I wonder what Luigi is up to."_

Twink then finished "See, so that's why you need to go there. Got it, Mario?"

"Okey-dokey, Link."

"Okay, see ya!"

They then began wandering south of Toad Town, since locals said it was clear now.

"Hey, there's the house of the infamous cook, Tayce T."

Kooper delivered a swift resonse to that. "Who gives a shit, Goombario?"

"I do, Kooper."

"Well, point-a is, I-a feel we should head-a south."

Kooper then took notice of something in the distance. "Hey, look! A train!"

Soon, they were over there at the train.

Goombario spoke. "Guys, apparently, the train can't move because there's a rock on the track."

"What kind of crew do they use to clean up this track, anyway? They can't even get rid of a ROCK!? I'd just blow it up."

Kooper facefaulted "Bombette, Toads don't have the ability to explode. Although, you do have a point. Can't they just move it or something??"

"Bob-omb-a chuck!!" Mario threw Bombette at the rock, thus blowing it to pieces. "I-a want to go-a on the train!"

"Alright! Thank you, Mario! This train is set for Mt. Rugged, would you like to come on board?"

"YIPEE!" Mario then threw the other 3 on board, and got on board himself. It was quite crowded since this train had no passenger cars.

And so, soon they were riding on a train to Mt. Rugged, and the train ride was glorious in all it's repetitive scenery. When they arrived a title screen appeared saying:

**CHAPTER 2: The Idiocy of Dry Dry Ruins.**

See you next time guys! Anyway, I deleted the first chapter of this story, since obviously it's worthless, and I should stick to canon chapters. Reviews would be appreciated.


	3. Mountains, Mysteries, and Morons

Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door

**Disclaimer for the story, this chapter, previous chapters, and future chapters: I do not own Nintendo, nor any of it's franchises, property, characters, ideas, resources, etc. Any content in this story is copyrighted to it's rightful owner(s). This story is a parody, and is protected by Fair Use.**

**Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door**

Currency available for purchase.

_Chapter 2: The Idiocy of Dry Dry Ruins._

After a long train drive, our heroes, had arrived at Mt. Rugged.

"We're-a here!"

"So, what are we doing?" Goombario asked, the first to speak.

Kooper spoke right after "First, you're going to shut up."

Then Bombette finished "& then we're going up the mountain."

And very quickly they headed up, only for Mario to get knocked back by some idiot, and land on Bombette, whom exploded out of pain, injuring all 5 of them.

"Hey, watch-a where you're-a going! Wait-a-minute, aren't you that mailman who-a always pisses my-a brother off?"

"Y-yes. Is there something I c-c-c-can help you w-with?"

"YOU'RE-A AWESOME!!"

"Oh, why thank you. It's a shame more people can't think that, I lost all my letters on this mountain."

Goombario could be heard muttering the following under his breath. "(Dumbass.)"

"Yeah, I've been looking for my letters for AGES. Maybe you could help me look for them? If you do, I would be eternally grateful & help you with whatever you need."

Unfortunately, Mario had other ideas, and soon, the Paratroopa was being dragged along the ground. "Screw-a that, you're-a coming with us, it'll be easier to find your-a letters with your-a help-a anyway."

"He's actually right, you know." Kooper commented, obviously supporting Mario's decision.

"But…but…Oh, what's the use?"

Goombario then spoke "So, what's your name, and what can you do?"

"I'm a mail Paratroopa named Parakarry, I deliver mail and I can carry heavy things through the air, not indefinitely, but- His statement was cut short by Bombette. "That's great, now do you remember where any of your letters were dropped?"

"Nope, I don't know-BOOM!! His dialogue was once again interrupted by Bombette, and unfortunately, he had to suffer from the very explosion that interrupted him.

The reason for said explosion on Bombette's part was one of the many local causes for spontaneous self-destruction. "OW!! GODDAMNIT!! OKAY, WHO THE FUCK THREW THAT ROCK AT ME!!"

As if in mocking response, a Monty Mole, came out of it's hole, stuck out it's head, stuck out it's toungue whilst putting it's fingers in it's ears, then went back into the ground.

"Oh, that it is it… YOU ARE DEAD, YOU LITTLE ROCK-CHUCKING COWARD!!" Bombette, then spotted the hole, that it had been using.

"MARIO, JAM ME IN THE HOLE!!"

Mario misinterpreted this, & started to unbutton his trousers causing everyone to scream at him in objection.

"OBJECTION! We don't want to see that!!" Was the cry heard coming in unison.

"Oh-a. Sorry." Mario then redid his trousers, shoved Bombette in the Monty Mole's burrow, grabbed everyone, & ran away as a massive explosion annihilated the area, Monty Moles & all, leaving a rather wide crater.

"So, are we going to have chaotic, near-death, illogical experiences like this on a regular basis?" Parakarry, the new member, questioned.

Goombario answered this "Yep. If you were hoping to have a happy life, it's all over now."

"Mother."

Several dead Monty Moles & Paratroopa tears later…

"Are you done yet?" Goombario said, breaking Parakarry out of his pity-party.

"Yes, I am. Now then, 1 of my letters should be that way."

Kooper then verbally exploded at Parakarry, "IF IT'S THAT WAY, WHY WERE YOU LOOKING ALL THE WAY OVER THERE, YOU RETARD!?"

"Shut-a up, Kooper. The-a point is to get-a the letters."

"Why would we want other people's letters?"

"BECAUSE-A, Goombario, what if they have money or-a prizes in them? Or interesting info or…_poooorn_.Drools

"Typical male behaviour." Bombette muttered under her breath in disgust.

"Bombette, quiet, you're a girl with 4 guys."

"Yo, Goombario, embrace your maleness. No reason to object to liking porn!! What are you, gay?!"

"I'm not gay, now STFU."

"Homo in deni-OOF!" Before Kooper could finish his accusation, Goombario, had headbonked him, causing Kooper to be flipped over onto his backside. Also, Mario had finished drooling.

"Stop-a arguing about porn, guys. Now then…" Mario then picked up Goombario, and Kooper, getting objections from them both, and threw them up to the ledge.

"Parakarry, get-a off your-a ass & fly up there."

"Yes, sir." Parakarry then followed the orders, only for extreme pain to reach him, Kooper & Goombario, as Mario threw Bombette up to where they were, the impact causing her to explode. Moans and groans were heard(One of which was not of pain.) from everyone but Mario.

"Guys, let's ditch Mario." Goombario whispered.

"Good idea." Kooper whispered back.

It was just then they noticed an angry face looming over & speaking to them **"WHAT'S-A THAT ABOUT-A DITCHING ME??" **

"Nothing, nothi-" Parakarry, was promptly knocked out of the way by Goombario.

"Yeah, what he said. Nothing at all, Mario. After all, 1'M uR bIIGGEst fn!!11"

"Okay-a, but I'd better not catch-a you suspiciously plotting to-a ditch me again." Mario cracked his knuckles for emphasis.

"Okay, okay." Kooper responded, after shoving Goombario and out of vengeance, repeatedly jumping on his face.

Several minutes later, everyone but Mario was discussing what to do, while Mario was out hunting for the letter.

"WHEEEEEEE-HEEHEEHEE!!"

Although, mostly, he was just riding the giant slides. And for that matter, often just falling off the end of the slide instead of being launched off or actually GETTING launched off, but hitting walls.

"I'M-A HAVING-A THE TIME-A OF-A MY-A LIFE-A!!"

Bombette muttered under her breath. "His quickly-getting-shorter life." Although, the others still heard her.

Kooper was the first to state his opinion, "How about we stop that, then?"

"Stop what?" Parakarry asked, obviously confused.

"Stop him from shortening his life of course."

Bombette spoke again, "So, what we're going to pay his medical bills for him?" This was responded to with a slap to the face, DIScourtesy of Kooper.

"No! We're going to kill him!!" Just then a Cleft fell, seemingly from the sky, & took notice of them.

"Grack. Why you not killing Mario?"

"Uhhh…We're medical personnel! Yeah, that's it! See, this lady here is on maternity leave!"

Hearing this, since she couldn't object without giving them away, Bombette gave a groan of exasperation.

The Cleft, being the dummy he is, misinterpreted this action, "Huh? Grack!! I THINK SHE HAVING BABY!"

Parakarry hadn't caught on yet, so he thought this was real "WHAT?! Why didn't anybody tell me about this!?"

"Oh god, guys!! KOOPER!! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US ABOUT THIS!? C'mon, baby, PUSH!!" Goombario, obviously not thinking straight, thought that since Parakarry was acting like it was true, it probably was.

"What?! But I never knew that she was pregnant, myself!! BOMBETTE!? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US BEFORE!?"

"ARRRGGGHHH!!" Bombette could be heard screaming out of rage, which the others misunderstood to be a sound of her going into labor.

Unfortunately, none of the others understood this fact. Goombario would've realized this fact, but strangely, he had gotten far too into his role. "Don't worry, madam! It'll be okay! NOW PUSH!!"

"That's right, PUSH!! Now…who did you have sex with?"

"I DIDN'T have sex, and I'm NOT pregnant!!"

"That's what they all think, madam. PUSH!!" "GAHHH!!" Bombette screamed, and exploded, severely damaging everyone. Kooper, still in character, like Goombario was, than scooped something up from the ground.

"It's a…" Tension rose among everyone except Bombette, who merely rolled her eyes.

"PILE…of…ashes??"

"I TOLD YOU DUMB FUCKS I WASN'T PREGNANT!!"

Kooper just stared as he returned to his normal self, then spoke. "Oh, riggght. I forgot, we're not medical personnel! Hahaha."

"We're not!?" Parakarry, did a double take, since he had thought this was real all along.

"Okay, that's one birth taken care of, now then-"WHAP

"Goombario, Bombette wasn't pregnant, & we're not medical personnel."

"Oh."

"Grack! You jerks lie to Cleftone. Cleftone mad."

Goombario cocked an eyebrow, "_Cleftone_? That's a dumb name."

Grack! Cleftone even madder now!! Cleftone's buddies!" Suddenly, 3 other Clefts fell down and began speaking.

"Grack! What my name, Clefthree?"

"You, Cleftwo!"

"Then I is Cleftfour!"

Kooper was now just as confused as Goombario. "Wait, why are you asking _EACHOTHER_ for your own names? And how can they remember your names if they can't even remember their own?"

"They no remember ANY names. They too dumb."

"And most of time, we kill before we learn person name."

"Then how do you know eachother's names?" Kooper was still confused.

The 4 Clefts turned around to reveal numbers 1 through 4, large & coloured, 1 number on each back.

Bombette "That's great, but..."

"Heh, she say "but."

"But…THEY'RE ALL NUMBERED INCORRECTLY!!

"Grack! What?"

"You, you said you're Cleftone, right?"

"Yes."

"Your number is 4."

"Clefthree, you have 2."

"Cleftwo, you have 1."

Cleftfour, you have 3."

"Grack! Everwhat. We not here to discuss bad number skill. We here to kill you."

Goombario spoke. "No, we're here to kill YOU!!" Parakarry was once again confused. "We are? But I thought we were medical personnel." Kooper just slapped his forehead. Then he slapped Parakarry's forehead.

The four numbered Clefts attacked, and time seemed to slow down, in this slow down, Mario could be seen in the background, hitting yet ANOTHER wall.

"Headbonk!"

"FALCON KICK!!" "Shell Shot! And Parakarry, you're not Captain Falcon." Kooper pointed out.

Bombette could be seen Body Slamming a Cleft, however, soon all 4 were hurt badly, Goombario and Parakarry had hurt themselves hitting the spikes on the Clefts, and Kooper and Bombette were too weak to hurt them on their own.

"Okay, I…say we run." Goombario wheezed.

The others stated their agreement, and the four of them began running, quickly getting away from the slower clefts.

"Ha, they'll never catch us now!"

Then, Monty Moles popped out of the ground.

"It's those motherfucking Monty Moles again!!" Bombette's face turned to a mask of rage.

Then the Monty Moles began running at high speeds, picking up the Clefts, and throwing them. Kooper was the first to notice.

"OH GOD!! Parakarry!! Shield us!! You have a shell" Kooper picked up Parakarry and held him like a shield while running.

"WHAT?! But, so do you!! And shouldn't newbies get special treatment!?"

"Of course they should! You're special Parakarry, and I have a SPECIAL job for you!! You can be my shield!!" Kooper then began using Parakarry to absorb the blows from the rocks... Regardless of whether they would've hit him or not.

"YIPEE!! I GET TO BE A SPECIAL SHIE-YEEEOWCH!!" Parakarry was once again cut off, as he was hit by a Cleft that had been thrown at Kooper. This was repeated several times, until he, Kooper, Goombario, & Bombette found Mario.

Goombario promptly screamed at Mario, hoping not to get hit by a cleft. "MARIO!! DID YOU FIND IT!?"

Mario was perfectly calm, but still running. "You-a mean this?" Mario pulled up a Star Piece, seemingly out of nowhere.

"No!" Mario then chucked the Star Piece away.

"Hey, we are medical personnel, right?" Parakarry asked.

Bombette stared at him, while running. "Uhh. No. Why the hell would you think that, Parakarry?"

"Because, we should be. Kooper has a Star Piece impaled in his head."

"AUGGGHHH!!" "Oh god, Kooper!!"

Goombario looked behind them, and saw the enemies still after them, so he turned around to speak. "We're still being followed, Parakarry, Kooper you head to that cliff over there, Mario, & me will head to the left, and Bombette will fight all these enemies on her own!!"

"WHAT!? I can't do that!?" "Just listen to me, I'm the smart one!"

And so, they followed Goombario's advice, and headed the respective ways. Only for Clefts & Monty Moles to fly through the air and hit everyone but Bombette.

"Lord's-a name in-a vain! Will this-a ever sto-…Ooh, another-a letter-a. Now-a I have-a all 3!"

"Great, then let's rush in the opposite direction, and get to Parakarry!"

And so, the hero and his fanboy ran in the opposite direction, unfortunately, the opposite direction was right off the cliff's edge.

"Damn-a it, Goombario!" "Hey, at least we got away from them. Now can someone tell me why that flower is moving of it's own accord."

"Actually-a, we-a didn't." Mario pointed to area at the bottom of the ledge keeping the clefts from them. All the clefts were swarming at the bottom, speaking gibberish, unable to get up there, since the Monty Moles weren't stupid enough to follow them.

"Gibber, gibber, GIBBERISH!!"

"Whatever." Mario just yanked the flower out of the ground, revealing as Goombario explained shortly after, was a Bub-Ulb.

"Finally, I've been waiting for someone to talk to. And to give my seed to."

"If it's the definition I'm thinking of, I don't want your seed."

"Oh ho ho, ho! I didn't mean it like that! Here have this Bub-Ulb seed."

"Okay, but for one I'm not a girl, or a ho for that matter. Now go talk to those clefts you perverted idiot."

"Right away!"

Soon, all the Clefts & the Bub-Ulb were distracted, so Mario and Goombario ran up the cliff to find him, and they did.

"Thank god you're here! Kooper has been hitting on me all day!!"

"Heyyyyy, honey."

"Parakarry-a, get us across the-a bridge."

"But I'm tired. I've been getting pummeled all day."

Goombario looked back, and saw the regrouped group of groupie Clefts & Monty Moles. "1. We've got Cleft-throwing Monty Moles on our asses. 2. Get used to it. 3. You agreed to join us, so pull your own weight. And ours too."

"I never agreed to join you guys!"

"JUST DO IT!!" Parakarry, hastily dragged them across the gap, watching as their pursuers fell to the ground…And jumped on a spring to make it across. He could only shed tears, mostly of pain, since Mario was now dragging him across the bridge.

"Come-a on, you lazy-a wimp!! Also-a I got your-a letters."

"Yay! Ow! My letters! Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Kooper looked up. "Bombette, my love! Look at the enormous vulture-thing in the sky!! Obviously it is praising our love, saying that we should get _married!!333"_

"Fuck you, Kooper."

And then, Parakarry, but no one else was crushed under the enormous weight of the vulture-thing. The impact sending the enemies off the bridge into an abyss.

Said vulture-thing came down and spoke. "So, whut wazzat about me being a vulshure-thing?"

Bombette searched frantically for an excuse coming up with "Uhhh…We said "culturing". You know, as in "Look at that stupid culturing.""

"Lookee here, I have good hearing and know what I heard. You said vulture-thing. And even if yoose DID say "culturing", I would STILL be mad, I'm very proud of my gardening."

Goombario spoke. "Two questions. Do you, this vulture-thing, have a name? And are you a male or a female. You look & speak like a male, but you were hatching eggs."

"Yeah-a that's confusing-a me too, vulture-thing. Are you a guy-a or-a girl?"

"My name's Buzzar, SO STAHP SAYIN VULTURE-TING!! Oh, and I'mah hermaphrohdit."

"Hey wait a derned minute. Aint yoose that plumber-guy, Mario? Or maybe you're his harmless brah, Weegee, or are you the Princess? Cuz I'm suppozed to killz Mario."

Bombette facefaulted and yelled. "Of course he's-"

"Bombette, my love…Shut up. Yeah, he's Luigi. Goombario, how do we stop this guy from killing us?"

"Distract him while we run. Mario, prepare to run."

"O-a 'Kay."

Kooper then turned to Buzzar. "Hey, Buzzar!"

"Hm?"

"Vulture-thing, vulture-thing, vulture-thing!"

"Why...YOUZE!!"

"Everyone, run!!"

"Hey, wait-a-minute, if yur all runnin, that means he's not Luigi!!"

"Crap!!"

Goombario turned around and yelled "Well of course not, if he's not Luigi, then obviously they're Princess Peach!!"

"Oh thank god."

"YUH THINKS AHM SOME SORTA RETAHRD!? Dat dere is obviously a man, and besides, Peach is up in Bowser's Castle!! Wait, then that means…YOU'RE MARIO!!"

Kooper screamed while everyone except him & Parakarry ran. "SHIT!! Parakarry, quick do something useful!!"

"Uggghh."

However, Buzzar just flew for Bombette. "WOOHOO, AH LUV LIL BOB-OMBS!!"

Bombette just exploded, nearly killing Buzzar.

"Uhh…SCREW DIS!! I'm goin' back to mah nest."

And so, the vulture-thing was sort of defeated, and the party didn't care.

"Hey-a, we're at-a the bottom of the mountain!!"

Bombette turned to Mario with a shocked & appaled expression & yelled. "We nearly died on this mountain, and that's all you have to say!?"

"Yep. Hey look, a healing block & a save block!" Mario hit it and restored the party to full health.

"ALRIGHT, I FEEL LIKE I COULD TAKE ON BOWSER RIGHT NOW!!" Goombario headbonked Kooper, knocking him over.

"Goombario, drag-a Kooper until he-a gets up."

"But, it'll take forever if…-"OMG, KOLORADO!!" As if it wasn't obvious, Goombario was knocked onto his back by a screaming, excited Kooper who had just spotted his hero.

"KOLORADO!! I think you're awesome, and great, and awesome."

"Yes, yes, stop complementing me old bean, so I can turn this lamp into an explosive."

Parakarry, while flying around spotted something. "Hey, one of my letters is in this tree! Yoink! And it's for Kolorado!!"

"Give me that!!" "Rotten lentil, I would like my letter!!" A fight ensued between admirer and admired over who could have _Kolorado's _letter. Then Kooper had a realization.

"WHAT AM I DOING!? I'm fighting over my hero's letter! Please, Kolorado, have it."

"My word! It's from my wife!!" The letter was subsequently burned. Well, that takes care of THAT problem.

"I think we should get away from this guy, he seems crazy."

"Yeah-a, and-a we need-a to get-a the plot moving."

And so, following Bombette's advice, the group headed through the desert at an incredible speed. Mainly because a Bandit had stolen what little money they had, and everyone wanted it back.

"Hey-a look, a stone cactus!"

"Why even bother mentioning that!? Need I remind you that we're trying to catch that Bandit!?" In response, Mario yanked out the stone cactus and threw it at the Bandit.

Unfortunately, a whirlwind caught all of them, and thusly…

"DAMMNIT, MARIO!! WHAM! Ow! WHAM!"

"Thanks a lot, jerk-face WHAM! ow! Not only did I lose the money, WHAM! ow! I stole from you, WHAM! but now we're getting whacked around WHAM! by a stone cactus in a WHIRLWIND THAT'S GOING WHAM! who knows where!!"

"WHY-A YOU LITTLE, INSULTING-A WHAM! MONEY-A-STEALING…" Mario then did his Homer Simpson impression on the Bandit, before they all landed in water. The Bandit drowned.

Kooper just looked at the Bandit's corpse while drinking some water. "He deserved it. Right, Goombario?"

"Why are we at an oasis?"

"Goombario-a, you're hallucinating." Mario said while collecting lemons & limes.

"Oh, that must explain why I see a gray cactus with wings at it's bottom. Has anyone seen Parakarry?" Mario just shoved a lime in his mouth.

Bombette spoke while drinking water. "Come on. Let's go."

Mario picked up the stone cactus, revealing what was under it. "Hey-a, Parakarry my-a buddy!" A bear hug ensued, while Parakarry struggled to point to a block with a glowing blueish-white thing. Kooper was the first to take notice.

"I'm gonna hit it because it's blue like my shell!!" The glowing stuff then separated and aimed for Kooper. "Oh god, HELP!!" Within 1 second of noone caring, he was hit by it, and a strange feeling came over him.

"OHHH YEAH!! Duff Kooper is ready to rock the house!! Thanks to that magic-induced orgasm-thingy, I feel like I could take on THE WORLD!!" Once again, Kooper was knocked onto his shell by Goombario.

"You're not Duff Kooper. You're just plain, old _Kooper."_

Bombette stared. _(I have GOT to hit one of those blocks.)_

Mario then sent everyone flying, by using the stone cactus as a baseball bat of sorts. "WOOHOO, HOME-A RUN!! OOF!"

Everyone was greeted by what looked like a mouse in a turban.

"Welcome to our home of Dry Dry Outposts, outsiders. You are very nice rich people, are you not?"

"Are we in hell?"

"No. Hell is much cooler than the place that is Dry Dry Outpost, which you are at."

A large groan was heard from the group.

"Please, go to Moustafa, he will help you with whatever silly westerner task you have. And then he will rape your village's women." Everyone stared wide-eyed, with Bombette being the widest of all.

"Just kidding."

"Anyway, whoever the hell this Moustafa is, we should go see him."

"Why should we listen to you, Goombario?"

"Because, I'm the smart one." Then Goombario did the dragging for once, with his invisible hands. Yeah, that's right. Invisible hands."

As they were dragged through the town, the shop door opened and the shopkeeper ran outside at high speed, knife raised. "Ulelelelelele!!" No one took any notice, Mario's group because they didn't care, and the Nomadimice because it was common practice.

As Mario and the others entered town, they noticed a man blocking a door to another part of town.

"Who-a the hell-a are you."

"I am Sheek, an information trader, and probably the only sensible person in this town. If you are a nice guy, you will give me nice stuff."

Mario shoved a lemon in his mouth.

"OHHM, HEAFENLY!! A wemon, the nicef of nice fings!!"

"That-a didn't work-a out the-a way, I-a though it would." Mario stated in regards to Sheek sucking on the lemon, even though it was incredibly sour.

"PWEASE!! For vis wuvwy wemon, what would you wike?"

"Take us to Moustafa, you lemon-sucking loser."

"Wes, wight away!" Sheek still hadn't bothered to take the lemon out, his face an odd mixture of bliss and overwhelming by sourness.

After a short walk across the outpost's rooftops, they entered a house.

"I will know let you meet Moustafa." It was then he threw his robe off receiving calls of "OH GOD!! HE'S NAKED!!".

"I am Moustafa, Sheek is just what I call myself to avoid rabid fans coming after me. I have something to give you, it is pink, and it pulses & throbs and if properly _manipulated_, it will pulse and throb more until it's purpose has been achieved, & must be placed in a hole in something, & after it has been placed, something great will emerge."

Kooper just stared "If it's what I think it is, we don't want it." The others stated their agreement.

"Here is the Pulse Stone, it will pulse, throb, and flash, becoming more rapid until you find where it's supposed to be placed, then you will be able to access Dry Dry Ruins and rob my ancestors' treasures, like the stinking, western-jerkwads you are. Is nice, yes?"

"Right, right, right. Let's get out of here before I have to kill this guy in some sort of explosion."

Once again, the heroes set off into the desert.

Goombario was trailing behind the group in a daze while the others were tiredly moving along "Mario, why are there moving rocks in front of me?"

"Mario!! Goombario's hallucinating again."

"Kooper-a. Shut-a off the blinky-stone-a will ya?" A beep from the Pulse Stone was heard.

"Be quiet, will you? It's bad enough that there's moving rocks. Do you have to BEEP to?"

As the group continued to the northeast, an enormous swarm of Pokeys spotted them.

"Heyyyy, llllook. It's Mmmmmario and cooooo."

"Dryyyyy Dryyyyy Ruinnnnns is ttttthat wayyyy."

"Thank-a you, guys!!" Beep beep beep beep "Shut up, you stupid stone!"

5 minutes later…

Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep "SOMEONE GET THAT THING TO SHUT UP!!" Bombette followed this with an explosion.

"Here…I'll just place it in this fridge…and then we'll…uhh…ditch it."

And so Goombario did just that and suddenly…

"GODDAMNIT, GOOMBARIO, YOU CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE!!"

As something began to rise out of the ground, it changed from night to day, much to our heroe's shock and amazement.

"Whoa. Hey, now we can check out constellations!!"

"AWESOME!!"

Then dust and sand started whirling around.

"My allergies!! Atchoo, atchoo, atchoo!"

"Parakarry, wherever you are…STOP SNEEZING ON ME!"

"Sorry. Atchoo!"

Within 5 minutes, Dry Dry Ruins had emerged from the sand, Goombario had been crushed under a staircase somehow, Kooper was on top of the ruins screaming for his mommy, Mario had gotten lost in the dust cloud, and Bombette and Parakarry were outside the entrance, Parakarry still sneezing.

"Atchoo!"

"Mommy, I want to get down. Waaaaaaaa! Somebody help me!"

"Guys-a, where are you, it's-a dark and I-a can't see!" Thunk. Mario had walked into a pillar while lost in the incredibly small area.

"I can't believe it. We're not even in the ruins yet and already they're lost." Bombette was responded to by an "Atchoo!" from Parakarry.

Several hours later, mainly because no one could find Goombario who had been crushed under a staircase unable to call for help…

"Okay, let's go in." And so they went in and we're greeted strangely.

"OOOOOOHH!! Leave now, or you will all PERISH!"

"Hey-a look, it's-a day out-a again!"

"That makes no sense, it was day when we placed that damned Pulse Stone, it was night when the ruins appeared, and now it's day out again!?"

"And not to mention all those moving rocks, this desert is freaky." Mario paid them no mind, yelling "Hello" into the ruins, and laughing like an idiot as it echoed back.

"OoooOOOOH!! Pay attention to me!!"

"Shut-a up, I'm-a trying-a to listen to-a my echoes!"

"OOOOHH! Sorry, sir."

The next rooms were no problem since each time a Pokey Mummy tried to come out after them, Mario would slam the coffin door shut on it, not even noticing it, preoccupied with "preserving history".

"Mario, you do realize you're destroying ancient mummies, right?" Kooper asked as they grabbed a key.

"I-a am?" Mario just stared confused as they entered the next room, while Kooper sighed in exasperation.

"WOOOOOHH!! GET OUT! Leave now…OR YOU WILL SUFFER!!"

"Whatever it is," Opened an irritated Kooper "it can't be any worse than what we've been through, so close your pie-hole!"

The others payed the conversation no mind, turning there to attention to Goombario, who was admiring the room.

"Holy crap! It looks like an Escher painting in here! Look at all the stairs!"

"Yeah, why-a don't you-a check 'em out?" Mario then kicked Goombario sending him painfully down the stairs, ending with a double-knockout between him & a Buzzy Beetle.

"Okay, we-a go up."

"Why? You sent Goombario down, not up."

"Yeah, but-a you have to-a blow up that-a wall." Bombette was thrown at a cracked wall, and exploded, then Mario jumped up & entered the hole into the room, and collected the key, pressed the switch, etc.

"Alright." Bombette got up from the pain of her explosion "Now let's go & get Goombario."

Mario ran out of the room, jumped and landed on his poor Goomba companion, then opened the next door and headed inside. As soon as they did, Kooper noticed something.

"OOOH. An artifact!! Kolorado will like that!! Parakarry, get it!"

"But I'm not your slave!"

"Parakarry is to Kooper as Goombario is to Mario."

"You-a tell him-a, bro!"

"Fine." Parakarry flew up and grabbed the artifact…Then he fell on Mario and cracked the floor.

"UGH!! This thing weighs a ton! Look!" He turned it around revealing a label reading "1 ton".

"That's great, Parry-Harry. Now let's go."

"My name's Parakarry!"

"Whatever, Mary."

"Gah!"

"Has anyone noticed all the coffins?" Inquired Bombette as they headed through the room. It was just then that Mario hit a ? Block, opening all the coffins and unleashing swarms of enemies on everyone.

"Mario, Wheeze I swear. Wheeze If we live through this, Wheeze we're going to kill you. I feel like I'm going to faint."

"Quiet, Gary, now help us kill the enemies." Bombette said, whilst annihilating a Pokey Mummy in an explosion.

"But I'm carrying this damnably-heavy artifact!!"

"Just do it, Larry, you're the only one aside from dynamo-dolt over there who can hit enemies on the ceiling anyway." Proving Goombario's point Mario was busy cheering like an idiot as he charged into walls.

Shortly after, all the enemies in the room had died, the only spoils of victory being a key appearing all the way across the room from the door. Goombario went and exhaustedly picked it up, then dragged it across the room, taking 15 minutes to do so.

Mario began whistling as he skipped out of this room, not tired at all. "It's-a the end-a of this room-a, and I feel-a fine!"

"Must…resist urge…to waste energy…on blowing up…Mario."

As soon as they entered the next room they found it had 3 paths. Kooper took the bottom right path, since he was closest to it after being knocked off the ledge by an exhausted Parakarry.

"Dieee!!" The blue-shelled Koopa could be heard screaming and attacking numerous Buzzy Beetles and various other enemies.

"Parakarry, take me across the ledge, we're going through the top-left."

"But I can't Wheeze carry you and this heavy artifact!"

"ARE YOU SAYING I'M FAT!?"

"No…no, ma'am, one carrying across Wheeze…coming right up." And so Parakarry and Bombette went through, and Mario and Goombario took the only remaining path left.

As soon as Parakarry entered he tripped over a rock and fell, and saw the jump pad below him, and made a realization.

"Oh no! The artifact, if I hold it above or beside me, it'll break and Kooper'll kill me!!"

So he held it below him, and upon his hitting of the ceiling it smashed into his poor underbelly.

"Yeeowch!" Bombette, meanwhile, was trying to hit a Super Block, but kept flinching because of Parakarry's screams.

"WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE QUIET SO I CAN HIT THIS BLOCK!!"

"Ye-EEEEOWCH!!" Parakarry tried to respond, but he was cut off by him hitting the ceiling and the artifact slamming into his underbelly.

"So, ignore me will you? THEN TAKE THIS, YOU SPRING-LOVING MOTHERER!!" The spring/jump pad was then annihilated in a massive explosion, just as Parakarry had smashed into the ceiling and gotten hit by the artifact yet AGAIN. Somehow the explosion hit him, but the artifact remained unharmed.

"GAAH!! I can't let the artifact hit that stone floor, let alone after it's been hit by an explosion!!" So Parakarry held the artifact above him, so when he landed, it crushed him under it's incredibly heavy weight.

"GYAHHHH!!" Just then, Bombette jumped and hit the block.

"Alright, come on light!" The lights hit her, and now we'll shift to Mario & Goombario!!

As Mario and Goombario entered a room with an engravement of a treasure chest with an arrow pointing towards the other room, the voice who had been pissing them off all day cried out yet again. "Oh no…-"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!! YAHHHHHHH!!"

"Wait, what? We couldn't hear you over the massive explosion and VERY loud scream of some girl. Could you repeat that Mr. Not-So-Spooky-Voice-Man?"

"OOOHOOOHOOOOH!! Don't go in there!! Please DON'T!! Or…Uh…You will start to feel a horrible curse. Uh yeah…A horrible curse!"

"Oh c'mon, you're making it painfully obvious that there's something good there. Come on, Mario."

So, for hours, Mario & Goombario wandered in the room, pressing switches, Goombario occasionally getting catapulted by the rotating stairs, and Mario thinking they were playing snakes and ladders with no snakes.

"Wheeze, wheeze, finally found it. Can't believe there was a secret entrance in a wall to a dark room." Goombario opened a small chest and… "Huh, Slow Go. "Makes you only able to…WALK!? What the hell is this!?"

Meanwhile, Mario was below him and had opened a giant treasure chest to find a stone hammer.

"YAHOO!! I-A FOUND IT!"

"What did you find?"

"A hammer!"

"Oh…So I didn't find the real treasure after all…Ohhh." So Mario & Goombario left, each with their respective "treasures".

Meanwhile with Kooper.

"Damn, this tunnel is small! It's more narrow & tight than Bombette!"

"Hey, shut up! We're trying to sleep!"

"Huh? OH GOD, VAMPIRE BATS!!"

"No, we're Swoopers, only our cousins of the Swoopula species suck your blood, we just tackle you."

"Oh, hey who are those guys?"

"Oh, hey, fellow Buzzy Beetle! This place is great! Real dark. But how come you're walking upright, and ON THE GROUND??"

"Uhhh…_They must've noticed my blue shell. Better lie._ Um, I don't know how to walk, er crawl, on the ceiling."

"Oh, it's easy, dude." And so Kooper was taught the art of walking on the ceiling, as well as how to attack from it. Then he slaughtered everyone in the tunnel.

"ALRIGHT!! Who wants more from KOOPER THE KOOPA?!"

"Dude, that's lame." However Kooper had already zoomed across the ceiling of the tunnel and crashed into the wall at the end.

"Owww, my head. Still that was cool, going across the ceiling and all. Hey look, a key!" So Kooper grabbed it, and left the room, paying no mind to the block keeping the switch down.

"Sniff, sniff. Why does no one pay any attention to me? Even the game designers forgot that I would crush that poor switch, thus allowing that Koopa to grab the key, from the stairs that that switch makes jut out."

Back to Parakarry and Bombette who had entered a room with a large stone block.

"Hey look, a pink, star-shaped stone. Parakarry, get it."

"Oh, COME ON! I'm already carrying this artifact…Ah, never mind." So Parakarry, went and grabbed the stone, then he and Bombette left the room heading towards another part. Oblivious to the sounds of 2 Stone Chomps trapped under a stone block.

With Mario and Goombario…

"Hey, Mario, I think I saw an entrance to another room somewhere in that room with all the stairs. Let's…-"WEEHOO!!"

"Go?" And within a few seconds they were already in the room, which was nearly identical to the one Parakarry and Bombette had been in.

"Look, some sort of blue, moon-shaped stone!"

"I'm-a going-a to-a get it." Mario rushed off, trampling an about-to-speak Admiral Ackbar.

"I-a got it!" That's when a Stone Chomp appeared out of nowhere and fell on Mario.

"Ahhh, get it-a off, get-a it off!" Mario ran around the room blinded by the chomp's mouth over it's head and disgusted that it was humping his leg with it's chain.

"Hey, Mario? Does this mean I get to keep it??"

Mario grabbed it's chain, and threw the chomp against the wall, shattering it's face, thus killing it. "THERE IS-A NO WAY-A I'M-A HAVING-A PET STONE-A CHOMP!!"

"You KILLED MY PUPPY!!"

"Oh, I'm-a sorry, Goombario."

The little Goomba's eyes beamed. "REALLY??"

"OF-A COURSE NOT-A YOU-A LITTLE-A FUCKFACE!!" Mario then kicked Goombario full-force, sending him flying through the ruins like a pinball, ultimately, he landed in front of some chain/stone chomp statues. Only to see Kooper coming across, dragging 2 Stone Chomps, and Mario, Bombette and Parakarry coming from the main entrance to the room.

Bombette was the first to "Hey, Kooper what are those things, you're dragging?"

"What didn't you fight any Stone Chomps? These things just leaped out of the artwork on the wall. Literally. So I beat them up, and now I'm here. I also got this triangle-shaped stone."

Parakarry managed to catch his breath and speak up. "We found a star-shaped stone, Wheeze but we didn't fight any Stone Chomps. Wheeze Oh, and I kept your artifact safe."

"Good, keep doing that. And it's _Kolorado's_ artifact." Then Kooper slammed Parakarry with the Stone Chomp.

"Right. _Kolorado's_ artifact. Wheeze" Parakarry was then slammed again with a Stone Chomp.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE CARRYING THAT ARTIFACT FOR!? Also, don't say his name that way! And stop wheezing, you're giving me a frigging headache."

Parakarry didn't try to respond, and Goombario, actually concerned for him for once, changed the subject. "Uh, in case anyone cares, me and Mario found a blue, moon-shaped stone."

"Good, that's great, because I saw 3 Stone Chomp statues in another room each with a depiction of one of the stones. I believe the order was uhhh…Oh yeah! Moon, Star, Pyramid!" And when Kooper yelled "Oh yeah!" he swung the Stone Chomps up in the air, and they came down and smashed statues 2 & 4.

Mario, on the other hand had taken the stones, and was preparing to place them.

"Okay, what-a was the order-a Kooper said-a to place-a these in?" Mario said, as he stared at the remaining 3 statues.

Mario attempted to remember what Kooper said…

"_Blah, blah, blah, I like Kolorado."_

"Damnit! Hmm, where-a to place-a these."

The Jeopardy theme then began playing, while everyone but Mario began whistling to the catchy tune.

Insert Jeopardy theme here because I can't figure out how to type a bunch of "doo"s.

"Hmmm…" Mario tried to jam the Star Stone into the Moon Stone's slot. This was obviously to no avail. "Damn-a you crescent-shaped-a slot, let this-a stone fit!!"

Then a neon sign appeared above the statues that read "Leave now!! Free ice cream!"

"Shut-a up, I'm-a not leaving." The sign changed to read "Fine, dumbfuck. Then just hurry up and put the Moon Stone in the left statue, the Star Stone in the middle statue, and the Pyramid Stone in the right statue."

Mario then tried to put the Moon Stone in the statue on the right. Again, this didn't work. This went on for several hours…Until he FINALLY got it right.

"I-a did it!"

"That's great, now are you ready to learn to count?" Goombario snapped, he and the others now awake once again.

"Yes!"

Kooper yelled, unconcerned about anything but exploring the ruins. "Too bad! We're going down those newly formed stairs!"

And so they did, healing themselves along the way, albeit unnecessarily since it didn't ease their hunger, and they were already well rested.

And they entered a dark room, lit only by torches.

"Oooohoooohoohh. Leave now, or you will DIE! Leave-"SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I ANNIHILATE THESE RUINS WITH MY LITERALLY EXPLOSIVE TEMPER!! YAHHH!!"

Kooper expressed his frustration next. 'What she said, moving pieces of something."

"Yeah, you've been pissing us off ever since we entered these stupid ruins!! For God's sake, you don't even scare Parakarry!!"

"Yeah, and I put a restraining order on my own _shadow_!! Ahh, there it is!! Helllp!!" Parakarry then began flying around the room wildly, while Mario approached the pieces, which started to form.

"You fools!! In the name of Ra-Bowser, the Koopa sun-god: What the hell is wrong with you guys? Don't you have the common sense to get scared and run away?" Screamed a frustrated Koopa-ish pharaoh.

"Hey! I'm a girl, I take offense to being called a guy!!"

"Sorry."

"We don't get scared, not by idiots yelling in ruins anyway. Honestly, you look stupider than Mario." Goombario was promptly stomped firmly into the ground.

"Well, surely you would fear Tutankoopa, a loyal servant of King Bowser…Errr…Uhhh…A powerful PHAROAH."

They all responded in nonchalant unison, Goombario's voice muffled since he was stuck in the ground. "No, we wouldn't."

"Then take this!!" Tutankoopa made a giant Chain Chomp appear in the air, solidify, land, and disappear. All this did was drop rocks from the ceiling onto them.

Goombario now out of the ground took notice of this. "Wouldn't it be more effective just to drop the giant Chain Chomp head on us?"

"Errr…Take this!" He then repeated the same tactic, the characters just stared, unfazed.

Then they started clapping. "Yay, more magic!" "Yeah, do some tricks!!" "Pull a rabbit out of your hat!" "He's-a not wearing-a a hat! Pull one-a out-a of your-a ass!" Mario emphasized his statement by stomping. However this was also to jam Goombario back into the ground.

"Oh, why thank you. I'm so glad you all think I'm such a good-OW!" It was then that they had started throwing the rocks that had fallen on them back at him.

"Booo! You suck!"

Then the Pharoah-ish idiot came to a realization. "Hey, wait a minute! I'm not a magician!! Damnit! Take this!!" Then he threw 4 Buzzy Beetle Shells at them. However, Mario, Kooper, & Parakarry caught them then threw them back.

"Dude, you're pathetic." Kooper stated bluntly to Tutankoopa who was now lying on the ground.

So Tutty got up again. "GAHH! Come, Chomp!! Bite these intruders!" And so a cage opened briefly to let out a Chain Chomp.

Bombette looked at it with hearts in her eyes. "Awww, it's cute." The Chain Chomp snapped wildly at her while Kooper stood on it's chain with a smug smile on his face.

"Hey, Mario, can we keep the puppy? PLEEASE??" Goombario bowed in whatever way that Goombas bow and looked at Mario with big, sparkly, anime/Disney eyes.

"Gommba chuck!" Exclaimed the plumber as he sent Goombario flying into Tutankoopa, causing an "Ow!" from both the thrown and the hit.

"Ah!! How dare you knock a great Pharoah off his platform!" Come **Chomps**, bite these bitches!!"

"Crap." Parakarry watched as 3 Chain Chomps entered the room, and Tutankoopa ripped off their chains, causing several yelps, growls, & cringes. Then he took the cage bars, & combined them to make 3 pairs of nunchucks.

"Haha! Ow! Fear my nunchucks! Ow!!" The idiot pharaoh was swinging around 2 pairs on nunchucks and constantly hitting himself.

"You're the dumbest person I've ever met, and that's saying something." Goombario stated as Kooper grabbed the other pair of nunchucks, Bombette blew up the Chain Chomp that still had it's chain/tail, and Mario grabbed the now unconscious Chain Chomp and started skillfully swinging it around like it was a mace.

"Well-a well well, it-a looks-a like-a you-a lose Tutty." "HEY! Don't call me that!! Only my mommy can call me that, and she's dead now."

He looked around the room to see a Koopa with nunchucks, a Paratroopa in it's shell ready to slam into him, a super-genius Goomba with a rock-hard head, a plumber with a Chain Chomp mace, 3 Chain Chomps growling at him, and a **REALLY **pissed off Bob-Omb.

"Oh fu- Before he could finish his profanity, he was severely pwned, and the heroes walked over him like a doormat to where a Star Spirit Card was. Mario grabbed it & then…

"QUICK, SHIELD YOUR EYES!!" Goombario panickly yelled, before a bright flashy show happened. Mario was unaffected because he started it, Bombette because Kooper covered her eyes with his body, & Kooper was unaffected because he also shielded his own. Goombario had nothing to shield with, and Parakarry didn't see it coming.

And in large letters appeared:

**END OF CHAPTER!**

Now let's check on Princess Peach.

"Hey, Twink. I feel like sneaking out again, let's use the secret passage."

"Uh…Okay, Princess impulsive." And so they did just that.

As soon as they were out of Peach's room and, out of Bowser's room, they arrived in the hallway.

"Peach, there are lot of Koopatrol guards with flaslights out there so be…" However suddenly, several screams were heard as Peach killed all the guards.

"…Careful?" "Didn't I tell you I was in Super Smash Bros Melee?" "Oh, right. Hey, I've been wanting to read about that game for a while."

"Well the castle does have a library, Mr. Out-of-touch. Let's go there." And they entered the library, and slaughtered all the guards, then they overheard two guards talking randomly.

"Blah, blah, blah. Cheese, cheese, cereal. Lol." "Yammer, yammer, sammer. I like potatoes. OMG."

"What is wrong with those two?" "How the hell should I know!? I'm a damn Star Kid!"

"So yeah, have you heard about Bowser's new minion?"

"Yeah! I heard he's invincible, maybe even more powerful than King Bowser!"

"Hey, no one's more powerful than King Bowser! Well, except for Mario, I hate to say it, but he's kicked Bowser's can quite a few times. And good."

"Now, now let's not start a library flame-war, like we did last time. We ended up burning all the books, remember? Anyway, back to the "invincible" guy."

"Oh yeah, him. His name is Tubba Blubba, and I heard he's not only invincible, but he eats ghosts!"

"What!?" "Yeah, just like that! Gulp! Right. Down. His. Throat."

"Jesus Christ, why did you tell me that, man!? Now I'm not going to be able to walk to the bathroom alone at night."

"Don't worry. I'll be with you every naked step of the way. _Heh, heh, alllright._"

"Dude, that's really creepy." "I know! Isn't Tubba Blubba scary??"

"Twink, did you hear that, we have to get this info to Mar-"Hey did you just hear something right now?" "Yeah, I did! Hey, Princess Peach!! You're hot and all, but you have to go back to your room. Right now." Then the Hammer Bro and Koopatrol picked her up.

"Noooo! I don't wanna be raped!!" "Well, Peach didn't say I had to deliver it to anyone in specific, so I'll just take this one off and read about Super Smash Bros."

Back to Mario & co.

After the flashy light show, the Chain Chomp Mario had been wielding woke up & saw TutanKoopa.

"Aww, c'mere, Chompy. Are you hurt?" Then it started chasing him, and so, that old wacky style music started playing as the other Chain Chomps started chasing him around the ruins, as they ran in and out of various doors & rooms.

Then Mario and co. were teleported outside the ruins…

"Awww…I-a wanted to keep watching-a the chase-a scene." Then TutanKoopa came running and screaming out of the ruins, followed by several hungry Chain Chomps.

"GODDAMNIT!! Why won't anyone help their poor pharaoh!? YAHHAHAHAAAAWWW!!"

"Well, I'm glad to have escaped from that captor." Spoke a yellow star with a bow, and a motherly look.

"How are my cutesie widdle baby captors. I'm Mamar."

"Hi, I'm Goombario, and I hate my own mother for doing that kind of stuff."

"Yeah, stop cooing at us or I'll blow up & kill you."

"AWWW. Isn't that cute?"

"Don't you have people to take care of in Star Haven?" Kooper remarked holding in the urge to try & kill her.

"OHMYGOODNESS! That's right, thank you sweetie! Here Mario, have this power: Lullaby. You can put people to sleep with it."

"Wow-a. That's-a real manly &-a useful." Mario said cringing and rolling his eyes, giving both middle fingers to his giggling "comrades".

"And this is for you Kooper, sweetie." She puckered up, but Kooper unleashed a Dizzy Shell, leaving her dazed as she flew back up without having kissed him, every once in a while bumping into something, like a vulture or the clouds.

"Phew, thank god." Everyone just giggled at him, including Mario.

"Look guys, stop giggling, we have to find Kolorado." And so they traveled south, and came to Kolorado's camp.

"Hey, Kolorado! I brought you an artifact!" "Oh that's great, young legume. Here, Mario have a Star Piece." Said the bumbling archaeologist as he patted Kooper's head.

"He patted me…Sigh"

"Look-a, let's just get back to the train, and Kooper, you're not going to be my boyfriend if you act like you're gay for Kolorado."

"Oh, right."

5 minutes later, the group had gotten across Mt. Rugged, after several fights with the local enemies. Then Mario spotted a Stone Block.

"MARIO SMASH!!" "Hey, look Mario! A Super Block!" Goombario remarked. Then he & Parakarry looked at each other.

"MINE!!" A vicious fight ensued, with clawing, biting and headbonking, and then…One of Parakarry's letters fell out of his bag.

"AH MY LETTER!" "Hah-hah, it's all mine!" Goombario hit the Super Block and felt a surge of energy.

"OH THE POWER!! With this…I WILL RULE THE WORLD!!"

"So-a, Goombario, how-a do you-a feel?" Mario asked, completely oblivious to what happened.

"Well, my head feels as hard as steel, and…" Then Goombario started spouting statements suiting of a super-genius. Including advanced calculus, quantum physics, and various other things.

Bombette just looked and listened in awe. "Holy. Shit."

Parakarry just stared and spoke "I never thought Goombario could get any smarter."

"I never thought his head could get any HARDER." Said an astonished Kooper.

"I-a didn't think my-a _penis_ could-a get any harder." Mario said, engrossed in a porn magazine.

"Well, now. Let us commence our departure via locomotive."

"What? I-a can't understand-a smart-speak-a, Goombario."

"He means that we should just get on the damn train." Bombette explained.

"Oh, okay."

And so they left. But since the train ride will be a while, let's see how Kolorado & co. are doing…

Kolorado was at camp, putting on a hat and preparing supplies.

Workman 1 got up and pointed this out. "Finally, Kolorado started doing something, we've been waiting out in this desert for ages."

"Hey, you're right! Hey, Kolorado, are we finally going to Dry Dry Ruins?" Pointed out Workman 2.

"Yes, we are aged pintos! I'm going to go look for the Crystal Skull. I am quite sure it's kingdom is in those incredibly small ruins. I even have a whip that I stole from some "Illinoia James" or someone like that."

Kolorado's workmen just slapped their foreheads. Then they heard something.

"Hey, what's that music?" Then they saw the whirlwind from before, still taking the stone cactus with it, and now it had a radio playing the Indiana Jones boulder chase scene music.

"Workman 1, Workman 2, I say, we must run!!"

And so they were pursued throughout the desert by a whirlwind, which conveniently, also took all their stuff. Now back to Mario & his "friends"…

"Hey-a look, guys, there's a the bridge-a to a Toad Town!"

"Hey, you're right. Finally, I can get back to my job as a postman!!"

"Are you kidding, Parakarry? You're here with us to STAY." However, just as they were almost across the bridge it collapsed and so, our heroes jumped out. The conductor however, lack the physical to jump out, and stayed in the train as it slipped down.

"Save me, please!"

Goombario answered. "No! I'm so smart, I already know we won't need you at any point in our quest!"

The conductor's last word was an echoing: "ASSHOLES!!" this faded as he fell into nothing. Then Mario pulled a bomb out of hammerspace and dropped it down, and a faint explosion was heard.

"Now, let's-a go to-a Toad Town." Mario and the others continued unfazed, except for Parakarry, who was too busy wondering about his future.

10 minutes later, at the train station.

"Hey, I'm a guy who does nothing but watch the train all day. What happened to it?"

"The train fell down an abyss with the conductor still in it, but we jumped out. Then we killed him by dropping a bomb down the abyss." Kooper said, brutally breaking the ice.

"Noooo!!" The Toad then shot himself.

"My incredibly intellect tells me that the world's average IQ has just increased greatly." Goombario declared, as they walked north.

Mario then shot his finger up, poking Parakarry quite hard. "Hey-a, I just-a remembered something!"

5 minutes later, at the Mario's house.

A man in green could be seen sitting & singing on the porch steps. "You-a won't-a find Adobe, here-a in Nairobe."

"Hey-a, Luigi, I'm-a home!"

"You're a done-a your adventure-a already, bro? That-a was quick!"

"No, I just have-a someone I'd-a like you to-a meet. Luigi-a, meet Parakarry. Parakarry-a, meet Luigi."

The green clothed-plumber's eyes met with Parakarry's, and romantic music started playing. Then they both said…

"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!!"

"YOU-A STUPID-A MAILMAN!! GET THE FUCK-A OFF-A MY PROPERTY!!" Luigi, then whipped out a rocket launcher and started firing at Parakarry like crazy.

Parakarry started dodging and got in his shell to aim at Luigi. "I'M JUST TRYING TO DO MY FRIGGIN' JOB!!"

Mario, Goombario, Kooper, & Bombette just watched, the last 3 wide-eyed. Then Kooper expressed his thoughts.

"Nice idea, Mario. It'll be nice to relax for once."

"How do you know they won't hit us?" Asked Bombette.

"They're aiming for EACHOTHER."

"But they're not hitting, something is bound to hit US if we just sit here!"

Goombario interrupted "I say that we stay still, if we're moving, they might mistake us for each other, plus we cover more ground and are more likely to get hit."

"Good point, besides, they might set the grass or the house on fire."

Mario paid this no mind. "Hey-a Luigi! Could-a you make-a me some-a popcorn??"

"Sure-a, bro!" Luigi leaped up, grabbed Parakarry, then took some microwavable popcorn. Then he shoved the popcorn AND Parakarry's head in the microwave.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!! I'M BURNNNING!!" Everyone outside just laughed, while Luigi handed Mario the popcorn.

Several hours later.

"Great, I-a just destroyed the house. I-a guess it's-a time-a to rebuild-a it."

"That was some pretty good popcorn." Kooper said, rubbing his stomach.

Parakarry heard this and ran over to them, burned face and all. "YOU HAD POPCORN WITHOUT ME!?" Then, he started sobbing.

Goombario & Bombette just stared. "You'd think a guy with a burned face wouldn't have popcorn-related concerns." Bombette commented.

"What if he got burned by really hot kernels thrown at his face?" Goombario questioned.

"Come-a on guys, I think we should-a go now. I've-a had-a my fun-a anyway-a." Mario said.

"Okay."

15 minutes later, downtown.

"AHHHHhahHAAHH!! G-G-…"

"Hey, somebody just screamed." Pointed out Kooper.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Goombario retorted. "What seems to be the problem sir." Goombario questioned the terrified guard of Forever Forest.

"Mr. Plumber sir, there's a ghost RIGHT THERE!" Said Fice T.(That's his actual, canonical name.) Mario turned around and saw nothing.

"Old Boo trick, they appear behind you, then when you look they disappear to the opposite side. Pretend to turn around, but don't actually do so."

"Got-a it, Goombario."

"I'm-a turning to-a the right-a…" The Boo appeared on the other side, then Mario whipped around, grabbed him and started punching him.

"OW! OW! OW!" "How-a does-a that feel, ghost!?" "YOU'RE HITTING ME YOU DUMBASS!! Boo's can become _transparent_." Snapped Goombario.

"They-a can-a become transgender-a parents?"

"NO! **Transparent**! As in things, like say, YOUR FIST, go right through them!"

"Oh. Not-a sorry, Goombario."

"Asshole."

"In case you guys haven't noticed, the Boo went off into forever forest." Bombette bluntly pointed out. Kooper just nodded and pointed with his finger.

"Well, that's good and great, it's out of our way now, let's go, k thnx, bye!" Parakarry and Fice T. fearfully said in unison.

"No-a. Fice T.-a, you-a have to-a guard the-a forest, it's-a your-a job. And-a Parakarry, come-a along with-a us." Then Mario started dragging Parakarry along the ground, whom just started pounding, his fists, legs, and wings in a temper tantrum.

"I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I DON'T WANNA GOOOOO!!"

"Shut up, Parakarry." Goombario said.

And so, as they came to the entrance the sky darkened rapidly, then a Boo appeared.

"Pardon me good sirs and madam,-"

"HEY!! You're that stupid Boo from before!!"

Bootler just ignored Kooper and continued talking. "My master has invited you to Boo's Mansion."

Kooper misheard this and started laughing hard. "BOOZE MANSION!? Ahahaha!! Who the hell picked that dumb name!? A homeless guy?! Hahaha!!" The others noticed this and laughed as well, while Bootler ignored them still.

"My name is Bootler, we would be honoured if you would come."

Then Bombette stopped laughing. "Hey! This dumbass isn't even paying attention to us!!"

Goombario tilted his head to this statement, and started trying to grab Bootler's attention. "Helloooo? HELLO?? Anybody in there? Mr. Dumbass?"

"And if you don't come…" "Well, he's obviously not paying us any… Hey. Where did he go?"

"**We'll get youuuu!!" **Bootler reappeared screaming, giant, & mouth wide open.

"Holy-a shit, this-a guy oughta work for- shock sites. Oh-a well-a, let's-a go."

Parakarry was mortified, and no panicking not to go even harder. Bootler meanwhile, just left and faded off into the forest with a "My master awaits your arrival."

"What is he, a bondage slave?" Snidely remarked the blue-shelled one, as they walked into Forever Forest, Kooper & Bombette leading, Mario dragging Parakarry, and Goombario keeping an eye on the screaming mail Paratroopa.

A director called out, "Fade to black! Annnd…Curtains!!" Then a title screen appeared reading:

"Chapter 3: The Unconvincing Tubby Blubberer."

Author's note(s): Anyway, REALLY sorry about the long delay for this chapter, it's just that lately, I've had A LOT less time to work on the story, and like all you other authors, I have my own life to attend to as well. Plus it's hard coming up with original material, and regularly making chapters that are around 7000 words, give or take a few hundred. Anyway, if you have any criticisms, good or bad, they'll be greatly appreciated, because I want to make sure this story has as few flaws as possible. Thank you!


	4. He's Stupidly Invincible!

**Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door**

**Disclaimer for the story, this chapter, previous chapters, and future chapters: I do not own Nintendo, nor any of it's franchises, property, characters, ideas, resources, etc. Any content in this story is copyrighted to it's rightful owner(s). This story is a parody, and is protected by Fair Use.**

**Paper Everybody & The Thousand Anything Door**

404, cure not found.

_Chapter 3: The Unconvincing Tubby Blubberer._

In Forever Forest…

"I DON'T WANNA GO!! I DON'T WANNA GO!!"

"Shut up, Larry! We're already inside, and that running gag ended last chapter!"

"But, you getting my name wrong ended EVEN LONGER AGO!!"

"Mario, I'm scared." Goombario said, walking low to the ground with a terrified expression.

"Do I-a look-a like-a I-a give-a shit? Look, if any-a zombies-a come-a after-a you, just throw-a them-a that-a enourmous-a brain-a of-a yours, then-a run!"

"That's a great idea, Mario! Thanks!!"

Bombette pushed open the gate and held it open for the others, then she kicked it, sending it slamming into Mario & Kooper's face, but missed Parakarry and Goombario since they were both too low.

Kooper's face then became wrathful. "I force a guy to face his fears by dragging him into a forest, and what do I get? A FRIGGIN' GATE SLAMMED INTO MY FACE!!"

"Did you say GAAAAAATE??" Goombario said with an eager expression on his face.

"Yeah, so what? Besides, I hate gates now. So don't say "gate"."

"Marioooo."

"Goombarioooo."

"Ohhhhh…"

"It's a gate, gate, gate, and it's really great, a gate, gate, gate, and it's really great! Mario!!"

"Ohhhh, it's-a gate-a, gate-a, gate-a, and it's-a really-a great, great, gate, greatgreatgreat, GATE-A!! Kooper!!"

"NO!!"

"Parakarry! Skipping-a Bombette-a, because-a I'm-a sexist-a, and for-a Deus-a Ex-a Machina!"

"Oh, it's a gate, gate, gate, and it's really great, there's really no DEBATE!! BOMBETTE!!" Parakarry sung both enthusiastically and moronically.

The responses were a loud **"OM NOM NOM NOM!!NOM NOM NOM, NA NOM NOM NOM NA NA NA NOM NOM NOM!!" **Followed by a loud and irritated "GET ME OUT OF THIS PIRHANA PLANT YOU FUCKING, SEXIST MORONS!!"

"Holy crap, Bombette, my love!!" Kooper exclaimed.

"Divine feces, one of our vital comrades is in trouble!!" Goombario declared.

"Heavenly-a shit, my explosive-a is-a about-a to-a be-a devoured-a!" Mario realized

"Pudding!" Parakarry said. This earned him a punch in the face, & a juniour boy scout's demerit.

Then Mario and co. got to the Pirhana Plant.

"**OM NOM NOM NOM!!"**

"Sigh…I'll-a handle-a this." Mario then attempted to punch the Pirhana Plant, but it spat Bombette out & burrowed underground-"Wait, they can burrow underground?" Goombario interrupted. "In this game they can." Responded the narrarator.

Anyway, then it came back up and bit Mario where it hurt his pride…Physically.

"Yow! Mama mia, Mario's mega-meatballs-a making-a Mario massive-a pain!!"

"Nice alliteration." Kooper said. "Thanks!! NOW-A STOP-A BITING-A MY-A BALLS!!" Mario yelled at the Pirhana Plant before kicking it's head off.

"That's-a better."

"Whoah." Goombario said, looking at the Pirhana Plant's decapitated head.

"Anyway, let's-a go-a through-a the-a forest."

"HEY!! DOESN'T ANYONE FUCKING CARE THAT I NEARLY DIED THERE!?" Bombette angrily screamed at them.

"No." "Not really." "You-a have-a anger-a problems." "Puddi-SMASH

And so the heroes took the first path they found, and found themselves at the entrance of the forest, & saw the sign that stands at the first section of the forest.

"Damnit. Well, other-a path then." So they took the left path this time, and once again found themselves at the entrance.

"Wait. What's going on? We keep ending up at the entrance of the forest." Kooper said confused.

"Well, there's probably one last path, that should be the right one. So don't worry." Goombario said.

So they went to it, then the bush near the gate to that path rustled. "M-Mario, there's s-something in those bushes." Parakarry timidly pointed out.

"So-a what?" Goombario followed this statement with a "Yeah, so what?"

Then a cricket with monstrous fangs lept out of the bush at Goombario.

"YEAAAGH!!"

Then the cricket was dead, for that scream was the one the CRICKET let out when Goombario stomped on it.

"I've always wanted to do that."

"Why did that dumbass think such an old trick would work in the first place?" Bombette said as they opened the gate and walked down the path.

Then someone spoke from slightly above them "Hello travelers, I'm sorry to say this, but you shouldn't go any farther."

"Too bad, muff-face. We have to go to Boo's Mansion, so get out of the damn way." Came the irritated response from Bombette to what appeared to be a very unshaven midget.

"Well, since you have an invitation to Boo's Mansion. Please pass. Also, let me tell you something. In Forever Fores-Hey, hold on a sec, I'm not done yet!!" The thing said as he noticed that the others were ditching him.

"Look, we don't care. We want to get to Boo's Mansion. OKAY?" Kooper said angrily.

"BUT I CAN HELP YOU!!"

Now even Parakarry was annoyed "I don't care if you're a psychiatrist! & stop following us!"

"I'm not a psychiatrist!!" He panickedly said. "Well then, don't say you can help us!!" Parakarry snapped back.

"I KNOW HOW TO GET THROUGH THE FOREST!! My name is Oaklie." He yelled at them.

"Look-a, we-a don't care about-a some forest-a that-a we're not-a in. I've-a decided to-a just burn-a down this-a place."

"NO!! Please don't do that! I meant that I can get you through this forest! I'm a park ranger!"

Bombette blew herself up then screamed "STOP CHANGING WHAT YOU SAY, FUCKFACE!! AND YOU LOOK LIKE A **CRAZY HOBO**, NOT A **PARK RANGER**!!"

"And you certainly don't look like a psychiatrist either. _This _is a psychiatrist:" Then Parakarry showed a picture of Dr. Phil.

Then Kooper spoke. "Besides, I HATE park rangers, I once lost my footing on a nature hike and got stranded on a cliff, I _would've_ been saved…"

"But you were…Right??" Oaklie nervously asked.

"HELL NO!! The park ranger was too busy giving back a penny to a millionaire!! I only got off the damn cliff because a giant vulture-thing grabbed me and tried to kill then eat me!! I was in the hospital for 3 weeks, and my parents were knee deep in medical bills for 3 YEARS!!"

Then Oaklie started sobbing. "**PLEASE FORGIVE ME!! **WAAAHHH!! DON'T BURN FOREVER FOREST DOWN, IT'S MY HOME!! Sob, sob. (& I'll have to arrest you for deforestation.)** I'M SO SORRY!! **I JUST WANTED TO HELP YOU _GET THROUGH FOREVER FOREST_!!"

"Quiet-a now. I-a can't-a stand-a to-a see a grown-a man, cry." Mario said, patting Oaklie.

"So you'll let me help you guys??" Oaklie said, his eyes brightening.

"NO-A!! I'M-A GOING TO-A RIP YOUR-A FUCKING-A VOCAL-A CORDS-A OUT!!" The Pyrokinetic Plumber screamed, as he took hold of Oaklie's throat.

"Hold on a intercourse-performing second, you unintelligible primitives!! Haven't you guys listened, AND comprehended what this existence is trying to communicate to us?!" Goombario yelled.

"Uhh, what?" "He's TRYING to tell us that he can get us through Forever Forest, which is where we are RIGHT NOW!!"

"Ohh. So he's-a not a psychologist-a or a hobo?"

"No, he's not. But he IS a park ranger. Now then, Oaklie. Just tell us."

"Okay, in Forever Forest, you must pay attention to Forever Forest, for example. In this section, one of the tree's trunks will gain glowing, red eyes when you're near it. So you'll need someone detail oriented."

Mario stared at Goombario, Bombette at Parakarry, and Kooper stared at Bombette.

"Goombario, I-a think-a you should-a do-a this."

"Okay, you little bitch, time to pull your weight." The Pink Bob-Omb said to Parakarry.

Kooper just stared at the aforementioned Bob-Omb with a loving gaze in his eyes. "Oh, Bombette my love." This was responded to by an explosion.

Getting back on track, Goombario nor Parakarry wanted to be chosen. "Why do I have to do it!?"

"Because-a you're-a the-a smart-a one, Goombario."

"Because a coward like you will notice all the freaky things in this forest." Bombette said.

"BUT WE DON'T WANT TO!!" The ever-observant cowards objected.

"Too bad."

And so, they began walking through the forest, taking a left turn and running for their life in the right direction from a tree with glowing eyes.

"Mario, I'm scared." Gombario said, his eyes darting back & forth. Then the tree gave a laugh "EEHEEHEEHAHAHA!!"

"Yeek! What was that!?" The cowardly genius cried suddenly clinging to Mario. He just flung Goombario right off his arm. "Get-a off-a me, you stupid-a mushroom-a-thingy!"

Meanwhile in the back of the group, Parakarry was bumping into everything but his "friends", not being able to see well in the dark, since he didn't get enough Vitamin A(& that's why you should eat carrots, kids!!) Then Goombario came flying right into his face.

"AAAGGGHHH!! MY SHADOW'S FACE-RAPING ME, GET ME OFF, GET ME OFF!!" "That's frigging disgusting, Parakarry!!" Bombette screamed. "Relax, Parakarry. It's just me, Goombario." "AAAGGGHHH!! GOOMBARIO'S MY SHADOW!!" Then Goombario was knocked to the ground.

Kooper on the other hand was running back and forth out of fear and panic as the tree constantly laughed at him.

"Stop harming my self-esteem!! You're scaring me! I'm cool, look! I have a cool red scarf, and an awesome blue shell!!" The tree just continued laughing, while Kooper ran around trying to think of others things that he thought made other people think he was cool.

"C-c-could we please just g-g-go through the g-g-gate, already sirs and madam!!" Oaklie asked trying to guide the "people" of his nightmares through Forever Forest. "Hey, I'm not a madam! _(Whatever that is.)_" Parakarry said, having gotten over his supposed shadow attack.

"And I'm not a sir!!" Bombette yelled, stupidly agreeing with Parakarry's misassumption.

"All-a of-a you. Shut-a up." Then, Mario beat up everyone except Oaklie, so he could drag them to the next section, having finally realized this was the correct path.

"T-T-Thank you, Mario sir, for a-a-allowing us to progress." Oaklie said, bowing & shivering in fear. "Shut up muff(in)-face." Came the united response, with Parakarry being too beat up to hear correctly and stupidly saying "muffin-face". Oaklie payed this no mind, however.

They then came to another area, filled with more Forest Fuzzies and Pirhana Plants. In the middle of the forest, there were several strange flowers, similar to the ones in the first section.

"Hey, flowers! I'm-a going to-a pick-a them." Then Mario attempted to grab the flowers, but they just smiled and shrunk into nothing. "Oh-a well. Hey-a, Mister Hark Stranger, where's-a the path to-a the-a next- section?" "Uh, yes, me the **Park Ranger**, shall g-g-guide you to the next section. At least, I would if I knew where it was."

That last statement perked up the others. "WHAT!? What kind of Park Ranger/Hark Stranger/Bark Danger are you!?"

"I-I...DON'T KNOW!!" Then Oaklie burst into tears. Which, combined with his leafy "skin", made him smell horrible.

"There, there, don't cry." Kooper said, patting him on the shoulder, sort of. "Thank you, Kooper, sir." Oaklie said. "Otherwise you'll start to smell bad, and then we'll have to burn you, and while we're at it we'll burn down Forever Forest." Kooper finished, revealing his other hand which was holding a burning piece of paper.

"Meep!" Oaklie then started trying to blow out the fire on the paper.

"Anyway-a. Goombario, Parakarry, help-a me look-a for-a the right-a path."

"Got it, Mario." "I don't wanna!!" The blue-shelled Koopa then grabbed the blue-hatted Goomba, and used it's hard-as-steel head to smash, the "blue-nothing-except-for-his-eyes"-ed Paratroopa. "Shut up, Parakarry."

Then, they begin running through the forest, Mario distracting the Pirhana Plants and killing the Forest Fuzzies by feeding them to one another, as in, the Fuzzies sucked the blood of the Pirhana Plants, and the Pirhana Plants ate their attackers.

"**OM NOM NOM NOM!!** (Thanks, Mario)"

"No-a problem, Pirhana Plants!! Hey-a, I finally found-a flowers that don't shrink away!" Mario said as he promptly picked them, just as they began turning and making a strange noise. "Stop-a turning, you damn flowers! Aww, now I don't-a want-a you anymore..._Throws the flowers away._"

"Hey, Mario. Those flowers are different from the rest in this area! This must be the right path!!" Goombario and Oaklie said. "HEY, DON'T DO MY JOB!!" "Stop saying what I say!" "NO!! You stop saying what-MMPH!" Mario then uttered a sigh of relief as the duct tape over the arguing mouths created silence.

Bombette just stared. "Why do you have duct tape with you, anyway?" "1. It's a necessity. 2. I'm a plumber, so-a why-a not?"

And so, our "heroes" headed down the path, coming to an area with neon-blue mushrooms lining the inner forest.

"Ooh, pretty." "Stop being a moron, Parakarry." Goombario disciplined.

"Okay." As the heroes walked around, Mario had the Fuzzies and Pirhana Plants kill each other in the same method as before.

"Hey, look at these mushrooms! They're blue like my shell! I'm gonna eat one, then I'll be blue. Dubba dee, dubba dai." Kooper said saying his last sentence in sing-song.

Bombette turned her attention to Kooper "Kooper, don't eat those. You'll get high or poisoned." Then Bombette realized something. "Wait? Why do I care what happens to you? Go ahead, get high, or poisoned or whatever."

"I shall, do whatever you say, my love." Kooper said in a trance, then he entered a further, but different trance as soon as he ate the mushroom. Then his eyes began glowing the same colour as the mushroom. "DUDE!! I CAN SEE FOREVER!!"

"Hey. Is-a the mushroom-a in his-a head or-a his stomach-a? His-a eyes-a are-a glowing." Mario asked, obviously confused.

"Actually, neither. He's still chewing it." Goombario responded, pointing his foot to Kooper's stuffed cheek.

After the group walked a bit, they were stopped by Kooper's arm shooting forward.(Which knocked over Parakarry.) "My supernatural mushroom powers, say we go this way!!" "Isn't Mario supposed to be the one with mushroom-derived powers?" Goombario asked.

Everyone just ignored Goombario "Follow the psychic Koopa Troopa!!" Mario and Parakarry declared in unison taking the same stance as Kooper.

They opened the gate, and entered a new area. "Well, looks like, the high, love-struck moron was right." Bombette sarcastically remarked, rolling her eyes.

"Hey-a look-a, a beehive-a?" "What's a beehive?" The others asked Mario all at once. "It's a home-a for-a things called-a bees that-a make-a honey, from-a my-a homeland of-a Brooklyn." "Ah yes, I remember Brooklyn." Kooper said reminiscing and contradicting his previous statement. "You DO?" Goombario asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I want it's sweet, inner liquids!!" Parakarry yelled, obviously reffering to the honey inside. He then slammed his whole body against the hive, and started shaking it. This garnered some odd looks, and more relevantly, some angry Bzzzaps.

"ZZZTOP ZZZZHAKING OUR HIVVVVVE!" The Paratroopa mailman's "special package" then received a very painful sting. "Owowow!! That hurt." "ZZZO DID YOU ZZZHAKINNNG OUR HIVVVVVE!!" Declared the angry, annoyed, aerial, attacker.

"Holy-a crap!! You-a guys have-a big bees in the-a Mushroom-a Kingdom!!" Mario said, pointing to what he thought to be a bee.

"Spelling contests are irrelevant right know!! We've got a swarm of angry Bzzzaps on our ass!" Goombario warned, already running. "Why-a are-a we-a running? Is there some sort of-a charity-a run going-a on? And-a what's-a Bzzzap?"

"THAT'S a Bzzzap!!" Goombario said, pointing to the swarm with his foot, causing him to trip & get trampled by the rest of the group. "No, that's a BZZZAPS!!" Parakarry said, pointing to the swarm. "THAT'S NOT CORRECT GRAMMAR YOU FRIGGIN' MORON!!" Bombette said exploding out of rage, and taking out 1/3 of the swarm of angry Bzzzaps.

As the group ran, Goombario somehow having caught up, spoke. "Shouldn't we be worried about losing our way while running from the Bzzzaps!?" As he said this, Kooper slammed the gate behind them sending another 3rd of the swarm to it's doom. As they passed a large patch of the glowing mushrooms, Mario responded.

"Which-a option-a of-a you rather-a have? Death, or-a a figurative-a eternity in this forest-a version of-a hell?" "I DON'T LIKE EITHER OF THOSE OPTIONS!!" Everyone but Goombario & Mario yelled.

"We can't get lost in this forest forever! It's technically 2 directional! If you take a wrong path, you're back at the entrance from here to Toad Town, if you take a correct path, you advance further towards Boo's Mansion! No matter how you look at it, unless you're trying to get to Boo's Mansion and never want to see Toad Town again, it's impossible to never leave the forest!"

"But-a we-a are trying-a to-a get to-a Boo's Mansion and don't-a want to-a see-a Toad Town again!!" Mario countered.

"Yes, but that's only to...Wait, why ARE we trying to get there?" Goombario suddenly realized. "Because we were to asked to by some ghost?" Asked Bombette, shrugging.

"Well, either way, if we continue to be lost in here, we won't save the world from Bowser, and that means we'll die!!"

"My-a point-a exactly, we get lost-a for the rest-a of-a our-a lives, hence-a the "figurative-a eternity" part, or-a we-a die by-a Bowser's hands-a!" "Wait. I just got intellectually beaten by Mario?" Goombario asked himself. "I can't tell if this is awesome since he's my hero, or shameful because he's very stupid." Thankfully Mario didn't hear him.

That's when a large white rock gained red eyes, and a jagged smile and laughed at them! "Stop laughing at me, I AM TOO cool!!" Kooper yelled at the rock, now out of his mushroom trance as they ran from the 2/3 beaten Bzzzap swarm that was still pursuing them, then they saw a sign.

"Oh CRAP, are we back at Toad Town?" Bombette asked . "_If you have business at Boo's Mansion, please go this way._" Goombario read off the sign. Mario and the gang turned that way, losing their pursuers and escaping Forever Forest, while Mario complained that it wasn't "Booze Mansion".

At Boo's Mansion, not "Booze Mansion"...

"Wow, it's almost scary." Kooper remarked. "Imagine if-a my-a little-a brother, Luigi-a had to-a go through-a this-a place or-a somewhere-a similar." Mario said kneeling over, & laughing. "For some reason, I doubt that'll happen for another year or so." Goombario said."I wonder where this place's mailbox is." Parakarry wondered.

"Now-a then, let-a me just-a get-a the gate." Then the gates suddenly opened by themselves, a wailing was heard, and our heroes were pushed through the gate by an unknown force.

Then from no visible person a voice said "WOOOO-oooo, scary, huh?" Which was followed by "Yeah, real SCARY, huh?" Mario had this to say:

"NO!! IT'S-A NOT SCARY-A YOU-A STUPID GHOSTS!! AND-A I-A CAN OPEN-A A GODDAMN-A GATE-A BY MYSELF!!" Then Mario slammed the gate doors behind him so hard, they flung off the hinges, went flying, and knocked the two Boo's out of both their transparent state and conscience.

"Stupid ghosts." Kooper remarked. "Hey, look a Heart Block." Bombette pointed out, noticing one to the right of the mansion's entrance. Everyone looked at each other once, rushed over and hit their heads on the wall. Then after rubbing their poor noggins, Mario hit his head again...On the Heart Block.

"Ahhh, finally. I friggin' live for this. What? I'm not addicted!!" Our group of now-revitalized heroes said to each other at once.

Then Goombario looked to the other side of the entrance stairs. "Hey, what's that rainbow coloured block over there?" "Wow. There IS something you don't know." Gasped the blue-shelled one in surprise. "I'll-a go-a hit it." And Mario did just that.

"WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAVE?" An unidentified voice boomed from nowehere. "If you're-a another ghost-a, I'm-a gonna-a kill-a you." Mario said, getting no response. "Well-a, I-a don't-a want to-a save-a anyone-a right now-a, so no-a."

Bombette just stared. "Hunh. That, was weird."

"On another note, is it just me or do the doors look like giant chocolate bars?" "Kooper, you dumbass. Did you stash some of those mushrooms & get high on them again?" "My answer is whatever answer you want it to be." Kooper said, once again in a love-struck daze. "Unfortunately, for you, I don't want either. Since option 1 is you actually being high, and option 2 is you not being high, which logic says is not possible."

"Well if you ask me, they DO look like giant chocolate bars. And I'm the smart one." Goombario interjected. "Theef chocolate bahrs tafe awful!!" Parakarry said, with a mouthful of door.

Goombario turned his attention to his idiot "friend". "We said they LOOK like chocolate bars, not taste like them." "Buph you neffer tafted them!!" "Look, stop biting the door before you get splinters in the roof of your mouth. Because we don't want to help you when you do." Kooper instructed, now having snapped out of his trance.

Parakarry took his mouth off the door, then they opened the door and they went inside.

"Hey! An antique sofa, I love antiques!! I call the golden seat!!" The goomba of the group said, rushing over to the couch. "No, it's mine!! Come Bombette, my love!" Kooper said, dragging Bombette with him.

"THE FIRST CHANCE I GET, I'M GOING TO SUE YOU FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT ASSHOLE!!" Bombette screamed. "I love you too, Bombette, my dear." "Bofe of you, gef offa me!!" Goombario yelled, crushed under the two.

"Whee! Sitting-a party!" Panic went into the eyes of Goombario, Kooper, and Bombette. "No, Mario, no!!" Then they were crushed by his weight, Goombario moreso than before.

"Uhh. What are you guys doing?" The last member of the party said, hovering over Mario sitting on Bombette, who was sitting on Kooper, who was sitting on Goombario. Then the spring underneath the golden seat over-powered their weight and they were sent flying, Parakarry going into their trajectory due to Mario's weight and flight speed forcing him in.

Several screams and a "Wheeee!"(Parakarry) were heard, then an "Ow." followed. Parakarry, being at the technical top had hit the wall first. Then his brain cells touched. "Mommy." Was his single utterance as he realized that he was going to get hit the most times by flying comrades.

Mario slammed into Parakarry, and as you may or may not know, going flying stomach first onto a Paratroopa's shell stomach first is not a picnic on the beach. "OWWWW!" Both Mario and his mailman ally had enough time to shed a tear before Kooper, who had hid in his shell, slammed into Mario's back, slamming them further into the damaged wall, & somehow reaching them before the one he loved.

"I HATE YOU ALL!!" Bombette said, as she flew through the air, hit Kooper's shell, lit her fuse, and blew up herself and the other 3. Meanwhile, Goombario gave a sigh of relief as he realized he would hit Bombette's soft back, and not the explosion or someone's hard shell.

Sadly for him, such was not the case, the others fell off the wall in pain, and Goombario hit the wall, also in pain.

"I blame you!" They all said, pointing fingers, feet, fuses or whatever they had at each other. Parakarry was pointing to the wall behind him, but still facing the others, making him look stupid in such a situation. While Goombario was standing on the railing on one foot, pointing to the couch with his other. As you can imagine, he fell off pretty quickly. As for the rest, Mario blamed Bombette, Bombette blamed Kooper, and Kooper blamed Mario.

Several minutes of arguing, and waiting for Goombario to climb the HUGE stairs...

"Let's-a open this door." Mario tried to open the door, but a large Boo appeared out of nowhere with a ghostly noise, then dissapeared just as quickly. Mario just tried again, and the door opened. Kooper just looked at the door with an annoyed face. "Jeez. That was scary and stupid at the same time." Everyone else just nodded their agreement, albeit with Goombario and the cowardly mail-paratroopa, agreeing on just the scary part, while Bombette & Mario agreed on just the stupid part.

"Seriously, those stairs are huge. Each step is as tall as you, Mario!" The severely injured Goomba said, having recently gotten up the stairs, while the others, tried to bargain with a Boo guarding a treasure chest. "I-a don't-a believe you-a." Mario said, since he, like the others, sans Goombario, had never seen the stairs as they had never had to climb them, so far. "No luck." Kooper said, walking over to Mario.

"Did-a you-a try-a beating-a him-a up?" Mario asked Kooper. "Yeah, but he just made himself transparent. Little bitch." "I heard that!" The Boo called out. "So? What are you gonna do? Beat us up from over there?? Ha!" "Damnit. Stupid treasure chest." Then the guarding ghost just grumbled while everyone else left the room, and headed towards the next room.

Inside the second room of the second floor which was reached in second place in a very high amount of seconds...

"Hey, look! More antiques!!" Goombario pointed out with glee. "Well-a, I'm-a not-a sitting-a on one-a of-a those!!" "Why would you, you idiot? They're armoires, and besides, no "mischevious" ghost would be cruel enough to put a spring trap that close to the ceiling!" Kooper said.

Parakarry, for once, had been paying attention, and spoke in response to the conversation of the others. "So they're safe to touch then! Whee! Poke." The armoire started shaking, & everyone but the poker got the hint and ran, leaving it to fall on Parakarry and crush him, before rising back up on it's own.

The squashed Paratroopa rose an index finger to point ceiling-ward. "I am now in alot of pain, & scared of armoires." "_I_ still think they're awesome." Goombario countered, before poking it from the side. It then fell again, same way, same direction, same poor Paratroopa mailman.

"I'm-a going to-a poke this middle-a one since-a it's coloured-a differently-a! Maybe-a it will fall-a on Parakarry-a, too!"

Goombario spoke to his partners, covering his mouth with one foot. "Judging by pattern recognition, and the fact that it's stuck between two other cabinets, I'm assuming it's going to fall forward." Kooper countered with. "But it's a different colour/shade/whatever, so maybe something different will happen." "That makes no sense." Goombario and Bombette said in dead-pan voices.

And so, poke Mario did, but nobody was correct. Unless Parakarry guessed this, which I doubt. Instead, several Boo's flew out of the doors in the upper section then formed a circle with one in the center.

Mario screamed and pointed a finger. "AHHH!! GHOSTS!!" "No, we're Boo's. And pointing is rude." Responded the Boo in the center of the circle. "Silly-a ghost. Ghost's aren't-a made-a out of alcohol." "Uhh, never mind."

Then the Boo pulled a record out of his body. "Shouldn't I-a have-a been able-a to see that-a inside-a your body, since you're-a a ghost?" Mario questioned. "Ummm. My species of "ghosts" aren't naturally transparent. So, no. You shouldn't have." "Ghosts have-a species now?" The Boo just got angry and yelled, unwillingly retaining it's smile. "Just shut up and let me get to the game explanation!!"

Mario and Parakarry clapped their and hands and jumped up and down like schoolgirls, obviously giddy from this angered announcement. "Game!? Oh, goody!" Then they noticed their unified speech. "Don't copy me! Grrr!" A fight cloud then appeared to showcase the two fighting, their main "weapon" being poking the armoires to make them fall down, several times poking the non-falling one in frustrated succession.

"Anyway, since those guys won't be playing for now, I'll just start the spooky explanation now. Ahem. _Whooooo, if you want this _record_, you will have to beat up whoever is holding it._" Then the Boo hastily tossed the record too one of the other Boos circling him, his expression showing panic. "HEY!! DON'T GIVE IT TO ME!" "It's part of the game, wuss!" One of the other Boo's called to him while continuing his circling.

"Fine, you have it!" He promptly tossed it to the other. The sharp-mouthed one was now not so sharp-mouthed. "I don't want this! Mommy!!" The process of one Boo tossing the record and the catcher panicking continued for a while, while the heroes who weren't fighting watched in amusement.

"So, should we start the game, my love and not-love?" Kooper eagerly asked. "I don't know. Even beating up these pussy-Boos, might not be as fun as watching them panic over a record. Also, shut up before I kill you in an explosion, Kooper." Goombario began speaking, his eyes on the record as if it were a tennis ball, although they occaisonally shifted to the fight cloud. "I agree with Bombette on both her points, the second being that you should shut up, Kooper. But still, the faster we get this over with, the faster we can finish this quest and ditch my former idol." "So, we should get started then?" Kooper asked with a vicious grin. "Yep." Bombette said, sharing Kooper's expression. "Well, then..." Goombario said, now guess what expression his face showed.

The Goomba yelled a simple battle cry of: "ATTACK!!" Then ALL the Boo's panicked, and Goombario began biting the head off of whatever Boo he saw holding the record. Kooper tried shell tossing himself, but this only caused the Boo's to give sighs of relief, since he slid right under them each time.

Unfortunately for the Boos when he realized this ineffectiveness, he began punching, kicking, & headbutting them. Meanwhile, Bombette was blowing them up, one by one, not caring about the record. As you can imagine, any Boo that wasn't unconscious, heavily feared the record, tossing it to whoever was able to catch it, in the hopes that they could somehow win this innocent-turned-cruel game.

Eventually, everyone in the room was lying on the ground, out of breath, Mario and Parakarry from fighting, the Boo's from being beaten, and Goombario, Kooper, & Bombette from beating every Boo in the room, almost into second deaths. Also because everyone stupidly leaned against the falling armoires. Exhausted, Kooper took the record, and Mario held the door open as the others limped out of the room then he walked out, the door hitting him as he himself limped.

"I can't believe it, we're only fifteen minutes into this mansion, after having just healed ourselves, and we're already battered who knew a mansion full of lovely antiques could eventually carry such pained people??" Goombario complained."Yeah-a, all-a the GHOSTS really-a tipped you-a off, didn't-a they, CAPTAIN-A SMARTASS!?""Shut up Mario, they're Boo's and your joke didn't even fit the context." Kooper scolded."Maybe if you and Parakarry didn't fight and poke the armoires so much, we wouldn't be so tired. I can barely light my fuse.""Oh, and you guys DIDN'T waste time or energy. Like how you didn't when, say, you beat the undead crap out of all those ghosts!? And for what!?" Parakarry screamed, throwing his arms up in the air."Shut up, Barry. You know, I just realized we did all that for just a record. And I don't even know what we wanted it for." Kooper said, staring at their prize. "Revenge on those annoying Boo's." Goombario said. "And because we wanted to hurt things." Bombette added. "And from what I heard, for the sake of a game." Parakarry added further.

"Fuck. What's-a wrong with-a us??" Mario mused.

"Anyway. I think I heard that Boo guarding the treasure chest, crying about how he doesn't have any records to play in the record player." Goombario said. "Awww, poor-a guy." "Wow, I don't think I've ever felt sympathy in my life until now, well except towards Bombette." "Wow, same here. I mean the sympathy towards the Boo, not sharing feeling with Kooper." "I think we should go play it for him." Parakarry suggested.

And so, the heroes decided to go put their new possession to use, feeling sympathy for what is probably the first time in any of their lives.

In the room with the record player...

"Oh man, I am so bored! Boo-ooored!" "NEVER-A FEAR, THE-A ANTI-BOREDOM TEAM IS HERE!!" Mario and co burst in, but their entrance was far from spectacular. Mario had shot his fist into the air, which had hit the back of Parakarry's head and knocked him to the ground. Goombario was carrying the record between his teeth, ruining the group's image, which had already been tarnished by Bombette, whom, having no arms or fingers, had tried to stand on her head to do a "V" sign with her feet.

All this got the Boo laughing while Mario sent Goombario and Kooper to man the record player, while the others would pretend to enjoy the fireplace before stealing from the unguarded treasure chest.

At the fireplace...

"Ahhh, what-a a lovely firepl-"BOOM!!" Just as Mario had sat down, the fireplace had given off a small explosion which burned Mario & covered, him Parakarry, & Bombette in soot, the last of the 3 having worsened the experience with her own explosion. Mario could be seen shaking a fist. "Curse-a you, firebending-a fireplace!!"

"Hunh, for once, I can't make a counterpoint to his logic on the actions of an inanimate object supposedly manipulating one of the elements." Goombario commented as Kooper placed the record. This caused a disembodied voice to call out:"Tap A to keep the bar under "OK"."

Goombario donned a confused and creeped out look, then responded. "I have no idea who you are, or what you mean, so we're just going to turn the crank until the music sounds right." And so Goombario did just that.

As the music played, the Boo began dancing to it. "Boo-yah! Par-tay!! Listen to that groovy music play. Time to boo-gey!" While the ghost danced away from the treasure chest and made bad puns, Mario & co. quickly stole the treasure chest and exited the room.

"Okay, did any of you get the treasure chest?" Goombario asked. "I have no arms, idiot." "I was too busy dancing to the music." "I was cranking the handle, and as we know Parakarry was dancing was dancing the day away." Kooper answered, giving a harsh look to Parakarry. "I've-a got it! So don't-a worry. It-a sure is-a heavy, though-a." Mario said.

Kooper held out his arms. "Let me see it. I'm an archaelogist." "No-a you're not, but whatever." Mario handed it to Kooper who was promptly overwhelmed by it, then he opened it.

The blue-shelled Koopa looked at the chests contents dissapointedly. "We did all that just for a weight?" Everyone else was equally dissapointed. "Well that sucks." Bombette said. "It could have some use." Gommbario consoled."Here, Mary. Hold this."

"Kooper, I told you, my name's not Mar-AGGGHH!!" Parakarry, whom been had hovering behind the 2nd floor railing, above the first floor, was sent crashing down onto the first floor.

"WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THE UNREASONABLY HEAVY STUFF!?" "Because we don't want to carry it, Gary!" Kooper called down to his Paratroopa ally while he and the others walked down the stairs.

Parakarry limped over to the eastern side of the room, obviously tired. "Look...wheeze...I'm just going...wheeze...to put this...on the...couch." "Whatever-a." Mario said, completely not caring, yet the only one who cared enough to state a thought on the matter.

In his tired state, Parakarry put the weight on the golden seat, which sent it flying where it hooked onto the chandelier.

"Wheeeeeeeeee!!" "Did I just hear that weight say "Whee"?" Goombario asked. "I don't...know." Bombette resonded.

"Hey, look, there's a door across the room!!" Kooper said, trying to change the creepy subject.

"Yes, we can see that." Parakarry responded. "I'm not talking about the brown door, I'm talking about that white door to the left of it!" The mail-paratroopa looked at Kooper with a dissapointed look on his face. "Well, there's no need to be racist.""How is that racist? They're doors." "Discrimina-" Parakarry said, trying to make a counterpoint, but to no avail. "Shut up before you make yourself look stupider than usual. Anyway, what Kooper means is that that door wasn't there before, or more correctly, it wasn't visible, because it was covered by that recently moved cabinet."

Mario took on a surprised expression "You-a memorized all-a the antiques-a positions-a?" Goombario responded with a smug: "Yep, impressive, huh?""No. Just nerdy." Kooper said, ending the petty discussion.

Bombette was quick to interrupt. "Either way, we should enter it." "Good-a point." And so they did.

Inside the room...

"Hey, look a treasure chest!" Parakarry said, pointing at his discovery.

"Shut up, fairy, can't you see there's a treasure chest there!? In the name of archaeology!!" Kooper yelled in greed-driven ignorance, charging towards "his" find. "That's not even a name!" Called an infuriated Parakarry. "Yeah, but it is an insult that implies homosexuality." Responded Goombario. "What-a name?? In the-a name of-a adventuring plumbers!!" Mario said countering Kooper, while racing him to the treasure chest.

"In the name of intelligence!!" Bombette and Goombario declared, both staying put. They then watched in laughter as Mario & Kooper screamed like little girls as the chandelier almost fell on them, then Goombario and Bombette sighed in dissapointment since the chandelier didn't fall all the way. Mario and Kooper on the other hand, sat down sadly as the trasure chest was already empty.

Parakarry just stared perplexed at the ceiling. "Why are you spacing like that?" Goombario asked, confused for once. "Why wouldn't he be!?" Bombette countered, doubling over in laughter at her own joke. Annoyed, Goombario turned his attention back to Parakarry.

"These people didn't make their death-trap work properly. I've been trying to think of a way to fix it." Then just as the chandelier was about to rise back up, Parakarry ducked into his shell and launched himself at the chandelier's chain, breaking it.

The chandelier fell the rest of the way, crushing Mario and Kooper. This made Bombette laugh even harder as she struggled to say "Wow, didn't know he had it in him." referring to Parakarry. Goombario then nervously poked him with his foot, looking forward with wide-eyes.

Then...

"Mario SMASH!!" The pissed-off plumber screamed, not crushing, but rather, ripping the fallen chandelier in two, and throwing the pieces at Goombario and Bombette, while Kooper pile-drived Parakarry to the ground, and started beating him up, not out of understanding for the situation, but simple disrespect and prejudice towards Parakarry.

"I think I just pissed myself." Goombario said, not in any pain, since Mario's blind rage had caused him to throw the chandelier halves just barely too high, so the plumber was now seething in place, not deadly for the moment. "Too much information." Bombette said with a mostly burnt fuse, and still shocked face, having almost blown up in fear.

5 minutes of explanation and arguing later... The gang is walking down the staircase, all with frustrated expressions.

"This is indirectly your fault you know, Mario." Goombario said, breaking the silence. Goombario quickly & unnessecarily ducked as Mario threw Bombette at him, obviously missing & hitting the wall. Two large screams of "YAHHHHHH!!" could be heard, each for a different reason.

Meanwhile, somehwere else in the mansion...

"Hey, Boo-mer, did you just hear a massive explosion just now?" "No, Boo T., and if I did you would know about it. Don't you remember_ that day_?" "Oh yes, how could I forget it? Still, I just heard something and the mansion seemed to shake." "Well maybe the mansion had an orgasm!" "That's ridiculous! It's inanimate, meaning it's not alive, so how could it!?" "Well it IS a haunted mansion..." "Sigh."

Anyway...Back to our heroes...

"Holy-a hell!! Why-a was-a that explosion so-a huge!?" Mario said, noticing the wall Bombette hit, the wall behind the group, and the staircase they used collapsed as a result of Bombette's massive explosion.

"Explosive build-up. If the instinct of a being with powers says too use those powers, but the instinct is denied, then it results in excess the next time those powers are used." Bombette explained.

"What's that odd smell? It smells like old cheese and fish." Parakarry asked, smelling the air. "Never mind that, it's probably just old stored foodstuffs. More importantly, there's another room beyond the eastern wall Bombette blew up." The Goomba member of the party said, evading a somewhat undesirable topic.

"Avoiding the undesirable topic, there's a library to the east." Kooper said. "Good, then if there's just antiques, we can sell them on e-Bay, and if it's just books, then they may as well be antiques, so that means we can watch Goombario fawn over them and then post it on Youtube." Bombette said."Do you think I'm stupid?? I'm right here, you know, and I can both hear and kill you."

"Goombario me and my love don't think you're stupid. We'd have to be stupid to think you're stupid, since your big, fat ego won't let us put it past us." Kooper retorted in a voice filled with false cheer. Then they headed into the library...

Several minutes of searching later...

"Well, we've found nothing, save for vomit-inducingly bad, yet somehow novelised fanfiction and a star piece which Mario is hoarding like a raven." Goombario summarized, signaling to Mario. "Miiine. All-a miiine."

"Actually, I found a Boo's Portrait." Parakarry called out, holding up his find.

"Gee mister observant, look what we DIDN'T find!" Bombette snapped to Goombario. "Oh shut up. Besides, if I'm correct there's still other stuff left in the mansion since there are doors we haven't gone through yet."

"Oh sure, what are we gonna find, more bad fanfiction, portraits, Boo's, weights, & records?!" Kooper yelled, throwing his arms up in the was equally quick to retort. "Shut up, dumbfuck. It's a mansion, and since there's still stuff lying around it's safe to assume the original owners didn't get the chance to take it with them before they died. Besides, we may as well make our visit worthwhile, if that's possible."

"To assume is to make an ass out of you and me." Kooper quoted and was promptly punched in the back of the head by Mario, as was Bombette.

"Bombette-a, your-a comment was unnessecary, Kooper-a, there was no need to join-a in, the point is-a we found-a the portrait-a, now let's-a go and-a rob this house-a of any of it's-a treasures!" Then Mario proceeded to drag his quarelling, quipping, complaining quartet to the next room.

"Hey look, boxes!" Parakarry declared, quick to notice things. At this, Kooper and Bombette came to their senses just in time to see Mario running towards the boxes, which were more like crates with steel-enforced corners.

"Mario SMASH!!" The boxes went flying through the air and shattered against the wall, having missed Mario's partners whom were alert enough to duck. "Could you please learn the definition of **SMASH**!?" Kooper screamed, hands still over his this got was Mario throwing the other two crates them, missing yet again. Parakarry just quietly, but nervously stored the contents of the crates in his mailbag, despite one being a type of fungi, and the other being an open jar of maple syrup.

"Okay-a, I'm calmed down now. Let's head into the next-a room." And so they did. Upon entry they all verbally surveyed the room, speaking in unison. "Well, this room looks ni-AW GODDAMNIT!! Why did the door just fall on me!?"

"Great, now the door's and and we're trapped, all thanks to your big plan, Goombario." "Gah! I've had enough!!" Then Goombario headbonked Bombette, whom retaliated by exploding.

"Well at least there's a huge treasure chest over there." Kooper pointed out, while Mario headed over to said treasure chest. "You know, it's strange. Why do we always talk in unison if we hate each other so much?" Parakarry pondered aloud. Since Bommbette and Goombario were fighting, Kooper answered. "Because we have synchronized hatred for one another, idiot."

With the two fighting party members: "Look, there could still be treasure here!" "Like what!? Those Boo's that just came out of the treasure chest over there." Bombette quipped, indicating the now freed Boo's. Goombario just attacked her again.

"Hey, they're not totally worthless." Kooper retorted. "Now we have something to take our rage out on." Upon this realization Mario & co. pounded their fists together,(Those who could that is.) and began grinning like murderous psychopaths.

Meanwhile the Boo's assembled themselves and the supposed leader spoke. "Sigh. Now, who do we have to play the catching ga-OH GOD!! Why would my lady make us play the catching game with the same people twice! My felow Boo's, screw these **Super Boots **, the only thing worth protecting with your afterlives right now IS your afterlives!" Then he tossed the bright green boots to another Boo.

"Ready-a guys??" Mario asked. He just barely finished this statement as his partners trampled him and beat every Boo into submission within mere seconds, claimed the Super Boots and won the Boos' little "game". But that didn't stop them from punding the poor ghosts into further unconscience shortly after.

Then...

"THESE ARE THE **SUPER BOOTS**. YOUR JUMP'S ATTACK POWER HAS INCREASED!YOU CAN ALSO USE THE **SPIN JUMP** TO BREAK WOODEN FLOOR PANELS!!" "Oh-a God! Disembodied voice!" "Relax, Mario, it's only instructional." "Oh, good-a."

"Um, excuse me." The possible leader of the Boo's whom were just now beat up appeared next to Mario. "Scattered around the world, there are parts of the ground elevated above normal ground by mere milimeters, & you can use your Spin Jump to flip them into the air and reveal hidden star pieces. In exchange for that info, will you promise never to hurt me & my friends again. _Puh-lee-hee-hee-heasee_!?" The Boo begged with tear-filled eyes.

"Can it-a help me-a save The-a Seven Star-a Spirits?" "Uh... I kinda dou-"Then-a no." The Boo then vanished and re-appeared in a corner of the room to cry and weep while Mario broke the floor panel and his partners followed. Parakarry, however hovered above the hole.

"Don't worry, mister Boo. If I'm correct, we probably won't be coming back here EVER AGAIN." The Boo's eyes lit up and sparkled after hearing this. "REALLY??" "Really." Parakarry responded, smiling. Then he floated down to follow his allies.

Meanwhile, in the room below/the storage room...

"Hello, Mario. I'm Igor, & I'm an asshole, and and I've been instructed not to sell you anything." POW "That's-a for not-a wanting-a to sell me anything, instructions-a or not!" "No need to complai-POW "That's-a for thinking-a I'd-a buy your-a shitty-a overpriced-a goods in the-a first place!" "I'm sure we can talk this over." POW "No-a, we can't. And that's-a for not going-a back to Professor Frankenstein, IGOR." "Oooh..." After the third punch, Igor was now lying across the room, with several of his "store's" items having fallen on him.

Meanwhile, across the room with Mario's partners...

"Hey, a switch, let's press it." Kooper said, not hesitating to hit it nor giving the others a chance to speak.

Goombario looked around. "Huh. Nothing happ-OOF!" Sadly, he failed to look up & was crushed by a second switch that fell from the ceiling.

"Sorry about that buddy." Kooper said, walking over to Goombario and hitting the switch so as to make it disappear and get off Goombario. Yeah, I never did understand why switches disappear after being hit if they're blue.

"Did anyone just hear a narrarator-like voice just now?" Bombette asked. Everyone -including Parakarry who had just now floated down -shook their heads, confused.

Then they were crushed by a gigantic switch. Now back to Mario...

"Huh. I-a wonder what-a that shaking-a was. Oh well, probably nothing-a important." The idiot plumber talked while walking to the eastern side of the room and eating a Maple Shroom made from a Super Shroom & Maple Syrup he stole from the shop's stock."Hey-a guys, where are-a youuuu??" But he quickly lost his focus with something new. "Hey-a what's-a this gigantic-a switch doing here?"

Mario first hit it with his hammer, then began trying equally ineffective thing. Like trying to jump on it, but instead he just hit it facefirst like it was a wall.

"Foot-a-ball armor? On!! Let's-a gooo!!" Mario then tackled the switch wearing armor he presumably stole from a Koopa Footba-Err, I mean Chargin' Chuck. Almost insulted the great Super Mario World there... Anyway, despite the armor, he AND the armor still somehow got flattened on impact.

Next, Mario just tried biting it...

"Why-a am I-a bifing-a thif-a fing!?"

He even tried punching it. It was then that he gained sympathy towards Jackie Chan for all those times he hit a wall with his , he tried lifting it. He managed to get it up an inch...

"Gee-a, I sure-a hope none-a of my-a partners are-a under this-a, it would-a be a real-a shame if I saved-a them."

Then his strength gave in & it fell on his hands. "YEEOWCH-A! MY-A POOR-A TOOTSIES! Oh, wait, my-a tootsies-a are-a my feet." Mario yelled, before recomposing himself in less than a second and assuming a "As a matter of fact" stance.

Then he got an idea...

"Hey, I-a have an idea. Why don't I-a try Spin-a Jumping on it?" So, Mario lept up, landed on top of the switch, and Spin Jumped it. Causing a staircase to appear in the bottom-left corner of the room, and getting the switch off his partners.

"Finally, that switch is off us." Kooper remarked, who was like the others, trying to de-flatten himself.

Mario looked at this in shock. "Wait-a so, I-a saved you?" "Yep." Kooper responded. "GOD-A DAMNIT!!"

"Hey, in case no one noticed, I think when Mario hit that gigantic switch, it made that set of stairs appear." Goombario said."Well, we may as well take it."

And so, they set off to deliver the portrait to it's empty frame, tripping along the way since they were trying to walk, and return themselves to normal thickness at the same time...

At the Boo's picture frame.

"Ahhh, so, you've found it?" "Yeah, it was in the library for some reason." Parakarry stated, scratching his head. "Oh, I must have lost myself down there with the books."

"Dude, you have really bad taste. All those "books" were just bad fanfiction." Kooper said, before Bombette added her tow cents. "Yeah, besides loser, was that supposed to be an explanation or a pun? Because either way, it sucked."

"Look, how about I just take you up to the third floor so, you can get whatever you're doing over with?" The Boo asked. Mario and co agreed, not with much enthusiasm, but not with much reluctance either.

At the third floor...

"Give my regards to my lady. Oh, and how were my books?" "You-a wrote those!?" "Why yes, I did." WHAM! "That's for writing-a such-a bad books!" "Yeah, you conceited egotist." Goombario said, adding to Mario's statement as they headed into the room.

Inside the room...

As soon as they entered the first thing they heard was "GWAH HEE HEE HA HA HA!!"

"Oh, GOD! The disembodied voice has returned!!" Parakarry and Mario said panicking. Bombette blew up in fear, and Goombario tried to cover his entire body with his cap. Kooper, in fear-induced absent-mindedness, tried to hide his shell in his body, rather than the other way around.

Then a light greenish Boo wearing a ribbon and holding a fan appeared. "Oh, relax, you cowards. I'm not disembodied, I'm just undead. You know, a BOO?!" The lady said, while a dull white butleresque Boo kept watch of her.

"Anyway, how were the tests Mario? Were they tough enough??" Bow asked, with a cheeky smile on her face. Mario, and his party members as well, all went red-faced. "YOU-A SET-A ALL THIS UP!?" Mario & co, promptly lept at Bow, and attacked creating a large dust cloud.

But it didn't take them long to realize their mistake. "Wait a second!!" Goombario suddenly shouted popping his head out of the fight cloud. "Where's Bow? Aren't we supposed to be beating HER up?" The others quickly froze, their fists still in the air, then they looked to the corner of the room."Well, well, well, I'll take that as a yes." Bow said cheekily.

"I hate vanishing creatures." Kooper remarked angrily. "I hate ghosts." Parakarry said, biting his nails. "I hate HER." Bombette said, obviously meaning Bow.

"Anyway, I brought you here because I want to make a deal with you." Then a hole opened up in the ceiling, and a cage came down. Everyone then gasped in shock at what, or rather who, they saw.

Goombario did a wild take and pointed with his foot, causing him to fall over. "Holy crap, it's a Star Spirit!" Kooper threw his arms up in rage, flabbergasted. "Why the hell would you capture a Star Spirit, you bitch!?" "I think what we should be asking is how. Star Spirits aren't exactly weaklings you know." Goombario said.

"I'm so glad you asked. GWA HA HA HEE HEE HEE HA HA HA!! Why don't I let him explain for me?" She said, gesturing to the imprisoned Star Spirit.

"Ah, Mario. I'm sorry we must meet in such a dire situation. My name is Scholar."

"Meh, it's-a okay. This'll-a just help-a me get my job done-a quicker." Mario said, waving his hand with his face turned away.

Bow then dissapeared & reappeared right in-front of Mario. "Actually, no it won't, because you guys are going to help me defeat Tubba Blubba." Bow said, butting into their conversation.

All this got was laughs from Mario & friends. "I'm NOT sorry, but that request is as rediculous as the name T-t-tubba Blubba!! Ahahaha, Tubba Blubba!!" Kooper said, falling over in laughter. "Besides, what good reason do we have to help you?" Goombario questioned, chuckling at the name.

Lady Bow rolled her eyes, and retorted. "I have the Star Spirit, duh." Bombette blew up, flabbergasted, then spoke, covered in the ashes of her explosion. "WHAT THE HELL!? You're holding hostage a tool vital to saving the world because of your own problem!? Just give us the Star Spirit!"

"I object to being called a tool!" Skolar yelled from the cage. "Shut up important & respectable celestial entity!" Bombette yelled back.

"Look, alot of my friends have been eaten by this guy, so please help me out!" Goombario, Kooper, Mario, Bombette, & Parakarry just laughed harder. "YOU have friends? Don't lie." Goombario said, pointing with his foot and laughing. "Fine, my slaves were captured. Happy now?" Kooper, who had been holding a lie detector which he pulled out of his shell, and nodded. "Yes, much better."

"Anyway, you're not going to be able to free Scholar, because you've already tried attacking me and that didn't work, and only I have the means to free him." She said, raising a hand, causing the cage hanging from the ceiling to head back up. "Noooo, not back into the darkness!! No, please, no!" Skolar screamed, while the others followed the cage with their eyes as it went back up into the dark hole in the ceiling.

"Besides, I don't care if Bowser takes over the Mushroom Kingdom, because not only will it be in a lovely post-apocalyptal state, but I being undead, will be alive, and you guys won't. So you can either help me, or go fuck yourselves until Bowser unleashes armageddon. Your choice."

"Fine, you strike a hard bargain, but we'll do it." Mario then slapped Goombario across the face. "You-a don't make the decisions around-a here!! We won't-a do it." Goombario kicked Mario's family jewels in retaliation and bit Mario's face.

"Wrong, stupid. I DO make the decisions around here since I'm smarter than everyone in this room combined. Besides, this situation is essentially "Help me or you get the end of the world, and I get to live semi-happily ever after." from the perspective of bitchy-Bow over there." Goombario said, having knocked Mario to the floor, and speaking to him from atop his stomach.

"Okay-a, so tell us about this-a, hee-hee, "Tubba Blubba"." Mario requested. "Well, firstly, he's known around here as "The Invincible Tubba Blubba"."

"THAT'S IT! Screw it, we're going with operation "Go-fuck-ourselves-until-Armageddon"!" Kooper yelled swiping his hand in a refusing motion. Then a douchey voice yelled: "FALCON KIIICK!" His foot landing squarely on Kooper's face.

The douchey voice that was Parakarry who then grabbed Kooper shoulders. "NEED I REMIND OF YOU OUR FATES IF WE DON'T DO THIS!?" Parakarry yelled into Kooper's face in a sudden burst of common sense, and pulling out a picture of their corpses in a barren wasteland with Bow looking & laughing at them.

"I **KNOW**, but if we try to stop an invincible guy, we'll be dead even sooner!" Kooper screamed back, shoving Parakarry off, his eyes wide.

"Look, everyone shut up, and let me speak." Bow said. Everyone did so and turned their attention to her. "Good. Now let's go, I'll explain everything on the way."

"ERM, WHAT!?" Everyone, including Bootler for once, yelled. "I'm joining you, that's what." "Hell, no! THIS was enough but we're not having YOU with us!!" Bombette screamed."I hate to admit it, but I most definitely agree with these hooligans, my lady, even if I can allow it, by my duty to the ancestors, I must protect you!" Bootler said, holding his monocle off his face. Bow just slapped him with her fan.

"NO! I'M 16 CENTURIES OLD NOW! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT, AND I WILL, SO **FUCK OFF, BOOTLER**!!" "Now, it's settled. I'm going with you guys!"

_"Bow joined your party!! Doot-da-doot-doot-da-do!" _A disembodied voice chimed. "WHAATT!?" Everyone but Bow yelled, since Bow was just smirking.

"I-a hate my-a life even-a more now."

5 minutes later outside, the mansion...

"So, what's the story on Tubba Blubba, and what can you do? Since you're a part of the party?" Goombario asked."Well, as for me, I can make you guys invisible & transparent so that enemies and traps can't see or touch you." As they stopped at the gate, Bow talked to what seemed to be the air, telling it to open the gate, then two Boo's appeared, and opened said gate.

Grinning they held the gate open, then Mario pointed at them, "Try-a it, & you'll end-a up like-a your friends over-a there in-a the courtyard." He said, pointing to the courtyard. The Boo's then lost their grins & tightened their Mario & co walked through the gate, the scenery quickly changed from forest to gulch.

"Uhm, does anyone notice the sudden change in scenery?" Parakarry inquired. "Too busy getting knowledge about my enemy to increase my power level, because knowledge is power." Goombario said, listening intently to Bow. Kooper was besotted with Bombette, Bombette was trying to drown out Kooper, & Mario didn't care.

As Parakarry had noticed, the scenery was very fitting for a gulch, yellowish ground, howling wind, and patches of grass scattered about... Anyway, now that you've heard that little ramble, let's get back to the plot shall we?As everyone walked around, engrossed in whatever, they were engrossed in, a few of them took notice of a windmill, and some Hyper Goombas took notice of them.

"Geevis,lookitthoselosersoverthere!Heheh." One of the Hyper Goombas said, rushing his speech as Hyper Goombas do. His friend Geevis responded equally quickly, if not quicker, unlike how I narrarate. "Let'skill'em,Gutthead!!"

They quickly bunched together and screamed at the top of their lungs. "HYPERGOOMBA..." After saying that, and actually pausing after speaking, they began glowing, with their glowy colour fading in & out.

This succeeded in getting Lady Bow's attention and an angry scream from her. "Hey, keep it down, over there!! I'm trying to talk to this Goomba!!" But obviously, the Hyper Goombas paid her no mind. **"HYPERATTACK!!" **"What the...?"

They then crashed full force...Right into the ground. Goombario finally turned in their direction and looked at them. "Geez, stupid Hyper Goombas. You guys need to calm down. Come on." He said, hastening his movement, but not before saying "Here have this, for your own goods you stupid caffeine addicts." He then pulled two cups of decaf coffee out from the hammerspace under his hat, then kicked them towards the two Hyper Goombas.

"GAHHHH!!HOTHOT!SOHOTITHURTS!!" As you can imagine, the coffee, decaf or not scalded them, and then the two Hyper Goombas ran in pain.

"What was that all about?" Kooper asked, no longer in his a lovestruck daze. As he said this he and the others walked past the windmill, while a third Hyper Goomba, just flew around at a high speed, 3 seconds later crashing into the windmill.

"Meh, just a Hyper Goomba." Goombario said. "They act like they were born with caffeine in their blood. Or in layman's terms: Really hyper. Hence their name." "Oh." Kooper responded, or I guess, half-responded.

At that point, they entered a village full of Boos. As you can guess, Mario & Bombette were giving them all the evil eye, Parakarry and Goombario were scared out of their wits, Kooper was staring at Bombette and Lady Bow was holding her head high.

"Hey, Stanley, look it's Lady Bow. Y'know that Boo you have a crush on?" A random Boo said to another named Stanley who looked just like him. "Oh shut up, I am no-" "So, denying your one-sided "love", you perv?" Bow said, because apparently, she and the others had just gotten there.

"Uh, no. No, my lady, I am no-OW!" Lady Bow just slapped him several times, not needing to say the words "Shut up, Stanley.". But she still spoke anyway. "THAT'S for looking at me in the shower!" "But I never did tha-OWW!" "You don't even have a show-OWWW-HA-HA-OW!! My lady please stop th-" But yet again, Stanley was once again interrupted, but this time by something far louder than slapping.

THUMP. "Oh no, Mario you have to hi-OWW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" "I just like slapping you. GWA HA HA HEE HEE HAW HAW HA!" Bow laughed.

"Bow, stop slapping Manly, there's a giant invincible-looking guy who probably eats ghosts and has a name that consists mainly of "ubba" and variations of that sound." Kooper said. "So close, yet so far." Goombario muttered under his breath.

Stanley quickly yelled to everyone in panic "OH NO! That's obviously Tubba Blubba! Quick, Mario, everyone, HIDE!! Lady Bow, hide Mario! Mario, press Down C to get her to make you transparent!!" Stanley yelled, not even bothering to look behind him or listen to what I said. Mario and Bow just looked at each other and shrugged.

Now the reason I mentioned how he didn't bother to look behind himself was because while everyone, by this point, including Mario and co., had become transparent, Tubba Blubba had just walked in and had his eyes on Stupidley over here.

"Mmmm, just what I needed a snack! Hmm, I wonder why I came here if I like to eat Boo's though? There's plenty of Boo's around here, so I don't know WHY I would come here for a snack." He muttered idiotically to himself. Stanley finally turned around and then trembled in fear, stuttering the blockheaded behemoth's name. Then Tubba Blubba picked him up, causing Stanley to flail his arms, before being thrown down Tubba Blubba's mouth & into his throat.

Then Tubba Blubba started choking. After a series of coughs, and rolling around the village, wrecking it, and finally swallowing the Boo who obviously had ample time & opportunity to make himself transparent & flee, Tubba Blubba commented on his meal.

"Huh. Tangy, but good. Yep, spicy & bitter, but he still tasted really bad. Bleah." Then Tubba Blubba walked away, leaving the village and shaking the ground. Then everyone revealed themselves, and began panicking and screaming about how Tubba Blubba just ate Stanley, yet all the Boo's still retained their normal, _non-panicking _faces.

"I think we should _leave_." Goombario whispered to the others. "Yeah, these-a guys seem-a a bit crazy-a." Whispered Mario in response. And so they proceeded into the next section of the Boo village...

"Gee, I'm sure glad none of the others have gotten eaten lately." One Boo muttered to himself. "It was bad that Tubba Blubba came by, but at least my best friend, Stanley is okay." That's when Mario & co. went by...

"Actually-a, Stanley-a just got-a eaten." "NOOOOOO!!" Mario & company just laughed at the Boo, now crying at the realized loss of his best friends, his face grinning, yet still sad enough to beg pity. Then our so-called heroes walked away, still laughing.

East of the Boo village, in Gusty Gulch...

"So did you guys see that Tuba Blubber guy?" Kooper asked, not really focusing on the subject. "_See _him!? Me & my friends' recent lives have been nothing _but being terrorized _by him!!" Bow yelled. "Yeah, yeah, that's great. So you DID see him, then." Kooper said.

"So? What's your point? Were you looking for a weak spot?" Goombario inquired "No, it's just that...Well, did any of you guys notice how FAT he was?" Everyone but Kooper facefaulted. "WHAT-A DOES-A HOW FAT-A HE IS HAVE-A TO DO WITH-A ANYTHING-A!?""Did you & Parakarry swap brains recently?" Bombette snarkily asked. "I take offense to that!" "Good." "Anyway, he sort of has a point. On the subject of that guy's body, I noticed a large patch on his stomach. Maybe he had surgery recently." "Nope-a, they didn't-a swap brains." Mario said, answering Bombette's question.

Of course, by now, you'd think that something more interesting than talk about an invincible fat guy would've happened. And it did.

Somewhere else in the gulch, two enemies were talking among each other on a somewhat more interesting subject...

"Hey, Harry. Look at those losers." "Yeah, Hal. They totally need to get some caffeine in their systems." "Well, then let's get some in them. BY RAMMING INTO THEM!!" "Yeah!! Totally!" Then the two who I'll introduce to you as Hyper Clefts began glowing in rainbowish colours.

Mario noticed them & screamed like a little man. Because that's what he is. "Hey-a, gay-a clefts! We-a don't want-a anything-a to-a do-a with your-a homosexual-a activities-a!" "FUCKING CHARGE!!" "But, Hal. We're already charged up." "YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, STUPID!!" "No, I don't." "JUST RAM INTO THEM!!"

And so, the Hyper Clefts charged. "I-A SAID, WE-A DON'T WANT-A ANYTHING-A TO DO-A WITH IT!!" Mario then dodged and sent them flying through the air in a direction with his hammer.

Harry then screamed like a little rock as he flew through the air with Hal. "Gertrude, my love! Watch out!!" The Hyper Goomba this was addressed to addressed this addression. "Wha? Lemme' turn up my hearin' ai-"SMASH!!I'm pretty sure you can imagine, what or rather, who smashed into her. Surprisingly though there was still enough momentum to send them ricocheting off poor old Gertrude.

Now, if you've ever played pinball, and you had a bird's eye view in this story, you could watch quite an amusing sight.

"HAROLD, WATCH OUT!!" Harry and Hal were ricocheting off scenery like pinballs, crashing into their neighbors along the way. Their momentum being kept by their very neighbors themselves, who were also Hyper Goombas & Hyper Clefts. This meant that Harry would go flying then...

"Must protect self!" Harold charged up, and slammed the two off in a new direction. This process repeated until everyone but Mario & friends was knocked out from trying to keep themselves from joining the cycle, which probably would've been safer in the grand scale anyway.

Back with Mario...

"I hate this gulch. It's so dry, and dull, and windy. It may be almost as bad as the desert." "Oh-a, you're always-a complaining-a, Goombario. If you-a wante to-a adventure-a with me, you should've been-a ready for-a this." Mario said as they ventured through the second path, while Parakarry picked something up.

The item looked like a blue spiral, with the spiral crunched together. Parakarry stared at it, then his eyes circled several times before he fell to the ground, and began walking awkardly with crossed eyes. The object's back read: "Dizzy Dial, copyright Beatem' Down corporation. Made in China."

Kooper, who had been silently watching this, sighed and began dragging Parakarry after putting what looked like a tube of blue toothpaste into his shell. Shortly, after everyone arrived, and tired at Tubba Blubba's Castle.

Kooper arrived on the scene last, looked at it, and gave his intro. "Well, here we are. Rub Bubba's Castle." POW! Goombario then kicked him in the groins. "Know your enemy's name at the very least, stupid." Meanwhile, Mario was acting freaked out by a Save Block he had hit which caused the disembodied voice to appear again.

The plumber was shaking his fist in rage towards the sky. "Leave-a me alone-a, you-a stupid voice-a!" The voice was paying this anger no mind. "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAVE?" "NO-A I-A WOULD NOT-A LIKE TO-A SAVE!! And save who anyway-a?" "Just enter Double Bubble's castle already, we're tired of waiting." Kooper yelled over in annoyance, then he got kicked in the groins again courtesy of a certain intellectual Goomba.

Finally, after Kooper getting Tubba Blubba's name wrong 5 more times and getting his usual reprimanding from Goombario, plus lots of arguing among everyone, they finally entered the massive castle.

"Wow. This castle sure is huge, I mean look at it! THIS is just the lobby!! And it looked like, from outside, this place is on a cliff. I'm surprised it doesn't fall off." The Paratroopa of the party remarked in astonishment."Stop reminding of how much danger we're in. You're scaring me." Bow said, gaining confused looks towards her. "What, an invincible, super-strong, giant, blue guy who has his own gigantic castle with guards & eats your friends and wants to eat you who all just so happen to be ghosts isn't scary?" Everyone thought about this for a moment, then shuddered.

That's when an annoying noise interrupted their fearful moment. "Beeyo-weeow-weeow-weeow..." "What-a the hell is-a that?" Then the creature making the noise sped up in both audio pace, and movement pace. "Hey, what-a the?!"

Mario was now outside the castle, having been thrown out. Now brushing himself off, he paid little attention to his allies exiting via the front gate.

"BOO!" "Mama mia!" Don't-a scare Mario-a like-a that!" "Haha. Coward. Lady Bow chuckled. "Anyway, Mr. Scaredy-Pants, don't you think it would be useful in that lobby to be invisible?" "No. Now shut up & leave me alone." Mario said, and headed back into the castle.

The alarm sounded, and Mario was thrown out, landing on Goombario. "Yeah, it really would be fun to be invisible & fool those guards." Bow commented, seemingly to herself. Mario ran dismissed this & went back in.

Mario was once again thrown out by the strange UFO thing, this time landing in Parakarry's mail bag. "Mario, I am a mail-Paratroopa, but your package is to be kept out of my mailbag, and your legs do not say "THIS SIDE UP". Please get out." Parakarry said. Mario obeyed these instructions, but not before hearing the following:

"I wonder if there's a way to become INVISIBLE." Said You-Know-Who. Mario went in got thrown out, landed on Kooper & knocked him out of his shell, and then... "Hey, I think I may have an idea on how to become _INVISIBLE_!!" "Stop-a bothering me."

Once more, Mario was thrown out & then... "DAMNIT MARIO, JUST BECOME INVISIBLE!!" "AND-A HOW-A HELL-A DO YOU-A EXPECT-A ME TO DO-A THAT!?" "USE MY POWERS, DUH!!" "Oh."

And so, Mario, Bow, & the others went inside and used Bow's powers to hide from the guards.

"Wow. Nice lobby. Although it's kinda huge." Parakarry remarked, as they went through the left door in the lobby. "Well, it has to be large." Pointed out Goombario. "Tubba Blubba himself is huge." Bow immediately tried to silence them. "Shhh. Don't speak so loud! You'll wake up one of the Clubba guards." She then pointed to a Clubba who was sleeping against a wall. "Oh. Sorry." Parakarry said.

"Whuh? WHO'S THERE! Is that you mom? Are you here to take me home??" The Clubba apparently had very good hearing, but was obviously not someone who got up quickly. "Gah! Intruders!!" Then the Clubba attacked.

"Go-a back to bed." Mario said, grabbing the Clubba's weapon & knocking him out. Then, Mario & co began walking through the hallway, along the way, Mario lost the club after throwing it towards a spider on the fragile, old ceiling.

Soon, Mario & his entourage(Sort of.) arrived in a room with a gigantic table in it. "Wow, just imagine all the dinner you could it up there. King Harkinian would love this room." Parakarry said to himself aloud, his eyes darting aorund in awe, occaisonally hitting the bullseye and earning him 100 was the only one paying attention to Parakarry since Kooper was helping Mario fight for once, & Bow & Bombette were talking amongst each other. "King who? Never mind. Still, I have to agree, this room's ceiling is incredibly high, this castle is enormous."

"Yeah, I guess it is. I'm just surprised that a castle this big isn't using it's size to hold giant monsters..." The winged Koopa said, shuttering at the mention of monsters.

"Don't be ridiculous, Parakarry. You act stupid enough as it is." Goombario said as Mario beat up another Clubba who had come running down the hallway screaming something in Japanese.

Soon, they were travelling up stairs and avoiding or killing guards. You would think that Mario would avoid the ones that threw him out, and kill the Clubbas, but really, it just depended on how he felt. Often times he would just use Bow's powers to give the UFO-bouncer-things surprise beatings, & sometimes he would avoid the Clubbas, usually because they drooled in their sleep ALOT.

And so, they continued along through the castle. Goombario complaining all the way as they climbed staircase after staircase.

"Oww. My legs hurt! This castle is too huge & I'm tired!" "Shut up, Gommbario! For the last time I'm NOT carrying you." Came an angry yell from the blue-shelled Koopa directly behind Mario, and ahead of everyone else.

Kooper was equally tired of the castle and his face was red with annoyance. "The only one here I'll ever carry is my dearest Bombette!"

"And I'll never let YOU carry me!" Bombette yelled, interrupting their arguement. "In fact I wouldn't let you, even if I was as tired as Weaky McWeakling over there!!"

"Shut up! My head is as hard as stone! I'm no weakling!!" Goombario yelled to Bombette, his voice filled with annoyance. "Well, at least we can agree that you're _hardheaded_." Bombette snapped back.

Mario ground-pounded the edge of a large piece of fragile wood on the floor and broke it. "All-a of you shut-a shut up and-a jump down this hole I just made-a in the floor!!"

Everyone thought aloud about this to themselves. "Mutter, mutter mutter." Then they jumped down to find themselves in what looked like a cellar. In this room was a Boo, a treasure chest, a heart block, and a door as the exit.

The ghost turned his attention to the tired group. "Oh, thank goodness! Someone's here! And Lady Bow too!" Everyone just muttered, too exhausted and cranky to say anything.

Let's have a look into what they're thinking as this Boo yammers on, shall we?

_"I-a wonder if you can get money-a from-a mugging a ghost-a?"_ Mario wondered.

_"Why is this non-intellectual attempting to converse with me and/or my cohorts?"_

_"So...Tired. I need a coffee...Or a Red Bull. Wait. I don't wanna be a Paratroopa." _Kooper said running low on breath.

_"Seriously. I should blow up this talkative, conceited motherf-er."_

_"Why is this no-class Boo citizen talking to me, a Boo Princess?"_

Finally, let's look into Parakarry's mind._ "STOP READING MY MIND!!"_

That's when they noticed a heart block, and everyone rushed for it.

After getting healed, they exited the room, and came to another hallway filled with staircases.

If by some freakish incident, you were in that hallway at that time, you would've heard a unified, groaning. "OHH."

Then, their moods shifted again when they saw a Super Block.

Bombette looked at, her mood mildly interested. "Hey, that's an interesting turn of events." Mario looked at it, also interested. "Another-a thing I can't-a use." Ahem. I said you were _interested_. "What-a the hell-a do-a banks have-a to do-a with this?" Never mind.

Goombario looked at it with-"No interest." Oh. Okay, Kooper looked at it with great focus. In Kooper's mind _"Ah hah hah hah, soon Bombette will have fallen into the depths of SLEEP and then my evil plan will be at it's climax!!"_

Okay, I give up. It was ironically just then that the last 2 members of the party rushed for the Super Block. "MINE!!" "Screw you Parakarry! I'm a ghost princess! Anything that good should be mine!!" Bow then smacked Parakarry into dizzyness and hit("Hat"? "Hitted"?) the Super Block.

"What th-GWAAAAAGHH HEE HEE HAW HAW HAAAA!!" Bow's face turned devilish and for a moment looked as scary as a Boo would be made to be in a seriously done "R" rated movie. Obviously, everyone else, and not just the other party members; EVERYONE in the castle was scared out of their wits and into paralysis.

Somewhere in the castle, a Clubba woke up screaming and promptly smashed his bed, and closet with his club, apparently checking for monsters, despite the fack that they would either be dead from the club hitting them, or to scared to scare having heard Bow.

Meanwhile, Tubba Blubba was now shivering in his sleep, had the covers over his entirety, and had begun alternating between sucking on BOTH his thumbs and sleep-screaming at the tops of his lungs.

Anyway, getting back on track, without further ado, or any more tedious procastination...

"I HAVEN'T FELT THIS GREAT IN 1000 YEARS!! Man, I love those things. It feels like power is just SERGING through me!"

Kooper stared for 5 whole seconds and finally said something as the others stared from behind "I am scared for once in my life." "BOO!!" "AHHHH!! D-don't scare me like that, Goombario!" Then everyone but Bow refocused their attention on laughing to avoid thinking about the horror they just experienced. Bow just laughed instinctively, however.

Now, skipping over their recompositions, soon they were walking over more stairs, they found some items, and they became quite tired & confused fairly quickly. Soon, they arrived in a room directly above the room with the gigantic table...

"Hey, we're in the room directly above the gigantic table!" Goombario verbally stated, obliviously ignoring the fact that he was redundantly pointing out the obvious.

"So, what, you stupid genius?" Bow asked, her voice filled with annoyance, despite the grin on her face that all Boos have.

"So, that table, and that clock over there are antiques!" "Hmm, doens't-a something-a about that clock-a seem suspicious??" Mario pondered, scratching his chin so hard he would've hurt himself had he not been wearing gloves.

"Let's just ignore it, I want to beat up Tubba Blubba." Bow said, uninterested. "No-a thanks. BOB-OMB CHUCK!!!" Mario picked up Bombette and prepared to throw her.

Obviously Bombette protested to this idea. "NO!! NOT THIS TIME!! I'M NOT BLOWING UP JUST BECAUSE YOU THROW ME INTO SOMETHING YOU F-ING ASSHOLE!!!" "Fine-a, I won't throw you. But you're-a the stupidest-a person I've ever met-a.""WHAT!?!" Bombette lit her fuse, and Mario smiled, then he threw her. "GODF-INGDAMNIT!!!" Was heard before she annihilated the clock and burned most of the area surrounding it in her explosion.

And, lo and behold, there was a non-explosion-created hole in the wall. "I knew it was a good idea." Mario & Goombario said at the same time, then their eyes met & they began fighting eachother over who's line was stolen while everyone else walked in.

Inside the room, there was a massive bed and equally massive furniture. Parakarry noticed a hole in the wall of THIS room & flew in, while Bow & Kooper began fighting over the money left on the bed, which was only 10 coins. Goombario, pulled the drawers open with his mouth while he examined the drawer.

5 minutes later, outside the room that they agreed was a bedroom...

"I hate Mario." Bombette muttered, as Mario threw a sleeping Clubba down the gap in the center of the floor down to the gigantic table room below.

"We know. You've said it 10 times already." Bow complained rolling her eyes. While she did this, Mario smashed the lock on the door into two pieces with his hammer. "Actually, my love has only said it 9 times." Kooper said, defending Bombette. "Quiet. I'm a ghost princess." Bow countered, smacking Kooper.

Soon, after a large period of walking & talking, by which I mean chasing & beating each other & everything else senseless, they returned to the lobby...

Obviously, the spaceship-guard thingies saw Mario. "BeeO-WeeOW-BeeO-Weeow!!" "SHUT-A UP, YOU STUPID...WHATEVER-A YOU ARE!!" "BeeO-WeeOW-BeeO-Weeow!!" "I-A SAID SHUT UP!!" Then Mario whacked all 4 of them to death, and opened the lock with the key he had.

Mario looked on, and saw several Clubbas as he stared down the all too long hallway, which ended at a set of stairs which would turn around and lead them to right above their entrance.

"Ohhhhh..." "Honestly, it's like this castle was built to be tedious." Bombette complained. Parakarry zipped around the room. "Tedious? Does that mean the same thing as fun?"

"No. It means to ride a rollercoaster with an umbrella made of pancakes." Goombario sarcastically quipped, rolling his eyes. Bow looked at Goombario, annoyed. "Seriously, your bad joke just made this place even worse." Parakarry zipped over everyone's heads just then. "Wheeeee!" Kooper struck his fist up into the air and shook it in rage. "CAN'T YOU STAY QUIET FOR ONE MINUTE!?"

And so, they continued their tiresomely, tedious trudge through the terrible terrorizer's treacherous territory. But let's stop looking at them for a while.

A Clubba who was uniquely attired in a shirt that said "Clubba 1" spoke to an ally of his. "Hey, Clyde. How come we're still so fat?" The other Clubba who was also wearing a shirt, however, this one said "Clubba 2". "I dunno, Carl. We've been working out and all, and Tubba Blubba hasn't fed anyone ANYTHING for years."

"This is wierd. But it's cool, it's like we can never die of starva-OOMPH!!" If you're wondering about the "OOMPH", that was Carl's response to Mario and company trampling him.

The group of 6 rushed towards a room and broke down the door, with Kooper entering last. "WHERE ARE YOU, TUB OF BLUBBER!?" Incidentally, he had knocked over the others upon entry, the only one still up being Bow who slapped Kooper across the face with her fan. Then they all got up.

"REMEMBER HIS NAME, DUMBASS!!" This was the utterance everyone except Kooper & Mario screamed to Kooper. Mario hadn't joined in because he was busy vandalizing the castle by breaking some wooden floorboards that had been covering up holes in the floor.

Goombario noticed, and looked around. "Hey, where's Mario?" "Who cares?" Bombette said rolling her eyes. Although no one had any time to celebrate because Mario had just come crashing through one of the other 2 floorboards and had hit the ceiling.

One floor above...

Tubba Blubba was aimlessly walking about the hallway when something red with white spots, eyes, & no mouth appeared out of the floor, like an item appearing out of an item box. "Huh? A mushroom..." Tubba Blubba sat down and thought for about 15 seconds, hmmming to himself.

"IMMA GONNA _EAT _IT!!" And so he did. Tubba Blubba ate the Super Mushroom(Yeah, they know already.) and grew to even larger proportions.

"Yay!" Tubba Blubba then began to stand up. "I'm BI-OW MY HEAD!" Having been just about to declare his current status, he had stood up and his body had been too big for the hallway, and so he had hit his head on the ceiling, somehow hurting his invincible self and shrinking back down to normal size.

"Stupid mushroom." He muttered.

Back to Mario & co....

Mario was reminiscing to himself. "Stupid-a mushroom. I should've known not to try to use mushrooms to please-a Princess Peach."

Kooper was talking to himself. "Stupid mushroom. Goombario thinks he's so smart."

"I _am_ the most beautiful thing in the world!!" And Bow was bragging to herself, somehow having gotten ahold of a mirror.

The 6 crossed a bridged in the castle & entered a hallway with plenty of stairs, Parakarry flew up above the stairs, Bombette walked up them, and Goombario hopped up them, feeling like a change of pace, although you'd think he wanted a change of species considering that he was hopping like a frog.

Everyone else, just tripped and landed face first when they tried to walk up the stairs, having been too distracted with themselves. Soon, they entered a door at the top of the stairs.

They were in yet another corridor, but they weren't complaining, they were panicking. And if you have to guess, you're an idiot. They were panicking because Tubba Blubba was waiting in the middle of the hallway.

"Hey! It's my friends...Uhhh..." The big blue blockhead began to drool, his eyes having rolled over. After a long minute which was spent by most who weren't mentally retarted checking non-existent watches, he resumed his sentence.

"Who are you, again?" Finally, the 6 let their hands go, which had been trying to deny them for a whole minute, and they all slapped their own foreheads so hard they knocked themselves over. Goombario somehow managed this as well, and Bombette exploded in pain & anger when she hit herself.

"Awww, you hit yourselves. You must really hurt now." Tubba Blubba quickly realized what he was supposed to do.

The others got up & stared, dazed & confused, as if they had been drugged that grew out of bricks or castle floors.

"Who wants a _hug??_"

**"...OF DEATH!!!!" **Tubba Blubba's eyes had turned red, the background had darkened and lightning was striking in the background.

Everyone, exchanged glances. Then Mario opened his mouth. "**RUN-A!!!**" They immediately bolted for the door opposite them, and crashed right into Tubba Blubba.

"Die!!" Tubba Blubba lunged for them. "Eep!" Thankfully, however, Bow quickly made herself invisible...and everyone else, too. "Where'd dey go? Maybe they're playing peekaboo?" Tubba Blubba scratched his head and walked to the door they entered from, going right past their invisible & transparent bodies.

As soon as he was a safe distance, Mario waved. "Bye-bye!" Bow, Kooper, & even Parakarry smacked their foreheads. "There you are!!" The group of 6 ran across the hall and crashed into a locked door.

"Crap! It's locked!! What do we do!?" Kooper yelled, biting his nails between words. "Look, there's another door over there!" Parakarry said, pointing. "Who-a cares!?" "We do you idiot!!" Bow yelled, smacking Mario with her fan.

And so they ran into the unlocked door...

"Zzzzz..." "Zzzz..." "Zzzzz..."

"Oh, crap." Kooper whispered in astonishment. Everyone else's eyes were filled with an equal amount of horror.

"There must be fiftyteen of them!" Parakarry loudly whispered. "FIFTeen." Bow corrected. "That's what I said!" He whispered in response.

"Let's-a just walk-a quietly to-a that key at the other end of-a the room." Mario whispered, pointing to a green key at the other end of the room.

And so they did, tiptoeing carefully. Several times they almost tripped and had to catch each other, giving priority to Bombette.

They stepped on to the pedestal holding the key, and Mario picked it up... He whispered to everyone happily & loudly. "Hooray-a! I-a got i-

**DO-DA-DA-DOOOOOOOO!! **The noise boomed throughout the room and woke up all 15 Clubbas. Who immediately started looking around frantically and speaking.

"Who wake up?" "Who wake up?" "Who wake up?" "Wake up who?" "Wake wake wake up." "Waka waka waka." Their gibberish soon merged with itself and they soon sounded like a herd of primates.

"Does ANYONE understand what's going on?" Goombario asked, obviosuly creeped out, his back to the wall. "If you don't know, then none of us do." Bombette said, equally intimidated by the Clubbas.

Then one pointed to Mario & co. "Uh oh." "They wake up." "They wake up." "They wake up." "They WAKE UP!" "They up!" "Key up." "Key up!" "Key up!!" "Key upppp!!" "They beat up!!" "We beat up!" "We beat up they!!"

"I think we're screwed." Kooper said. "You think or you know?" Parakarry inquired. "In-a this situation, it doesn't matter." Mario interjected.

Without movement, emotion or intelligence, one Clubba uttered one word. "Attack." Mario responded by not responding to him. "Guys-a, run."

And run they did, Goombario smashed through the door with a headbonk, and rushed to the other end. Kooper opened the door and walked out perfectly calm. "Come on!" Bombette yelled as she blew up the wooden door to the hall.

Parakarry noticed and this and yelled. "Coming." He then charged for the door...And hit the wall. "Coming-a!" Unfortunately, Mario followed his example, crashing into the same place as Parkarry, yet managing to break it with his bodily impact alone painfully & unneccesarily forcing them both through it.

"Owww. My everything hurts." "His everything hurts." The Clubba leading the others barged through the wall. "Make it hurt more!"

"Never mind, I'm all better now!" Parkarry then rushed after his comrades by smashing through the second door with his Shell Shot move and got into the corridor where everyone else was.

By this time, Tubba Blubba had noticed all the commotion. "Hey, you broke my door! You'll pay for that!" He yelled from the other side of the door to those in the corridor leading to his room. "It was an antique!" At this, Goombario began rubbing his body against said door.

After an odd moment of shocked staring, Mario grabbed Goombario by the foot, & he dragged him away. "Hey, a Heart Block. And-a a Save Block." Mario said.

"Ooh, hit me hunky plumber man." The Save Block said, it's voice appearing to come from the block which didn't seem to have a visible way of talking. "Yeah. Never-a mind." Then he hit the Heart Block and restored everyone's energy.

"I swear, those things are soooo addictive." Bombette said with a relieved sigh. Goombario turned to her & responded "I know. They could make hospitals obsolete. If the Mushroom Kingdom had any..."

"Let's-a go!" Mario said with sudden enthusiasm. "Come back, big boy!" The Save Block called to Mario. "Fuck-a you!!" He said with the same entusiasm.

In what you will soon know is Tubba Blubba's room...

Goombario was somehow at the front of the group, and tired from running. "Pant...pant...pant...Need pants." Just then a pair of floating jeans wearing sunglasses with a mouth-zipper appeared."Yeah? What do you want?"

"AHHHH!!" "Never mind then." And the pair of pants disappeared and everyone continued running and just as they reached the corner of the room where they found a treasure chest. Then...

"MOM!! I'm hoooome!" Tubba Blubba barged in through the doors and threw his massive table into & through the castle wall, making a large table-shaped hole in the wall. Then Tubba Blubba charged and jumped onto his equally massive bed and fell asleep like a giant baby, which he kind of is.

Mario & co. just continued to cower in the corner as they had been doing before. Or at least, everyone but Mario did, Mario silently opened the treasure chest, being as quiet as possible, opening the treasure chest too see something that he presumed was a quiet, inanimate object...

The item, apparently a key with facial features floated out of the chest..._** "MASTER, HOW ARE YOU!?!" **_"Oww-a! My-a ears!! What-a was that-a all about!?" "Yeah, you woke the living dead with that!" Bow yelled. "And I was having such a good dream, too!"

"HEY!! None of **you** are my masters! The master of me, Yakkey! None of you are that person! Then that means, you're thieves, aren't you!? Huh!? HUH!? _**HUH!?**_"

"Uhhh. Yes-a and-a no??" Mario asked, dumbfounded by the simple question. "So you ARE trying to find out about the secret that I keep hidden for Master Tubba Blubba in Windy Mill. You're very honest liars. I like in that people."

"Why, thank you. You're very well-spoken, I like that in a key." Kooper said, swelling with pride, his chest puffed up.

Then Yakkey continued his statement...

_**"HELLLLLLLLPPPP!!! MASTER TUBBA BLUBBA!!! THIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEVES!!!"**_

Tubba Blubba sat up in bed and yawned. "Whuh? What is it? Five more minutes, mom!" Yakkey's face quickly filled up with red-hot rage "**FOR THE LAST GODDAMN TIME: I'M NOT YOUR MOTHERRRRRRR!!! NOW HELLLP!! THERE'S **_**THIIIEEEEEVES **_**HERE!!!" **As Yakkey yelled, Mario and his "pals", ran for their life and rushed open the door, charging through the herd of Clubbas from earlier.

Tubba Blubba's eyes suddenly snapped open as the door was closed. "Wait a second...Thieves? THIEVES!?" "Oh no! They stole Yakkey! _**GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID THIEVES!!!**_"

Soon, everyone was at the bridge, unfortunately for Mario, this included Tubba Blubba. "STOP THERE YOU THIEVES!!" Tubba Blubba screamed and lept up to do a ground pound, and he came back down with a literally shattering impact, and broke the bridge into pieces, sending the gang down not to their doom.

"AHHHH! Mama-miaaaa!" Bombette followed Mario's example. "Jerk!! Once you're not invincible, I'm going to blow up your face!!!" Goombario joined in. "You're only hindering yoursellllllfff!!" The genius Goomba called, plummeting to the ground. "OW!" He said, hitting the floor.

"Huh. I wonder what hindering means..." Tubba Blubba wondered to himself. "HEY WAIT!! Those were the thieves!" The big dummy announced to himself. Then he ran off to head down through the castle halls, unlike a certain plumber and a few others who had jumped down to the first floor lobby.

On the ground floor...

"Bee...Ow-weeow...Beeowweeoh..." The falling bridge had crushed the ones below it, which had crushed the lobby's spaceship-thingy guards.

"Haha! Take that. If Whale Blubber over there wasn't after us, I'd be dancing on your graves right now." Kooper said snappily, as he left. As they left Bow could be seen blowing a raspberry.

They opened the door and..."LADY BOW, LADY BOW, LADY BOW!!!!" "WHAT, WHAT, WHAT!?!?" Bow screamed in frustration having been among the party that was knocked to the ground by 6 Boo's rushing to them at high speeds.

"YOU'RE SAFE!! Thank goodness!!" "Yeah, yeah, what!? I MEAN FOR GOD'S SAKE, TUBBA BLUBBA IS RIGHT BEHIND US!!!" She screamed in retort.

The eyes of the Boo leading the others went wide. "Oh no! He is!?" "YOU THINK I WOULD SCREAM ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WASN'T TRUE!? GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY, WE'RE TRYING TO RUN FOR OUR LIVES!!"

"Very well then, we'll hold the door closed to hold Tubba Blubba back!" "Good! You do that! Goodbye! Let's go!" Parakarry hastily said, not wanting to hear anymore of Bow's screaming.

"As the smart guy of the group, and therefore the one you should listen to, I suggest we follow Parkarry's suggestion." Goombario said, but all too late, since the others had already ran off. "Ahh, Goddamnit! Wait for me!" "NO-A! Catch up yourself-a!"

And, so he ran after them...

After Goombario had caught up... "Anyone see Tubba Blubba?" Bow asked. Everyone looked over their shoulders... "OOF!!" "OW!!" "Expletive!" Some said, having tripped over the various clefts lining, the area, and soon, they were rolling up & down the contours like a snowball of flakes who were different in all the wrong ways. Somewhere along the way, they hit a Heart Block in the Boo village, and soon after they trampled several Boo's.

At Windy Mill, two Hyper ParaGoombas were chatting idly...

"HeyheyheyHarold, what'sup,yabored!?" One of them said moving up & down rapidly in the air as he spoke. "Hell yeah, Harry." He said, holding a cup of coffee that was labelled "StarmanBucks". "This decaf does NOTHING for me." He said, twitching, apparently at an imbalance of hyper & calm.

"Heyheylookbehindya!Isn'thatatumbleweed!?Haven'tseenmanyofthoselately,huh?Huh?HUH?" "Yeah, SO IT IS!" Harold said, suddenly shifting from calm & hyper. The tumbleweed rolled down the hill in their direction and...It crashed.

Right into the WINDMILL. "Owww." And as it turned out, Harold & Harry were wrong, it was not a tumbleweed, but a tumble o' weirdos. You should know who they were, especially considering one was a Goomba with a head of steel, who was awfully cheerful having not been harmed. Now let's focus on said Goomba...

"Hey I just remembered something, guys!" "Uhh, shut-a up Goombario. My head hurts worse than it did last-a Christmas." Mario said, punching Goombario from the side of the heap, albeit ineffectively.

"This is Windy Mill, and Yakkey is the key to Windy Mill that holds a secret related to Tubba Blubba!!" Goombario said with an enlightened smile on his face. "I-A SAID SHUT-A UP GOOMBARIO!" Mario said throwing Kooper who had been in his shell at Goombario.

Goombario quickly turned furious and kicked it back into Mario's head. "NO!! YOU SHUT UP!! AND GET UP, TOO! IF YOU TRY TO WAIT THAT HEADACHE OUT, TUBBA BLUBBA WILL COME AND KICK OUR ASSES SO HARD WE'LL VOMIT OUR ORGANS!! NOW STICK YAKKEY INTO THAT HOLE!!" Goombario screamed pointing to the lock at Windy Mill.

Bombette and Bow, having not been paying attention, spoke in unison. "Say what about doing what with WHO?" "Uhhh." Goombario and Mario said in unison, but for different reasons.

Meanwhile with Tubba Blubba...

_**"I SMELL DELICIOUS GHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSTS!! OPENNNNNN THE DOOOOORRR!!"**_Tubba Blubba screamed arms at his side, standing still, not even trying to open his castle's front door.

Outside the door the group of Boo's had their bodies pressed firm against the door. "Alright, guys! This is the 49th time!! SO TRY 49 TIMES AS HARD! FOR LADY BOW!!" "FOR LADY BOW!!" And so they continued their noble but foolish efforts.

_**"I-**_ Just then, a Clubba spoke up. "Uhh. Master Tubba Blubba, perhaps it would work better if you actually tried to open the door." His eyes widened. "Oh yeah! It would." He said, slapping his henchman's forehead. Then he prepared a shoulder charge...

_**"I SMELL DELICIOUS GHOOOOOOOOSSSSSSTS!! OPENNNNNN THE DOOOOORRR!!" **_"Alright guys! 50TH TIME!! SO FIFTY TIM-

Sorry for the interruption, but I just wanted to remind you now as I'm pretty sure, you know ghosts are weightless, just wanted to say this.

SMAAAAAAASHH!!! "GYAAAAAAAHHHH!!" If you hadn't realized it by now, you're an idiot, Boos are ghosts, and therefore, weightless. So those loud noises you heard justy now were Tubba Blubba shoulder charging through his castle door and sending the "delicious ghosts" flying like pinballs.

Now back to our heroes...

Parakarry had already taken Yakkey and entered the Windmill, leaving the door open. After which he flew down the well, and started waiting. No one payed him any mind, even Goombario who was to preoccupied with his hero...

"GET IN THE WELL!!" Goombario screamed as he smashed what little weight down on Mario whom was stretched across the well, not wanting to fall in. "I-A DON'T WANNA!!" "GET IN THE GODDAMNED WELL, MARIO!!" "NOOOOO!!"

Bombette rolled her eyes in exasperation and spoke under her breath. "Oh, for fuck's sake." She walked over to the windmill and blew up the wall, leaving a large hole and several bricks. "Kooper, take that brick and do, well, you should know." "Yes, m- "Oh, & say anything about love, & I kick you in the balls." Kooper heeded her warning, and run off, blushing and smiling.

"Goombario, get off Mario's back." Kooper said. "'Kay." "Wait-a, what are-a you-a doing!?" Kooper then dropped the brick on Mario's back, causing him to fall down.

Parakarry, who had been watching from below, backed away. "Uh-oh." Just as he said this, Mario landed, fortunately on the spring pad at the bottom of the mill. "OOF!" Mario bounced off the spring pad & landed in pain on the ground near Parakarry. But our favorite Paratroopa had his eyes on the brick that _didn't_ land near him.

Bow was standing above the well, with a proud look. "See Mario is down the well thanks to m-CLUNK At that moment, the brick that had landed on the spring pad had come back up & hit her from underneath, causing her to fall down the well.

Kooper & Bombette just followed suit, leaning over the hole and lettting themselves fall down, and land on Bow.

"Well, only 1 route to take." Goombario said, pointing to the door at the bottom of the well with his foot. "Yeah, we totally didn't realize that, genius." Bombette snapped back sarcastically.

Goombario responded grinning. "Thank you for the compliment." "I was being sarcastic, you smug bastard." "I take what I can get." He said, still grinning, to Bombette who was now seething in rage.

Then Mario yanked them both and started dragging his armless allies along the ground. He smashed open the door with his head, shortly after yelling "Let's-a go!!".

In the next room, which was more of a tunnel...

"Get out of the way, you stupid Hyper Goomba!!" Kooper yelled, his voice filled with irritation. "Hell no! I haven't had a fight in years!" Goombario looked at the subspecies of Goomba, flabbergasted and annoyed, and yelled. "That's a _stupid _reason! You should be starved for food, not battle!!"

"Speaking of things that could renew his energy..." Kooper said with a sly grin. "Huh?" Goombario and some the othjers said.

**"HOT COFFEE ATTACK!!"** He screamed, his head suddenly giant as he splashed a cup of blazing hot coffee on the Hyper Goomba's face.

"OHHH, THE CAFFEINEY GODDNESS!! AND OHHH THE FACE-BURNING PAIIIINNN!!!"

They then walked away despite Parakarry pointing to a sign that said "No entry."

Then they continued into the next room/tunnel, encountering two more Hyper Goombas who encountered two hot coffee attacks. "Uhhh, guys. The sign." "Screw the sign, Parakarry." Bow snapped at him. This second sign read: "ABSOLUTELY NO ENTRY."

In the last room/tunnel... **"HOT COFFEE ATTACK!!"** Kooper yelled thrice. "Ahhh! This coffee's freezing cold!!" "AND IT'S DECAF!!" The two unfrozen Hyper Goombas screamed, carrying their frozen ally and rushing in the direction of what they thoughgt to be the nearest hospital.

"T- "Say anything about the sign, and I'll kill you." Bombette snarled at the Paratroopa. "Yeah, if we don't find this Hubba Hubba guys secret, he'll end us!!" Kooper yelled. "The only thing good about that, is you guys will be dead, and me and Bombette will be in heaven as lovers, unlike you guys."

"I **DON'T **love you! And his name is Tubba Blubba, you idiot!!" "DON'T SAY THAT, BOMBETTE! And who's this Hubbabaloo guy??" "Look, even if we do die, we certainly won't go to heaven." Bombette said. "Then I'll love you in hell, Bombette!!" Kooper said passionately.

"All-a of you, let's-a just shut up and find-a this _secret-a_." Mario said as he impatiently opened the door, as they all ignored the sign that read: "YOU IDIOTS!! DON'T YOU EVER LISTEN TO WARNINGS!! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!! TOLD YOU THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO BLEEPING ENTRY!!!"

In the final room of the well, which was more of a room then a tunnel, even if it was filled with rocks.

"Am I looking at what I think I'm looking at...??" Goombario perplexedly pondered aloud. "Look, Bombette! IT'S A SYMBOL OF OUR LOVE!" Kooper yelled, his arm around her shoulder. "Look, Kooper! IT'S DISGUSTING! And I'll kill you if you don't let go of me!!" What they were looking at objected to her second sentence.

"This doesn't seem like such a big, important secret, and why did one of this size want to be near a dark damp tunnel all the time anyway...?" Parakarry said as he perused the putrid, puzzling _thing_.

"I remember when I had one of those." Bow said, discarding any asinine assumptions all you readers may have made about the object's identity.

"How-a is it still-a functioning and what-a is it doing-a outside-a of it's-a owner's-a body??"

"YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW. I'M A GIANT, EVIL, LIVING, HOPPING, TALKING **HEART**!! Big surprise, I know." The generically shaped heart which for some reason had eyes and a mouth said. So how did you guys find this place. Someone spilled the beans?"

"Yeah, Yakkey did." Everyone said, trying to shift any of this heart's apparent rage to someone else, Yakkey sad nothing, since he was in the windmill's door's keyhole outside.

With Yakkey... "Wow, this keyhole is really nice and cozy...ZZZzzz"

"Wow. Can't trust anyone nowadays, huh?" "Oh, yes." "Definitely." "Indeed." "Absolutely, undeniably true!" And various other utterances of agreement were stated by the group, as they feigned alliance with him, despite agreement with his statement as they stared at each other with malicious faces.

"Well, since you now know that I'm Tubba Blubba's heart-"Actually-a, we-a didn't know that-a." Mario cut in. "And it's Rubba Dubba." Kooper cut in. Bow promptly slapped him with her fan. "No, it's not."

"Well, either way, I'm going to have to kill you all." The Heart said with half-hearted hospitality and whole-hearted heartlessness. "Looks like it's time we fought the "heart" of the problem. Ahaha." POW "That-a joke f-ing-a sucked." Mario said after punching Goombario in the back of the head/entire body.

"Now then, I've got this really cool, great super-attack. So just wait a second while I charge it up so I can kill you with it." Tubba Blubba's heart said. The others struggled not to laugh at this stupid request. Meanwhile, Mario poop on a yellow afro wig and black sunglasses.

"MCDONALD-A SUPERSIZE-A ME MEGA-SUPER COMBO ATTACK." The plumber yelled, as he quickly shoved tons of McDonalds burgers fries and other McDeath's items into the heart through it's mouth.

"Pant, pant. Please don't do that. I'M A HEART FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!" By now, Tubba's Heart was blackened and panting.

Parakarry, flew over with a white box in hand. "Gentlemen!" He announced "What??" Tubba's Heart asked in confusion. Then Parakarry shoved about about 50 cigarettes into the heart's mouth and lit them all. Instantly, the heart blackened by a large amount.

Bombette, meanwhile, ran up to Kooper. "HEARTBREAK ATTACK!! I DON'T LOVE YOU KOOPER!!" She yelled wholeheartedly. Kooper quickly grabbed the heart. "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! How could you do this to me!?" Kooper said, thinking she was just doing this to attack Tubba's Heart. "It's...so...saaad! Bawwww!" Tubba's Heart seemed slightly cut and was blackened in sever areas.

Mario rushed up to Kooper and yanked the heart out of his hands. "EXCERCISE-A TIME!! Whee!" Mario then ran around the room 50 times, regularly smashing his head against the wallls, by the end, he was still feeling like a million bucks.

Couldn't say the same for Tubba's Heart, though. "Pant...Wheeze. Why...Am I...Wheeze...feeling...YOUR...exhaustion?!" "Messed up physics, I guess. You ARE a heart, after all." Goombario said, answsering for Mario.

"Wait a second." Tubba's Heart quickly went red with rage and steam came out his sides. "You're trying to KILL me!!"

"Real smart, aren't you?" Goombario asked, with his eyes rolled, and his voice filled with sarcasm.

"That's _it_! ANTI-BODIEEES!!_" _

Soon, several small look-alikes of Tubba's Heart appeared and began swarming everyone. Then they charged and attempted to latch on to our heroes.

"GET OFF ME, YOU FREAKY THINGS!!" Bombette promptly screamed and exploded, giving a sigh of mostly relief.

Tubba's Heart looked around. "Eep. That's it, I'm outta here!!" He quickly hopped away at full speed, somehow opening the door on the way.

"Well, that-a was interesting." Mario remarked calmy.

"AFTER HIM YOU IDIOTS!!!" Goombario screamed, his head growing to a very large size for a brief moment. Bombette looked at him in confusion. "Why?"

"Do you wanna live in a well while Bowser destroys the world because we didn't save all the Star Spirits?" "NO." Everyone else responded to the genius Goomba in unison.

And so they all shoulder-charged through the damp tunnels smashing through the Hyper Goombas, wearing football gear all the way. Then they jumped on the spring and leaped out after Tubba Blubba's Heart.

The sperated organ leapt toward it's owner, and with tears of pain called out to him. "It's time for us to reunite!!" Tubba Blubba grabbed his heart and threw it down his throat.

"WAIT!! I don't go down that way!" Tubba Blubba's Heart yelled as he fell down his owners throat who choked on him as he went down.

It was just then that mario and co had gotten out of the well, and so Tubba Blubba declared to them "Haha, now with my heart & body reunited, I'm more invincible than ever!!"

Mario looked at everyone. Kooper quickly spoke for the plumber. "Cue the awesome music."

Bombette quickly jumped on top of Parakarry and lit her fuse, while Parakarry ducked in his shell then launched himself at Tubba Blubba. "TAKE THIS FATTY!!" Bombette screamed from atop her ally's shell as they crashed into Tubba Blubba's stomach with a powerful shelled strike and explosion.

Tubba Blubba recoiled in extreme pain as Kooper ducked in his shell, and Mario jumped on him...

"The Kooper Bros..." Mario stuck his hammer out to the side. "...Super Special Shell Spinning..." Kooper began spinning inside his shell. "ATTACK!!" Mario & Kooper became a red & blue blur and sped towards their target, smashing him several times with both hammer and shell.

Tubba Blubba was leaning over, in extreme pain, covered in blood and bruises. "Pant...Wheeze...You guys are mea-"Goombario and Bow COMBO ATTACK!!" Then Goombario and Bow having interrupted him, began viciously, biting, slapping, smacking & headbonking.

Finally, from all the pain, Tu-"HURRRAGGHHH!!!" Tubba Blubba, having experienced massive amounts of pain, suddenly gaining, and almost eating a very badly treated heart, succumbed to his internal bleeding and almost every other injury he had.

Tubba Blubba collapsed, and Goombario and Bow ended their stupid-looking attack. Everyone looked at each other. "HIGH FIVE!" They cried in unison.

Bow went through the others, Kooper tried to high five Goombario, who accidentally knocked him over with his "high-five" which was more of a headbonk. Mario high-fived too hard, and hurt Bombette causing her to explode, and Parakarry just floated in the air, his hand alone.

After they recomposed themselves, Bow snapped her fingers, Bootler came to her side, and she let the Star Spirit out."There. He's free now." "Bitch." Everyone else muttered under their breath. The card hung in the air, ready for Mario to grab it.

Goombario became suddenly alert and hopped up. "SHIELD YOUR EYES!!" Everyone except Bow did so, knowing what would happen when Mario touched a Star Spirit Card. Then...

Tubba Blubba got up, streams of tears in his eyes, unbeknownst to the others. "YOU GUYS ARE REALLY MEAN!!" "Uh-oh." Mario and co said, upon hearing him, and halting their actions. "I DON'T WANNA BE INVINCIBLE IF IT MEANS I HAVE TO FIGHT GUYS LIKE **YOU**!!!"

Then Tubba Blubba ran off, trampling and utterly defeating them as he fled and could be heard crashing into Boo's Mansion, tripping over their fence, and screaming all the way through Forever Forest. Shortly after, the scream of another was heard.

"Ugggh." Mario got up, and limped towards the Star Spirit Card & touched it, causing it to explode in a shower of lights. Everyone else groaned in pain as they were nearly blinded, but were too battered to defend against it.

**END OF CHAPTER!!**

"Finally-a!"

And now for the Princess Peach section... "Mama-effing mia!"

Princess Peach's Chamber in Princess Peach's Castle, on top of Bowser's Castle...

"It certainly has been a long time since I snuck out, huh Twink?" "What are you talking about Princess? You've only done it TWICE before so far!"

"Just answer the damn question." Peach spat, annoyed at the annoying Star Kid. "Well. It depends on how you look at it, from one perspective, I think it's only been about a day, but from another, it's only been about 6 months."

"Great! Let's go with that second one, then!" Peach said, excitedly, ready to get out of her room for the moment.

The Princess took the picture frame off the wall and hopped to hit the switch. The fireplace turned off, and Peach & Twink headed into the secret passageway.

Meanwhile with Bowser...

"Yes m'lord. What I say is true! Mario, unfortunately, did beat Tubba Blubba!"

"..." Bowser crossed his arms, & closed his eyes, saying nothing. "I assume something's wrong m'lord?"

Bowser's face went red, & steam started to come out of his ears "F-F-F-F-FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..."

"What in the wo-Hey" Twink said, hearing the first half of the very drawn out utterance. "I'M PROTECTING YOUR VIRGIN EARS!!" Princess Peach screamed to Twink. "What?"

Meanwhile, Bowser's scream echoed through both Princess Peach's Castle and his own castle, the soundwaves shaking everyone and everything vigorously. A couple of Koopatrols even got motion sickness and vomitted, for which they had to do push ups. With a 1-ton weight on each of their backs.

But random Koopatrols dealing with firmy, heavy weights above them whilst trying to move their torsos up & down to preserve their species is beside the point what is NOT beside the point is Bowser, who was just about done.

"...UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!"

"Are you quite done m'lord?" Kammy Koopa inquired, covering her ears and leaning over in exhaustion from all the shaking. "Yeah. I think so. But, HOW THE HELL could Mario have beaten him?!! He was supposed to be **INVINCIBLE**!!!"

"I know, but Mario figured out Tubba Blubba's _special secret._" "Hmmph, I shouldn't have relied on plastic surgery." "I believe you're referring to heart surgery, m'lord." "No, I'm talking about the plastic surgery that was recently done on my face! Not the heart surgery that was performed on that retard, Tubba Blubba!!"

As Bowser sat down, pouting, and pounding, the wall began to roll around , with Peach and Twink on it, unnoticed by Kammy, despite the loud noise and sudden change in scenery.

Bowser however, depite having his eyes closed, noticed it instantly. "What the...!? Princess, how the hell did you get out of your room!?" "Shouldn't it be obvious? If you can't figure it out, then you can just pout, 'cuz I'm not telling you." Peach said, sticking out her tongue childishly. "Darn." Bowser muttered.

Then Bowser got an idea, and smiled a smile that was more of a grimace. "Princess Peach, I'll let you off the hook THIS time..."

"Um. Thanks?" Peach said, unnerved by Bowser's strange behaviour.

And she had good reason. "IF you play a little game with me! Hehehe. Laugh with me, Kammy." "Heeheehee." "Good, good." Bowser said, patting Kammy on the head.

"Actually...I...wheeze...need some...water." Then Kammy ran out the room.

"Sigh. Whatever. Anyway, Peach. Let's play a little game."

Peach raised her eyebrow in suspicion. "You're not going to murder or rape me, are you?" Bowser burst out laughing.

_"(If only.)"_ He said to himself. "What?" "No. I'm just going to ask you some questions. NOW NO MORE INTERRUPTIONS!!" He screamed, causing Peach to recoil in fear. "Question 1: Which of the following does Mario/hate/fear the most?"

"Wait, either, or both?" "Any one or a combination of the two. NOW LET ME LIST THE CHOICES!!" Peach once again recoiled, while Twink who was unnoticed despite being in plain sight had his back/body to the wall.

"A Goomba, a Clubba or a MUSHROOOOM?" Bowser asked, putting strange and obvious emphasis on the third choice. Peach began thinking. _"Hmmm. What if the bad choices are good and the good choices are bad? But wait! What if the bad choices are bad and the good choices are-Ohhhh. My head hurts."_

Unfortunately, her train of thought had hit a bad junction, gone off track and crashed. Millions of people were killed and it made the news.

_"I'll just answer "all of them" to each question." _"All of them." Peach answered. "Okay then." Bowser said. He then took out a paper, a pencil, and some reading glasses from a part of his body that was not visible. And yes, I AM referrng to his back which is covered by his shell.

Bowser put on the glasses, wrote some stuff down and resumed his questioning. "Okay. Same question, different answers. Koopa Hammer Bros, or SUUUPAAAAAAA SOODAAAA!!" Bowser said, screaming the last option with a wacky expression and tilted head.

Peach, however had remained perfectly calm. "All of them." She answered again.

This time it was Bowser who raised his eyebrow. "You're not just answering "All of them." to every question I ask, are you?" He asked grinning evilly for reasons unknown to Peach.

"No." "O rly?" Bowser asked. Peach said nothing, Bowser continued grinning. "Howmanyofyourclothesareyougonnatakeoffforme!?"

"None of them." She answered, practrically robotic. "GODDAMNIT!!" The overly large Koopa slammed his foot on the floor, sighed, picked up his reading glasses, wrote some stuff down, and proceeded to ask the next question.

"Pokey, Koopatrol, or Thunder RAAAAAGGGEEE!!!?" Bowser asked, once again, screaming the last option. "All of them." Peach said, just barely smiling. Bowser wrote some stuff down, his hand/claw trembling,

"ARRRGGGHHH!! That's it!! I'm OUTTA here!!" Bowser threw his arms up in the air, and ran for the door, despite it being his room, which he realized just as he ran straight into the wall, and somehow conked himself out, his vision having been impaired by his reading glasses. Peach went back to the secret entrance wall, and pushed the button with Twink following.

1 minute later, Kammy Koopa re-entered the room... "Ah. Lord Bowser, you really should check out the new water coooler they have out there! It works great!!"

"What the!?" Kammy said, noticing the inconspicuos piece of paper lying beside Bowser, but not the fact that the wall was back to the way it was before Peach had entered.

Kammy read the paper, or tried to, but all she found was a bunch of inellegible symbols, drawings, and a couple of games of Tic-Tac-Toe.

"M'lord really needs to learn how to read and write better. Ah well, I guess I'll just have to take this over to the scholars & translators." She said with a sigh, and walked out the door, passing by Bowser who was laying down unconscious and completely ignored by her.

Back to Mario and co....

The Star Spirit looked around, out of his cage & Prison Card. "Ahhh..." He took a deep breath and breathed in some horrible gulch air, coughing several times. "Finally! Freedom!!"

"Now Mario, there's something that I want to talk to you about." "This isn't-a about-a drugs-a, is-a it?" "No, Mario it isn't." Skolar said with a sigh.

"This is about Star Power." "I-A THOUGHT YOU-A SAID THIS WASN'T-A ABOUT DRUGS!!" Mairio screamed. Skolar sighed again.

"I'm talking about the powers you obtain when you rescue a Star Spirit, like me." "Wait-a minute-a! No-a one ever told me about-a that! You-a mean I-a have superpowers-a now!?"Mario's partners looked at each other with worried expressions on their faces and uttered a word beginning with the letter "f".

Skolar sighed again and shifted his glassess. "Yes, you do, Mario. Eldstar gave you Refresh which can heal you, Mamar gave you Lullaby,which can put foes to sleep, and I gave you Star Storm, which pelts your enemies with stars."

"All you have to do is think of one of us and pour your power into it, then we'll come and do your bidding. You just have to think of us."

"Wait, does that include-a when I'm-a thinking of a Star Spirit-a to...-"I'm pretty sure the answer to that would be "no", Mario." Goombario & Skolar said cutting the plumber off.

Skolar looked at his right arm as if he had a watch, even though he obviously didn't, then he began speaking hastily.

"Anyway, I advise you not to use your newly discovered powers just yet since you have another difficult battle ahead of you, and Star Power can only be restored with a good night's rest or with the "Focus" command, aka, praying to us. And yes that means you are now technically converted to the Star Spirit religion. Yes it is an actual religion. In fact it's the main one for everybody in the Mushroom Kingdom. Goodbye, Mario." Then he flew away upwards, trails of sparkles trailing below him.

"Did anyone care about what he just said?" Bombette asked. "No." Everyone, except for Goombario responded, who said "I listened, but I didn't care.".

And so, our heroes left Gusty Gulch. Mario celebrated his newfound powers, and everyone else worried. Koop's reason being that he might have left his stove on at home.

As they headed back towards Forever Forest, Goombario & Parakarry screamed kicked & bit, while Bow & Kooper dragged them along.

At the Boo's Mansion gate... "Gwee hee hee. Look, there's Mario!" "Yeah, now that the Mansion Gate is fixed let's ge-GAHHHHHH" By this time, Mario had already knocked out the two conversing ghosts, and thrown their bodies and parts of the gates at the mansion wall. Obviously, all things that were thrown were severely damaged.

"We really need to stop trying that." "Yeah."

Meanwhile Mario and co. were heading into Forever Forest, much to most of their dismay...

In Forever Forest...

"So, how-a do we get-a back to-a Toad-a Town?" "Easy, we just take all the correct paths till we get there!" Parakarry said. He was promptly ground-pounded several times until he was buried by Goombario.

"No, idiot. We take the **wrong** path till we get back to Toad Town." Goombario angrily corrected from atop the pulverised Paratroopa.

"That would never work!" Said Bombette. "If we start at Toad Town the wrong path takes us to Toad Town. If we start at Boo's Mansion, the wrong path takes us to **Boo's Mansion!**" She continued.

Goombario was having none of it though. "KICK OF CORRECTION!!" "YEOWCH! What the hell was that for!?" Bombette asked, face red with anger.

"Have a sense of geography!" "What?" "Think about it, if all the paths ibn the forest, except the wrong ones atre one way, and go to Toad Topwn, then how is it possible for the SAME DAMN PATHS to go somewhere else!? It would be a HUGE friggin' spacial inconsistency and the universe would probably collapse because of how little sense it makes!!" Goombario said finishing his rant, out of breath.

Kooper walked between the out of breath Goomba and the irritable Bob-Omb. "I hate to say this my love-"Kooper was then kicked in the face. "But I have to agree with Goombario. If all the Forest's paths are one-way, then the "wrong" path is the smart choice."

Mario jumped for joy happy that the tedious discussion was finally over. "THE WRONG-A PATH IT IS-A THEN!" He then ran towards the gate. The others followed indifferent to the newly made decision depite it being theirs.

Parakarry flew ahead of Mario & held the gate open... "Thanks-a, Parakarry!" "No problem, Mario!" WHAM! "AHH FUCK!! I HATE HATE GATES!!"

Goombario opened his mouth to sing. "Ohhhh.." Kooper then kicked him in whatever a Goomba's equivalent of testicles were. "OHHHH." Goombario moaned, leaning over, obviously not trying to begin a song."I will kill ANYONE who tries to sing that damn song."

Kooper just opened the gate and walked through, muttered about how he was the only who got hit, Goombario & Bombette being short, Parakarry having flown over it & held it open for Mario, & Bow having just flown THROUGH it.

Just as soon as they had gotten into the forest however, they heard something...

**"AHHHH!!! FUCKFUCKFUCK!! SOMEBODY PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME!! I WANT MY MOMMY!! PLEASE! WAHHHHHHH!!"**

Although you may not have been able to hear it since it was text, our "heroes" recognized this pathetically childish, and fell on the forest floor laughing hysterically. Well, except for Bow, since she didn't know the voice, and so, was confused what all the laughter was about.

"What, or rather, who, is so funny?" She asked, now angry she was missing what seemed like a good joke.

"I-I-It's an old, r-r-rriva-BWAHAHAHAHA!!" Goombario struggled to ask, laughing at what would normally be the description used, and his own failure to state it.

**"WAHHHH!!IT HURTS AND STINNNNNNGS! STOP SUCKING MY DAMN BLOOD, AND WHY WON'T ANYONE FUCKING HELP ME!? GAHHHH, TENTACLES!!" **And if you thought that the tentacles were doing anything other than whipping & trying to kill him, you'd be wrong and very sick-minded. Sick-minded only in my opinion, though.

Kooper reeled pover, and pointed at nowhere in particular. "Hahaha. Serves him right for all the times he's attacked us!!" Strangely enough all the living trees and rocks joined in, laughing with Kooper who wanted them to shut up, so he could listen, and told to shut up by _the voice_, since their laughter was hurting his feelings.

Finally, the owner of the voice came running, covered in blood, forest debris, tears, & dirt, on his body, & panic all over his face. Upon sighting them he did a leaping tackle and...

Hugged Mario.

**"OH MARIO!! I'M SO FUCKING HAPPY TO SEE YOU!!!! I CAME INTO THIS FOREST LOOKING TO KILL YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A PLAYGROUND-STEALING, STUPID-HEADED BASTARD, BUT THEN I GOT LOST AND THESE SHITTY THINGS STARTED ATTACKING ME AND I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE AND NOW I'VE FOUND YOU AND I'M SOOOOO HAPPY BECAUSE IT WAS SO SCARRRYYYY AND I THINK I WET MYSELF-**"Wait-a, what.?" Mario asked suddenly in all the confusion.

And if you couldn't tell, it was the semi-happy reunion which might've been cute if you thought that a murderous, sadistic, vengeful, swearing, beat-up, crying, rebel Koopa Troopa who looked like he had & really did almost get killed in a haunted forest hugging an idiotic, middle-aged abuisive, tempermental, pushy, pyromaniacal, pyrokinetic plumber was cute.

And interestingly enough the above described actually DID fall into someone's definition of cute, Lady Bow's in particular.

"Aww. Isn't that kyoo-WHAM!! However as indicated by that sound effect, her adoration was short-lived. No, she was not harmed. But Mario & Jr. Troopa had come to their senses and promptly sent each other flying with simeultaneous punches. Then Mario crashed back-first into Bow, and she _was_ hurt.

"What the...?" Parakarry muttered, shocked.

**"HAH! You fell for my trick to make you let your guard down...Heheh, yeah that's it! All a trick!"**

Kooper could care less about cuteness though.

"Yeah, Jr. Troopa. ALL a trick...suuuure it was." Kooper said, rolling his eyes and his voice dripping with disbelief. With his right hand he subtly pointed to a puddle on the ground. A puddle of tears mind you, the significant thing being that a flower had just grown out of the after sprouting, the flower ate a mouse that scampered by.

**"SHUT THE HELL UP!! I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!! TRANSFORM!!" **A wiggly circle of purplish-pink magic formed around Jr. Troopa."Trippy." Kooper remarked.

Then, with a "poof" and some smoke, Jr. Troopa sprouted purple wings that would be equally suited to a bat of his own size.

**"HAHA!! How do you like that, YOU STUPID SHIT!?! Now you can't use that damn hammer of yours to break my defense, Mario!!"**

Plumber hand and plumber forehead immediately collided. "Idiot-a."Mario's body flashed briefly, and he jumped, illusions of himself trailing behind him.

SMASH **"AHH FUCK!! WHY DID THAT FUCKING HURT SO MUCH!?" **"Power-a jump, bitch." **"ARRGH!!"**

The winged Koopa charged forward, but Mario jumped over him, and he crashed into Bow. "Yow! You stupid kid! Don't you know who I am!?" **"Shut the hell up. I DON'T CARE!!"**

Bow's face fell since she now, obviously perceived less cuteness. "GET THAT LITTLE BRAT!!" Was the irritated scream Bow let out.

"Already on it!" Goombario declared, and his body began to glow white with tints of every other colour.

"Umm. What are you doing??" Bow inquired. "I'm charging, don't bother me." Interestingly enough, Goombario was the only one taking any action at the was watching Goombario charge, looking dazed, and Kooper was the same, Parakarry fell asleep, and by the time Parakarry had fallen asleep, Bombette was beating up Kooper for just staring at the glowing Goomba Goombario and overall, acting like an idiot.

Mario looked at Bow. "Look-a let's-a just ignore them-a, and-a KICK-A THIS KID'S-A ASS!!" "Agreed!"

**"Bring it on, you pansies!" **Mario, in response did this.

"ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!" Suddenly, Mario took on a hulk like form, and screamed in rage. Then, he ducked down, and yelled...

"PK...STAAAAAARRRSTOOORRRMM!" Obviously, this was a strange sight, for as he yelled this, his eyes sparkled, and he sounded like a child, but his body was green and overly muscular.

Skolar came down, sparkling, said nothing, and went back up. Then a meteor shower started.

**"AAHH!! SHIT! WTF!" **Jr. Troopa promptly began running around, trying to avoid the vicious assault, as the stars fell from the sky and release large explosions whenever they hit something. Of course, Mario and co quickly noticed this and began panicking as well.

Kooper got off the ground and on his feet, still in a slight daze. "Uhh. What happe-MARIO!! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!?"

"NEVER MIND THAT!!" Goombario exclaimed, dodging while charging. "Mama mia!"

Then...A lightbulb appeared over Parakarry's head... Which he ate and got electrocuted from.

His hair standing on end. Parakarry exclaimed the word "IDEA!!" and smashed a star with his mailbag, sending it flying in Jr., Troopa's direction._BOOOOOOOM!!_

**"Hah...hah...wheeze...WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT ASSHO-**_BOOOOOM!!_

By now, Mario & co had caught on, and were smashing stars in Junior's direction, with one explosion after another until the meteor shower ended...

**"AGH!! GYAAGGH!! STOP THIS YOU ASSHO-**_BOOOOOOM!!_ "Haha, how do you like that, Junior!?" Parakarry exclaimed with sudden confidence. Everyone stared at him. "What can't I be proud of myself for once?" Mario hit him on the head. "No. You-a can't."

Jr. Troopa got up, beaten & weary.** "I'M...NOT DONE...YE-" **

_"I'MA FIRING MAHSELF!! BWAAAGHH!!!"_ But if you know this story, it's obvious he would get interrupted. And who you ask made this ridiculous interruption? Goombario.

Soon the floor of Forever Forest was schorched and Within one minute, Jr. Troopa was defeated.

Jr. Troopa lay on the ground.** "GAH!! Hurting...So much. I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS MARIO!!" **He then ran away into the forest, Mario and co stood still.

**"AGGGGHHH!! MONSTERS!! HELLLLP!" **Mario and his friends then burst out laughing and rolled on the forest floor, before heading to a "wrong" exit.

10 minutes later...Goombario stretched his invisible appendages. "Ahhh, finally we're out of that forest!" Bow looked at him & took the opportunity to ask a question. "Hey, how did you do that charge thing you did back there?"

"Super Block ability." Goombario responded as they walked out, Kooper leaning against Bombette in two types of dazes one of them a result of him having gotten high off of fluorescent mushrooms again.

But let's change the subject...

Just a few feet ahead of Mario and his friends, Jr. Troopa was at the ground in an even worse state than before. **"OHHH GLORIOUS GROUND!! I'M SO HAPPY I COULD KISS IT!!" **The young Koopa then kissed the ground several times, creating a fairly disturbing vision for anyone else.

"Ummmmmmmmm..." Everyone but Kooper said, Kooper being too high to act properly for the situation.

Junior then ran away at top speed after seeing Mario, exclaiming **"AHH! DON'T KILL ME! I'M NOT READY TO FIGHT YOU AGAIN YET!" **and running away at top speed smashing through, and ruining various Toad Town property.

Back to Mario & co....

Kooper continued to lean against Bombette. "Kooper, GET OFF ME!!" Bombette screamed. "No, Bombette. YOU get off ME."

Filled with literally explosive rage, Bombette blew herself up immediately. _BOOOOOOM!!_ "AH! KOOPER, YOU FUCKING PERVERT!!"

Ignoring that while Parakarry pulled out a pair of crutches from hammerspace to give to Kooper so he could walk properly, they headed across the bridge. Meanwhile, Bow took the time to scare the living daylights & dead nightlights out of Fice T. as they passed.

It was just as they had gotten onto the ground of Toad Town that Mario had a whim. "I'm-a tired." Yawning, he declared that they were going to the inn. With no real reason to object, being tired themselves, they walked behind him.

"AaaaahhhAAAHaaahhhAHHH!!"SMASH A frying pan, seemingly levitating above a Shy Guy's head, despite the Shy Guy having his arms upwards as if holding it, had just hit Kooper's head while the Shy Guy itself crashed into him and knocked him over."WATCH WHERE YOU'RE DRIVING ASSHOLE!!" It was obvious Kooper was angry, although still a little high since he had just been hit-&ran while using crutches.

"What-a in the world? What was-a that all-a about?" Mario uttered. His question was answered by a female resident. "Oh noooo!! My frying pan! It's been STOLEN!! NOOOOOOOO-"SHUT UP, LADY!!"

"I can't believe this!! Who could've done such a thing!? Gang, we've got a mystery on our hands!" Parakarry exclaimed with astonishment, a blonde wig, a better physique, and a white shirt with a blue stripe. Bow immediately smashed the shirt & wig off with her fan hitting him so hard he went into a coughing fit.

They then resumed their hike to the inn, Kooper having gotten back on his crutches. "I think my headaches are returning to normal now." "Head**aches**?" Goombario inquired, stressing the fact that the word was plural.

"Yes headaches. One from being high and the other from that damn frying pan." Kooper said, rubbing his head in pain.

His head and hand were soon attacked by numbers, particularly the numbers on the buttons on a calculator. "What the hell?"To explain the calculator was levitating and being held by a Shy Guy, like the frying pan before. Another resident screamed.

"HEY, YOU STUPID PUNK! I NEED THAT TO DO MY BUSINESS!!" The Shy Guy, while running away, heard this and looked at the calculator with a shocked face, but shrugged and continued running away.

"Hey, Mario! Good buddy, customer! Can you do me a favor and get back my calculator for me?" Asked the almost dog-like person.

"Who-a the hell are you?" "I'm Rowf! The badge shop owner, just got set up in towen! Don't ya remember me buddy?""No. Fuck-a off."_POW_Rowf was knocked to the ground while his son watched his father's sudden assaulter walk away.

"HEY! You cvan't do that to my dad!!" Rowf's son Ruff said, shaking a tiny fist in the air. Mario assumed a "matter-of-fact" stance and put on a cheery face.

"No-a. I _shouldn't-a _do that to your dad." Mario corrected. "Uhh, RI- Then Mario punched Ruff's lights out.

"Finally, now let's get to the inn." Goombario, like everyone else, couldn't agree more with him. "You said it Parakarry. My physical stamina reserve is exhausted."

Bombette seethed. "I swear, one more interruption and I will be pissed."

They entered the inn, and couldn't be any madder. "I'm sorry sirs and madams, the inn is closed because of these two Shy Guys hopping about the only bed."

Everyones' faces went red withpure rage, and their eyes went red from lack of sleep. Within moments, there were deafaneing and unified screams of "GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FUCKING INN, WE WANNA SLEEP!!!" followed immediately by an explosion of massive proportions, two Shy Guys being beaten to pulps and thrown out the window, and then 6 beings sleeping in one bed under a half-destroyed roof.

Several hours later...

"Ahh. You're finally up." The Inn Toad dsaid, greeting the ghyuests. "Thanklfully, there has been no new avctivity in Toad Town since you went to sleep."

Goombario looked at him oddly. "What are you talking about!? There's Shy Guys running rampant EVERYWHERE!!" "Yes, but they haven't changed activities, or left and no new ones have arrived." The Inn Toad responded.

"Oh. Weird." "Who-a cares? I-a want-a to see-a my brother." Mario interrupted. And so they walked out of the inn, as they did Kooper asked why they didn't have to pay."You don't have to pay because it's a free service." "Oh? Then how do you stay in business?" Kooper asked, very curious. "Charity donations." The Inn Toad said with his head slunken down, clearly ashamed.

Of course, the Inn Toad waass wrong about nothing having changed in town. As soon as Mario opened the door, the rest of the inn, (Which had been reduced to almost just it's framework.) fell to the ground.

"What the...?" Bombette asked,, quite astonished.. A fire hydrant which wasn't there before was spraying water everywhere, which Parakarry was sprayed by as soon as he walked out the door.

To give you a better idea of the situation, the town was in complete chaos, courtesy of the Shy Guys. A Toad screamed, and an ambulance wailed as it ran down the street. And the Toad. The ambulance driver then got out of the ambulance and put the toad inside the ambulance via the back doors and drove off."Is the town always like this?" Bow asked.

Everyone turned to Mario, none of them having ever lived there. Incidentally Mario wasn't where they looked because he was laughing like an idiot whilst riding on a merry-go-round the Shy Guys had set up using the whirling roof of Merlon's house.

They walked through Toad Town, mainly to fetch Mario and someone in the post office screamed. "COME BACK HERE WITH THOSE LETTERS!!" The Shy Guy ran towards Kooper, whom ducked in his shell. The Shy Guy then jumped on Kooper, knocked him over and ground-pounded on him.

"GODDAMNIT!!" Kooper yelled as the Shy Guy ran away giggling with a bag of letters above it's head.

Several minutes later, Mario's partners had removed him from the merry-go-round, which Merlon had taken a notice to and was now firing spells at anyone who tried to use it.

"I hate this town." Kooper remarkled as they walked towards the local shop. None of them paid any mind to the Shy Guys who tried to break into the dojo and were promptly used as "Additional training" for it's occupants. Also the Toad who bragged to everyone about his First Degree Card was easily trampled by the Shy Guys.

Parakarry was blasted with a water hose from a fire truck being driven by Shy Guys on a joy-ride. "That goes doubly for me." "Yeah, well I hate you even more." Kooper quipped back, not paying any attention to the conversation.

As they walked through town, Mario remarked on being hungry, & everyone agreed. So they headed to the local item store: Shroom Grocer.

Mario ignored the shopkeeper who had been chained & gagged on the outside wall of his shop & opened the door. "Ah-a, time to get some-SMASH!! Mario was run over by someone in red rushing into the shop.

"What the-a hell?"

"Haha, Mario! Welcome to Shy Guy's shop! I run this shop now, so I'm not going to sell you anything!! Haha! Nyeah nyeah!"

Goombario looked at everyone else who's eyes had their usual gleam. If he could look at his own eyes, he would've seen it in his as well."I suggest we beat up this Shy Guy so that he may relinquish control of this shopping area to it's rightful owner, agreed?"

Everyone nodded. "Agreed." **SMAAAASH!! BEAT UP! EXPLOSION!! KICK!! PUNCH!! BEATTHECRAPOUTOF!!**

If you don't know what just happened, try reading this, idiot: The Shy Guy lay on the ground with heavy bruises, clearly injured beyond a quick recovery."Mercy! Please, I give up."

"Well that was easy." Bow remarked. "JUST KIDDING!! SURPRISE ATTA- The Shy Guy was picked up by Mario & thrown through the wall into the Dojo where he was comboed by the master and sent flying out of town.

The Shy Guy could be seen flying slightly into the distance. "WHEEEEEEEEEEE!! I HURT ALOT, BUT WHEEEE!!" Mario was then run over by the shop owner re-entering & re-claiming his shop, having gotten out of his paper-mache chains. The shop owner then thanked Mario & co profoundly, although Mario just punched him for running him over.

The gang headed out of the shop, when a scream was heard... "EEEEEKK!!! Words are mocking me!! Come back with my diar-I mean dictionary you little ruffian!!"

"What-a the fuck?" Mario asked, and with good reason, considering the sound came from local literature-obsessive know-it-all and _male_ senior citizen, Russ. T as a Shy Guy ran towards Kooper, a book levitating over it's head as the thief giggled.

Half a second later, the Shy Guy had been slammed into the pavement, grabbed by it's hand by a vengeful Koopa sporting a blue shell and red bandana who had just recently screamed **"HI-YAHHH!!!"**.

Having taken a severe beating, the Shy Guy fled for it's life still carrying the dictionary that no one but it & Russ. T cared about."Finally, the pipe-a to-a my-a house." Mario pointed out, indicating a pipe near Russ. T's house.

And so they went down the pipe, and shortly after, appeared in Mario's yard. Mario stretched his arms, and gave a sigh of relief. "Ahhh-a, my-a beautiful yard-a."

Then a Shy Guy landed on them, and since Mario was on top of all the others, his being knocked down sent both him AND all the others back down the pipe, back the way they came.

"Damnit, what happened?" Kooper exasperatedly asked. "A Shy Guy landed on my-a head." Mario responded. "Stupid things-a, I'm-a supposed to land on their heads-a, NOT THE OTHER-A WAY AROUND!! He continued, yelling in frustration.

Everyobne else just climbed back down the pipe, and Parakarry dragged a still-complaining Mario down with them. As soon as they got to the end of the pipe, noone bothered to get out of the pipe. "I'm-a gonna get that-a Shy Guy." Mario then picked up Bombette, who cringed as a ressult of Mariop's awkward, unintentional grip. "Hey! DON'T GRAB ME THERE, ASSHOLE!! Or anywhere for that matter." Mario ignored her, & threw her up with perfect timing so that she would land on the pipe & annihilate the Shy Guy hopping around the yard in an explosion.

Unfortunately, she was in no mood to comply & walked back into the pipe and unleashed her explosion in there.

Everyone, but Bombette(Who was unharmed, having been the explosive.) & Bow, whom had made herself invisible or transparent, whichever you prefer, was covered in ashes, and they all took some brief moments to cough a couple of them off.

"Where did Bow go?" Goombario asked, somewhat unnerved. Mario looked at hiim stern yet confused. "Do we-a care?" "Yes." Kooper responded.

"Meanwhile in the yard... Luigi looked on at the wall of his house with horror, or rather who was at it. Meanwhile, the Mario and his party climbed out of the pipe, clumsily tripping over each other as they got out.

"What the hell?" Parakarry asked in shocked astonishment, everyone else mimicked his line, although mostly because this was one of the few times they had heard him swear, and they weren't really paying any attention to what Parakarry was seeing.

Let's have a look shall we, viewers? "Mama mia." Luigi looked on with shock & pity for the Shy Guy. "Iyaahhhhh-yahhhh!!" What was going on, well thisd was:

"GWAH-HEE-HA-HEE HA!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT YOU STUPID SHY GUY!!" "I don't!" "That's I don't _MISTRESS_!! Got it, sweetie?" Bow had for reasons unknown, dressed in leather Bondage Gear, and done the same for the Shy Guy, then chained him up against the Mario Bros house.

Needless to say,. Luigi ran into the house, and unbenownst top everyone else, began to write about in ihis diary. Mario's party just rushed over and snapped her out of it as soon as they could. The Shy Guy, once freed, fled like never before.

Shortly later. Luigi came back out of the house. "Hey Luigi, where were you." Goombario asked. "Whio cares?" Kooper cut in, slapping Goombario intentionally too hard on the back before Luigi could say anything. "What you obsessed with Luigi now!?" Goombario kicked him in the crotch.

"I was just curious about what happened to him, asshole." "Owwww." Kooper groaned as he bent over in pain. "Oh-a, it's-a nothing. Really." Luigi said, as he nerviously touched his index fingers together.

"Anyway-a, Luigi, bro. Meet my new party memebers!! Kooper, bombette, Parkarry, &...Bow." Lugig crigned when lloking at Bow, who just grinned,. "I'm-a not bowing to her!"

"That''s my name, you italian idiot!!" "Don't be racist Bow." Kooper instructed. "I'll do whatever I want!" She quickly slapped him across the face.

"Anyway-a, could you guys-a just leave. I'm kinda busy."

Goombario looked around the yard, confused. "With what?" He asked. "I-a have to-a train for-a a long time so I can be ready to join Mario's party, then when I'm done-a, I'm-a going to continuously put off joining-a Mario's party-a."

"Why-a don't you go beat up-a some Shy Guys while I train here. I heard there were some left at the train station." & so, Mario & company left, feeling strangely dejected.

At the train station, two Shy Guys guys were running arounnd in circles in front of the unmoving train.

Goombario stared at the Shy Guys with intense focus, while near the Lil Oink Pen, Parakarry kept trying to use the egg dispenser without having paid for it, thus, he was just continuously bumping his head. But we're talking about Goombario right now, not Parkarry. "Ohhh."

"Remind me how these things are supposed to be causing trouble in town, again." Kooper stared along with him "I don't think it was ever explained." A blue-spotted Toad rushed past the gang. "Shy Guys are blocking the trains path!! How can it move now!? I used to love watching it move ever so much!!"

"Yeah, we're trying to figure out how those Shy Guys are causing trouble!!" Kooper & Goombario yelled, Goombario seeming out of characterly stupid since he was talking to someone who was unconscious.

As the Toad rushed past them a second time, Mario punched him out. "Shut up.""Yeah, besides, why not just trun them over?' Bombette pointed out.

Thankfully, the engineer heard her suggestion. "Good idea!"

5 minutes later, the two Shy Guys were being beaten across the track by the train's cowcatcher, & Mario & his party were havibng a VERY good, although sadistic laugh.

And so, they left the train station, passing by a well known Toad bragging about his "incredible pet", which, coincidentally, no one had ever seen.

"So, any idea where the remaining Shy Guys might be?" Parakarry friendlily inquired. "NO-A!! And I don't want anything-a more to do with those irritating little-a basta-"I think there might be some near the port." Goombario said, after some thought, uncaring that he had just intterupted and mildly angered Mario.

At the suburbs of town...

Mario was quick to notice and indicate a realtively unnoticable building. "Hey-a look! A new shop!! Let's-a go in there!"

Only Goombario was smart enough to question this. "WHY?? We've never bothered going into any other shops, why this one all of a sudden?" "Because-a we're heroes, we-a have an obligation-a to-a support the economy." Mario responded.

"Whatever, let's just go ion." Parakarry responded, trying to seem aloof for no reason, and of course, he was failing miserably at it.

Mario opened the door, and was immediately run over by a high-pitched screaming hit-and-runner. "GOD-A DAMN IT!! What was that!?" "IT WAS A SHY GUY WHO JUST ROBBED ME OF MY STORAGE KEY, AND WELCOME TO MY SHOP." Announced a Toad from acrosss the room.

"COOL-A. WHAT-A DO YOU HAVE-A HERE!?" Mario yelled since he was talking from across the room, and felt it was necessary to do so. "UNFORTUNATELY, NOTHING. THE STUFF YOU SEE ON MY SHELVES IS ALL DISPLAY AND I DON'T HAVE MY STOR-"Shut up!! Both of you, we get your points, if you wanted to talk to weach other, you shouldn't do it across the rooom. The yelling hurts our goddamnded ears!!" Bombette screamed.

"What ears?" Gookmbario asked. "Never mind, let's just gop." BNow announced "C'mon Kooper, help me out." Bow & Kooper than proceeded to drag a pouting Mario out of the shop.

Then Mario dragged THEM along because he heard people argyuing in a house next to the the house...

One of the Toads looked confused and angrily at the polumber & his cohorts that had just bazrged into their house. "Hey, who are you?"

"It's-a me, Mario!" "Yeah, that's great. Why don't you get out of our house and beat up the rambunctious children next door?"

Parakarry was confused by thism, and as such, asked about it. "Next door? But there's only a shopkeeper in there, and I'm pretty sure he's not a child... Besides, he just got his shop key stolen, and..."His incoherent, incessant rambling was immediately interrupted by Kooper punching him in the face, with Bombette explaining why.

"They meant the OTHER next door, dumbass." "Yeah, what my love said." Kooper said. "I swear. I would blow you up RIGHT NOW if we weren't in the house of innocent people."

Goombario noticed this & unsuccessfully tried to make a point. "Technically, they're not people..." "I-A DON'T CARE!! Let's-a just get-a out of-a here, anda- get iot-a over-a with!!" Mario then dragged everyone out of the house."

Mario, Goombario, Kooper, Bonbette, Parakarry, & Bow then entered the house, whioch to all their displeasures, was empty. "Aw great, I hope this wasn't some stupid prank." Kooper said, his arms crossed as he surveyed the room which had various building supplies odds & ends.

"I-a say we have Bow make us invisible, wait-a for them to come here, laugh-a, lock us in, or so they think, & then we-a reappear & kick the crap out of them. All-a say aye?"

"I dunno, I'm claustrophobic, and who's Alla-AAH GET IT OFF!" Parakarry as Kooper took his mailbag and shoved it on top of his head, spilling his letters. Bow followed up by knocking him out with her fan. Which was made of steel.

1 moment later, everyone but Parakarry and Maerio said "aye", and put their plan into action, with Bow making them invisible.

5 minutes later, a Shy Guy came in, and jumped through the wall causing it to spin around for a stared in awe at the violation of physics they just saw, bwhile still inviasiible before saying "Wait, what the hell just happened?"

For the next 5 minutes, they just strood there in invisibility while trying to wrap their heads aroubnd it, before they saw a Shy Guy in pink robes, who did the same thing whistling in between completing the following sentence in a sort of sing-song voice:

_"Ooh, I'm so pretty. I'm so pretty and witty, I just love tooooday, I'm so retty and witty and-"_ Just before they heard the last bit, he took a deep breath, and jumped through the wall like the one before him, his last line becoming to faint to identify.

"I think we just saw a gay Shy Guy." Bow said, her eyes twitching. "How do we know it was a guy?" Goombario asked. "Well, wouldn't it have been a Shy GIRL then?" Parakarry, asked once again conscious.

"It better damn well have been a girl, or I'm gonna be very pissed off AND confusesd." Bombette exclaimed with a sort of angry confusion in her voice.

"Let's a just go through-a." Mario said. Everyone proceeded to walk towards the wall, but unfortunately, Parakarry, at the back of the disfunctional group's non-liney "line" forgot to stop moving and bumped everyone through the hidden door in the wall.

They toppled through the door, into a colourfully decorated room that looked like there had just been a party in there, but they had little to no time to enjoy it."AAAHHH!!"They then landed on a Red Spring in a heap, which catapulted them towards a Toy Box which immediately opened for them as if it were just mechanical, which Goombario commented upon as being "Creepy" before resuming his screaming.

All of them then screamed even louder, although why they did so made it so that they were just harder to hear. Point in case, they shrunk to the size of ants as they fell down the Toy Box which had been alot bigger inside then it seemed, and had just gotten even bigger in relativity to them.

**"AAAHHHH!!!"**

Next Chapter: **CHAPTER FOUR:**_ Trying and Fails in the Toy Box._

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"AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm **SORRY!!! **I'm sorry this took so long!! I said I would have this chapter up before the end of LAST SUMMER, and I just barely got it up before this summer. I'm really sorry about this, please don't kill me. I had lots of school-work to do, and I'm really sorry and apologetic for forgetting about this and I've been working on this every chance to finish this. And this chapter took a really long time to do because it's almost more than 3 OR 4 TIMES AS LONG AS THE OTHER, PREVIOUS CHAPTERS!!

_Please accept my apology._**Meep.** I will try to get the next chapter out sooner, although I will have to do a new chapter for my other story as well because of my "personal fanfic schedule"(No, seriously, really, I do have one.). Thank you very much for your mercy if you do so choose to provide any for me.

And finally. _~Takes in a deep breath.-~__**HAPPY HALLOWEEN, HAPPY THANKSGIVING MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY KWANZAA, HAPPY HANUKKAH, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, HAPPY NEW YEAR, HAPPY SAINT/ST. VALENTINES DAY, HAPPY MARCH BREAK, HAPPY GOLDEN WEEK(Japanese Holiday.), AND HAPPY "ANY OTHER HOLIDAYS OR GENERAL DAYS OF CELEBRATION I FORGOT TO MENTION HERE."!!!**_

Phew. Truth be told, I hope I got everything, _**I would absolutely hate it **_if I forgot to mention anything. Especially if it got someone out there mad, especially a fan of my story. Please find it in your heart to forgive me for the absolutely, extremely, unforgivable lateness of this story!!! Please?

_(Hopefully,) See you next chapter!!! _ADIOS!!! -~~~**Raykura-Kura**. _A.K.A., Me._


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